


Love Like You

by L_M_Biggs



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Jasper redemption arc, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Redeemed!Jasper, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, but please know that i like to emotionally torment them, no beta readers we die like men, starts from The Return onwards, there is some hardcore jaspearl going on here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:41:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 27
Words: 48,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23435584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L_M_Biggs/pseuds/L_M_Biggs
Summary: “So…” Pearl whispered. “I’m sure you have questions.”“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jasper growled, staring out at the beach where Pearl could make out Garnet and Amethyst gathering up bits of debris from the ship that they had all crashed. “Why didn’tshetell me?”“Rose… Pink Diamond.” Pearl corrected herself. “She believed that… That the more people who knew who she really was, the larger risk of things falling apart.”“I could have kept this secret.”“I know you could have. But… You’re not a Pearl,” Jasper’s eyes slid over to Pearl, giving her her full attention, and Pearl wondered if it wasn’t better for her to be staring out at the beach, not pinning her in place with that feline gaze. “You couldn’t be commanded to silence. Compelled to it. Her order to me was binding. If I had disobeyed, if I had spoken the words… I was never able to do it. It was like choking on nothing.”
Relationships: Jasper/Pearl (Steven Universe), implied Pearl/Bismuth - Relationship, implied Pearl/Rose Quartz|Pink Diamond
Comments: 49
Kudos: 159





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories of Steven. Memories of the Crystal Gems. Memories of Rose. So many memories of Rose. The Armies. The Diamonds destroying the Gems on Earth, corrupting them. And then the palanquin, set in a beautiful field of hyacinths, a fistful of dirt with the strength and pressure of a Diamond turning them into pink shards. A sword made to destroy the physical form of a gem but never shatter it.

“It can’t be…” Pearl whispered as the enormous green ship landed, the palm spreading to reveal the three gems descending towards the beach.

“Lapis!” Steven shouted, staring at the blue gem, but Pearl didn’t move, gripping Steven’s arm tightly, holding him behind her protectively.

“Jasper.” She whispered, staring up at the largest of the three gems. 

Yellow, cat-slit eyes roved over the group before fixing on Pearl, frozen for only a moment before the Gem sneered, her husky voice cutting the silence. “This is _it_?” She stepped down from the ship onto the sand and Pearl would know her anywhere, could never forget her, not with that snide confidence and those eyes. Billowing white hair whipped around her face and Jasper sneered at the group. “An overcooked Amethyst, a defective Pearl, and _this_ shameless display?” Jasper sneered, stepping towards the group, causing them to inch back in an attempt to avoid her. “Pathetic. I expected better from the last of Rose Quartz’s precious _Crystal Gems_.” She reached into her belt and a sparking tool came to life in her grip.

“Jasper!” Pearl called out, stepping in front of the others. “Jasper, it’s me!”

Jasper froze, staring at Pearl before her eyes widened. “You.” 

“Jasper, please, listen to me, let me explain!”

“No!” Jasper wielded the weapon, making Pearl jump away, she didn’t know what it did but she hardly wanted to find out the hard way. “I don’t listen to _traitors_!” Her helmet materialized and Pearl felt her heart sinking as Jasper snarled and slashed the crackling end of the weapon through the air. 

“Jasper, please! I can explain everything!”

Jasper snarled, slamming her fist into Pearl’s middle, knocking the wind out of the smaller gem. Amethyst and Garnet lunged, attacking Jasper, only for Jasper to throw Amethyst aside like a particularly pesky gnat and lunged, jamming the live end of her weapon into Garnet, the crackling electricity coursing through the permafusion and sending her falling to the ground in a puff of gem dust and sand. Steven was screaming, sobbing for Garnet as Pearl lunged at Jasper.

Only to be grabbed by her throat, held over the carnage of her friends, struggling to get Jasper’s crushing grip to release her.

“I fought in the first war for this garbage planet, you know.” Jasper growled, staring down at Steven, Pearl squirming in her grip, her nails clawing at Jasper’s arm. “I fought against your armies. I respected your tactics.” Jasper’s hand grabbed Steven’s shirt, lifting him off the ground, his eyes wide as he flailed in terror. “I don’t get what you’re planning, Rose, but look!” Jasper grinned widely, all teeth and snarling victory. “Your base is taken, your armies are ruined! You have _failed_!”

“No!” Pearl screamed as Jasper slammed her helmet into Steven’s forehead, knocking him unconscious.

“What is this?” Jasper sneered. “Why didn’t she destabilize?” Those yellow eyes turned to Pearl. “What new trick is this?”

“Jasper, please, please, don’t hurt him!” Pearl kicked out, gripping the wrist of the larger gem as she felt Jasper’s fingers tighten around her throat. 

“Peridot!” Jasper snarled. “Take the Amethyst, Sapphire, and Ruby, make sure they’re in separate cells.” The enormous Quartz lumbered towards the ship. “I’ll take care of these two.”

Pearl struggled, gasping and straining as her vision turned darker at the edges from lack of air, tears brimming in her eyes with each labored wheeze. When she saw Steven placed in a cell, the destabilizing wall activating the moment Jasper stepped back, she couldn’t help but be relieved that Steven wouldn’t be subjected to torture. 

She wasn’t certain about her own fate, though. Not when Jasper walked past the other cells, through the halls of the ship before she arrived at a private set of quarters. Pearl yelped as she was thrown against the wall, Jasper’s helmet vanishing as she stared down at Pearl. 

“You were Pink Diamond’s.” She growled. “Her personal Pearl.”

Pearl stared up at Jasper. “Yes, Jasper, that was me. You were her best soldier.” Pearl inched along the wall as Jasper approached, the two of them circling the edge of the room quietly. “You were very loyal to Pink Diamond, it was something she was very impressed by.”

“Liar.” Jasper snatched at Pearl’s arm, trying to capture her again, but Pearl was smaller, faster, more agile and easily avoided the larger gem. Jasper growled, turning and sneering at her. “But what would a Pearl know?” Her broad palms swiped at Pearl’s torso and Pearl dodged, though Jasper’s sharp nails snagged on her clothing, tearing at the fine silk. “I should take you to the Reef, get you reset, and then I’ll have a Pearl of my own.”

“Jasper, please, stop!” Pearl grabbed at the larger gem’s face, making Jasper freeze for a moment in pure shock. “Please, listen to me, I can show you the truth about Pink Diamond.” Her gem glowed, a hologram of Pink Diamond appearing, only for Jasper to snarl and slam Pearl’s head into the wall, making the smaller gem yelp and go limp in her surprised daze. 

“I don’t need to see your lies!” Jasper sneered. “We’re going back to Homeworld, but before that we’ll go by the Reef and have you reset.” Her claws dug into Pearl’s skull briefly, and pearl wondered if Jasper might destroy her physical form out of pure spite, only for the Quartz to jerk away, storming from the private room. “Stay put, Pearl.” She growled, and then locked the door, leaving Pearl to scramble around the empty room, trying to find a way out.

Steven was safe… For now. Garnet had been… Split apart. Amethyst would likely bounce back the fastest of them all. And Lapis… Well, Pearl wasn’t sure what to do about Lapis Lazuli, but she couldn’t very well leave the other gem when she made her escape. Pearl squared her shoulders, looking at the control pad. It was far more advanced gem tech than she was used to, but it was still gem tech and she, hypothetically, could hack it. 

Pearl!” Steven’s voice called from outside the door and Pearl froze, trying to call out, but the footsteps raced past her too fast, the others leaving her locked in the room none-the-wiser. 

“Damnit!” Pearl slammed her fists into the control panel, causing it to spark and turn bright red before locking even more tightly. “No! Don’t do _that_!” She groaned and kicked at the pad, slamming the heel of her foot into it until the glass fell out and she could see inside the wall. Ripping out components, she jammed her thin arm into the wall, finding the point where the locks activated and started to claw and pry at the solid bolt, desperately trying to remove it entirely from the door. 

She had only just gotten the door opened when the ship impacted. 

Pieces flew everywhere, the room splitting apart, sending Pearl along the sandy dunes of Beach City, knocking the wind out of her. It took her a few moments to regain her breath, the ringing in her ears clearing only for her to realize that it was the sound of Jasper’s roar of fury.

“Lapis!” The large gem snarled. “Fuse with me! These Gems, they're traitors to their Homeworld. They kept you prisoner. They used you.” Jasper sneered, and Pearl could see her grip on Lapis’ arm threatening to break the limb, could see the tremble in Jasper’s grip. “This is your chance to take revenge! Come on... Just say yes.”

Lapis pulled back, staring at Jasper, trembling, before she hesitantly began to reach out her hand. 

“No!” Pearl shouted, lunging forward and slamming herself into Jasper’s back, distracting the larger gem. Lapis froze before she spread her water wings and darted away, escaping from the fight that Pearl had begun. 

“You!” Jasper snarled, turning and grabbing at Pearl. “Well, fine, you’ll do.”

Pearl froze before she glanced at the other Crystal Gems, who stood frozen in terror, their weapons drawn as Steven gripped Garnet’s leg in terror.

She was jerked, quite literally, back to the situation at hand when Jasper pulled her close, twirling her with a startling ease that made Pearl’s heart leap into her throat. They turned together and Jasper lunged Pearl into a deep dip, her cat-slit eyes staring at Pearl before she grinned as their gems glowed.

The moment Pearl felt her mind touch, mingle with Jasper’s just as their physical forms mingled she sent a deluge of memories. Every compartmentalized little box, every layer of her consciousness, thrown open as Jasper’s mind brushed against hers. 

“What is this!?” Tiger’s Eye howled, clutching at her skull, her four eyes blown wide as she fell to her knees. “What are you doing to me!?” She wheezed and panted, her vision whiting out as she stared into the sky. “I’m showing you the truth!”

Memories of Steven. Memories of the Crystal Gems. Memories of Rose. So many memories of Rose. The Armies. The Diamonds destroying the Gems on Earth, corrupting them. And then the palanquin, set in a beautiful field of hyacinths, a fistful of dirt with the strength and pressure of a Diamond turning them into pink shards. A sword made to destroy the physical form of a gem but never shatter it.

Pink Diamond, held warm in her hand, reforming into Rose Quartz. 

“No one can ever know.”

“Enough!” Tiger’s Eye grabbed at a wrecked finger of the ship, screaming. “I said enough! Make it stop!” Her head pulled back and she couldn’t stop herself as she smashed her head into the metal hull.

Darkness.

* * *

Pearl felt like she had been hit by a ship going at it’s full hyperdrive speed. 

“Pearl!” Steven’s voice broke what had been a peaceful silence, the boy throwing himself into her arms and chest, Pearl wrapping her limbs tightly around Steven, hugging him. 

“I’m alright, Steven.” She reassured him, wincing at the splitting pain coming from her head. “What happened?”

“You and Jasper were cracked and I had to heal you but you didn’t come back right away and I was so scared, Pearl!”

Jasper.

Tiger’s Eye.

“O-oh… Is Jasper awake?”

“Um… Kinda?” Steven stared up at her. “I… She’s just… Sitting outside. She hasn’t moved at all.”

“Oh dear.” Pearl whispered, moving from where she had been laid out on the couch and peering out the front door. Jasper was leaning on the railing of the patio, staring off into the distance, silent and statue still. “Has she spoken to anyone?”

“No.” Steven looked up at Pearl. “What… What happened when you fused?”

“I… I showed her some things. I think she might be processing them.” Pearl stood, wobbling slightly before she looked at Steven. “Steven, why don’t you go talk to Connie? I’m sure she’s worried after that message you left her.” Steven frowned, looking at Pearl, then at Jasper. “I can handle Jasper, trust me. She’s not going to want to fight us right now.”

“You’ll… You’ll tell me what’s going on right?” Steven asked hesitantly, frowning slightly.

“Yes.” Pearl said. “In time. But for now you just need to know that she’s not going to fight us right now.”

“How do you know that?”

“Tiger’s Eye.” Pearl smiled. “When we were fused, there were some things I saw in her mind.” It was a little white lie, but it seemed to reassure Steven.

“Okay… See you, Pearl.” The boy raced out of the house, waving at Jasper and pulling out his phone to dial Connie’s number. “Bye, Jasper!”

Jasper grunted, but didn’t respond beyond that. Pearl could see her shoulders bunching up at the sound of Pearl’s approach and she sighed, coming around to lean against the railing beside Jasper. 

“So…” Pearl whispered. “I’m sure you have questions.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jasper growled, staring out at the beach where Pearl could make out Garnet and Amethyst gathering up bits of debris from the ship that they had all crashed. “Why didn’t _she_ tell me?”

“Rose… Pink Diamond.” Pearl corrected herself. “She believed that… That the more people who knew who she really was, the larger risk of things falling apart.”

“I could have kept this secret.”

“I know you could have. But… You’re not a Pearl,” Jasper’s eyes slid over to Pearl, giving her her full attention, and Pearl wondered if it wasn’t better for her to be staring out at the beach, not pinning her in place with that feline gaze. “You couldn’t be commanded to silence. Compelled to it. Her order to me was binding. If I had disobeyed, if I had spoken the words… I was never able to do it. It was like choking on nothing.”

Jasper stared at her, silent and still, before she looked away. “My Diamond… The person I _lived_ for… She doesn’t exist anymore.”

“No.” Pearl whispered. “Now there’s only Steven.”

The large Quartz stood there before she hung her head, breathing deeply. “Seeing those memories… It was like losing her all over again.”

Pearl’s hand lifted, hesitating, before she stroked over Jasper’s shoulder, into her hair, quietly staring at her. “Jasper…” She wanted to say so many things, but nothing came to mind. “You can’t tell the others. Not even Steven. They don’t know.”

Jasper’s head snapped up and she stared at Pearl. “So I’m the only one who knows this secret now?”

“It’s not the right time.” Pearl whispered. “Steven has just started to get a grasp on his powers, and even that is tenuous at best. Knowing the truth, knowing what his mother did… It would destroy him. And Garnet and Amethyst are bad liars, they can’t keep a secret like that from him. They _won’t_.”

Jasper scowled at her, turning to lean her elbows against the railing, her eyes narrowed as they took in Pearl. “And what will you do for me if I keep this secret?”

“You get to serve under your Diamond again, is that not reward enough for you, _Quartz_?” Pearl sniffed, narrowing her eyes at Jasper, who sneered in return. 

“Maybe it isn’t, _Pearl_.” Jasper leaned close. “I meant what I said about going to the Reef.”

Pearl raised a brow and summoned a spear, pressing the sharpened tip just beneath Jasper’s chin. “ _Behave_. And we might form Tiger’s Eye again.”

 _That_ sparked something in Jasper’s eye, something eager and curious. She leaned into the press of the spear tip for a moment, threatening to let the weapon draw blood, before she pulled back. “Fine.” She purred, lazy and languid. “Whatever your Crystal Gems do, I’m sure it won’t be too much trouble for me to help out, fight your battles for you. It’s what I always did for Pink Diamond.”

“Good.” Pearl’s shoulders slumped before she replaced her spear into her gem, clearing her throat and turning away. “Come on, Soldier. Let’s get the ship gathered up and moved. There’s a Barn that we can use to store the parts until we know what we need them for.”

“What is a Barn?” Jasper scowled. “It sounds primitive.”

“I can’t lie.” Pearl sighed. “It is.”


	2. If I Could Begin To Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You haven’t told him _anything_?” Jasper snapped, grabbing Pearl’s arm as she dragged the smaller gem behind the barn, Steven still with Garnet and Amethyst organizing debris, picking it over for parts. “About the Diamonds? The war? _Anything_?” Jasper glanced around the barn, checking for the other Gems before she turned to Pearl. “You’ve just been letting him think that this entire planet is outside of the reach of people who want to kill him? Pearl, what were you _thinking_?”

“So… You fought against my mom?”

Jasper tossed a larger piece of the ship’s debris onto the large debris pile surrounding the so called “barn”. Organic infested _thing_ that it was. “What is a mom?”

“Um… Rose Quartz. She’s my mom.”

“Oh, the traitor to Homeworld. Yes. I fought against her.” Jasper scowled to herself. It was still strange to think of Pink Diamond as Rose Quartz, even stranger to not be able to tell the others, to vent her frustrations, but for the sake of Pearl, and the memories they both shared of Pink Diamond, she'd keep the secret.

“What… What was she like?”

Jasper had the sensation of teetering on a very delicate edge with the Steven boy. She had sworn to keep Pearl’s secrets, but the boy had a right to know. Though, as far as Jasper knew, hearing it from _her_ would be less than ideal. It was really Pearl’s secret to tell. 

“Rose Quartz was a thorn in my side.” Jasper threw a piece of debris, smaller than the others, watching the distance she managed to achieve with it. “A brilliant tactician, a Quartz warrior with a strength to rival my own.” Jasper turned to look at Steven. “She destroyed my Diamond, Pink Diamond.”

“You… What is a Diamond?”

Jasper stared at Steven, silent as she took in the… Pearl’s voice echoed in her mind, her memories that Jasper had seen inside Tiger’s Eye rippling across Jasper’s consciousness. _Boy. Child. Baby._

Sitting down, Jasper sighed and stuck her finger into the organic earth, drawing four diamond shapes into the dirt. “The Diamond Authority consists of four Gems who are absolutely flawless in every way. In cunning, intelligence, strength, and sheer power. No other gems can compare to them.” Jasper carefully marked in Gem Glyph a W, Y, B, and P into the respective Diamond shapes. “White Diamond heads the Authority, Yellow Diamond, who I have been employed by for the last few millennia, is her right hand, and Blue Diamond her left, they are an extension of White Diamond’s will.” Jasper rested her finger at the bottom Diamond, tracing the “P” over and over with her finger. “Pink Diamond only had one colony. _This_ colony. I was created to serve her.” Jasper sighed and swiped the side of her palm through the dirt. “And Rose Quartz shattered her.”

“W-what?” Steven’s voice cracked as he stared up at Jasper. “She… She wouldn’t. She never shattered anyone.”

Jasper stared at Steven, her elbows resting on her knees as she crouched in front of the gem. With the knowledge of the truth, with Pearl’s memories, Jasper was surprised that anyone mistook Pink Diamond for a Rose Quartz. While Rose Quartzes had cloudier gems, Steven’s gem was perfectly clear, flawless in a way that a Rose Quartz _couldn’t_ be.

“She did what she had to do.” Jasper said, a truth wrapped around a lie. “Pearl showed me that.”

Steven clutched at his shirt, pulling it over his gem, before he looked up at Jasper. “What… Was that why you wanted to take me back? Because I killed Pink Diamond?”

Jasper sighed. “Yes.” 

Steven looked down and wrung his fingers, breathing deeply. “More gems like you are going to come here, right?”

“Most likely. Peridot going missing isn’t a big deal, she’s low level, but I’ve become a decorated soldier. If I go missing… It will set off alarms.”

“So… They’ll come with more ships like yours?”

“That, and bigger.” Jasper sighed, leaning back against the grass. “With more gems. Your temple is amongst humans and that leaves you at a disadvantage. Gems back on Homeworld don’t care about organics the way the Crystal Gems do. They could hold the town hostage, they could just blast it to oblivion. Possibly they’ll take humans back to Homeworld for Yellow Diamond’s experiments. Or even into Pink Diamond’s Zoo, if Blue Diamond gets ahold of them.”

“Pink Diamond had a zoo!” Steven’s voice squeaked excitedly. “With animals and plants and things? That’s so cute!”

“Yes…” Jasper dragged the word out, staring at Steven. “ _Animals_ … Steven, how much about Homeworld have the Crystal Gems told you?”

* * *

“You haven’t told him _anything_?” Jasper snapped, grabbing Pearl’s arm as she dragged the smaller gem behind the barn, Steven still with Garnet and Amethyst organizing debris, picking it over for parts. “About the Diamonds? The war? _Anything_?” Jasper glanced around the barn, checking for the other Gems before she turned to Pearl. “You’ve just been letting him think that this entire planet is outside of the reach of people who want to kill him? Pearl, what were you _thinking_?”

“We weren’t, okay!” Pearl hissed. “We were thinking that we wanted him to have a normal human experience at least in some ways! We were dealing with corrupted gems that wanted to kill us, much less focusing on Gems that were lightyears away that might be trying to kill us!”

Jasper froze, staring down at Pearl, her mind whirling before she took a deep breath, looking over the smaller gem’s head, focusing on her breathing. “Alright. Alright. Think. Think. Think.” She cleared her throat, breathing. “Peridot.” Her grip on Pearl’s arms tightened for a brief moment. “We have to get Peridot, she can’t contact the Diamond Authority, if she does then she’ll tell them about Steven.”

“Oh no, Peridot!” Pearl covered her mouth, staring up at Jasper. “Where would she go? What was her mission.”

“Something about a cluster, I was sent over just to protect her, she knew all the information about where we were going.” Jasper frowned. “I admit, I didn’t pay attention as much as I should have.”

“Maybe… Well. Peridot was trying to repair the warp pads before? Maybe if we check all the locations with the warps and search around her, then that will work?”

Jasper nodded, breathing deeply. “We’ll start looking tonight.”

“What are you two doing?” Amethyst’s sly tone carried easily and Jasper and Pearl turned, their faces inches from one another. Pearl’s face flushed and she instantly kicked her leg reflexively into Jasper’s thigh, making the larger Gem stumble back slightly.

“Nothing!” Pearl squeaked, flushing and flapping her hands as she looked from Amethyst and Garnet to Jasper, the two Crystal Gems staring at Jasper silently. “It was nothing! We were just-” Pearl tittered nervously before she blurted out. “Peridot! We should look for Peridot!”

“Yes, I was speaking to Pearl about Peridot, she and I will go searching tonight for her.”

“All of us will go searching.” Garnet said sternly, her visored gaze obviously fixed on the two. “After Steven goes to bed.”

“I don’t need a babysitter.” Jasper growled, staring at the permafusion. 

“Yes. You do.”

Jasper’s growling increased, like an enraged dog, and Pearl grabbed the Quartz’s arm. 

“Jasper! Why don’t you help me move the larger pieces inside the barn?” Pearl asked, gripping Jasper’s arm.

“Jasper and Amethyst will do that, Pearl.” Garnet said, frowning at her comrade. “You and I need to talk.”

“Yeah!” Amethyst laughed, snorting delightedly. “Come on, Big Sis, let’s go smash up some more stuff!”

Jasper scowled before she grabbed at the smaller Amethyst, throwing her onto her shoulder. “Okay. Big Sis.”

“No, no, I’m the Little Sis!”

“I do not know what these nicknames mean.”

“It’s all good, you’re still my Big Sis!”

“What is a Sis?”

* * *

Jasper sighed as they stalked through another warp pad, making a face when she recognized the place they had landed. Even in darkness, the sandstone walls were bright, capturing and reflecting moonlight, the fractures of golden glass inside the holes glittering brightly. But there was no Peridot. She supposed that the finicky gem had true standards if she didn’t even go to the Beta Kindergarten to hide out.

“Never thought I’d be back to this waste of space.” She grumbled, Amethyst gasping as she stared at the Kindergarten. 

“Wow… Big Sis, this place is… Well… Okay, kinda empty.” Amethyst looked at the various holes. “And… Did that gem come out sideways?”

“Carnelian was a bit undercooked, she was one of the last ones.” Jasper huffed. “You remind me of her. She didn’t know how to shut up either.” The larger gem peered at various holes, remembering comrades, some that still remained on Homeworld, some that had been shattered and left behind. “This place is nothing like the Prime Kindergarten, where you came from.” Jasper hummed, poking her head into a few exit holes. “There’s nothing special here… I doubt Peridot would bother to come here unless she had truly run out of options.”

“Well, I mean… Since we’re already here, why don’t you show me the sights?” Amethyst grinned, her elbow nudging Jasper’s shin as they walked. “Where’s your hole? Oh, oh, is it this one?” She pointed at a hole close to the ground, grinning up at Jasper.

Jasper looked around, following a familiar path before she looked up at her exit hole. “That one.”

“Whoa…” Amethyst stared at the enormous exit hole, reaching up and jumping, trying to get to the hole before Jasper sighed and leaned down. 

“Let me give you a lift, Little Sis.” Jasper placed her hand under Amethyst’s foot, launching her towards the hole, the smaller Quartz landing easily, if a bit heavily, into the hole. 

“Whoa! This thing is monstrous!” Amethyst grinned, cackling loudly. “Fuck, this is the biggest hole I’ve ever seen!”

Jasper frowned at Amethyst, wondering if she was going insane, or if Amethyst was losing her ability to communicate. “Are you cracked? What does that mean?”

“What?” Amethyst looked at her, offense clear in her gaze as she stared at Jasper.

“Fuck.”

Amethyst’s eyes widened before she laughed. “Oh yeah… You don’t know all the fun words humans came up with in the last few thousand years!”

Jasper doubted that there were truly any fun words, but if this would… Make her closer to Amethyst… She’d try. “Like what?”

“Well, these are words you can’t use in front of Steven, okay? They’re very… Rude. And Pearl will flip her shit if you do.”

Jasper raised a brow. “Why have a whole vocabulary that certain humans can’t use? That seems counter intuitive to the nature of language.”

“Because it’s fun and little kids shouldn’t be saying rude words, they need to learn how to _express themselves_ eloquently or some shit like that.”

“… So… Fuck is one of them. And what else?”

A gleam in Amethyst’s eyes made Jasper believe that she had asked the worst question. The benefit was that she now had a much broader vocabulary. 

“So… What’s your favourite?”

“You can have a favourite word?”

“You don’t have to. But I choose to.” Amethyst grinned. “My favourite is fuck.”

“… Ugh,” Jasper sighed, covering her face. “… I hate it. But that’s my favourite one too.”

Amethyst’s eyes glittered brightly with delight. “Quartz sisters _forever_!” Amethyst crowed, grinning brightly up at Jasper, holding up her fist to Jasper, expectantly. “Fist bump!”

Jasper couldn’t help but smile slightly at that, her arms crossed over her chest. After a moment she pulled her own fist back and slammed it into Amethyst’s. She watched as Amethyst went flying through the air, hitting one of the canyon walls with a thud. 

Amethyst groaned, stumbling away from the wall. “Okay, that was good, but try not to punch too hard next time.”

“Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“No, no, fist bumps are lighter than that. Geeze, you really do have a lot to learn.”

Jasper stared down at Amethyst, her jaw set as her pride rankled at that comment. She hated that Amethyst was right. There as so much about the Earth that had changed since she had last been there, fighting a war that she had been made for. This Earth was so much more peaceful, quiet. Even the Beta Kindergarten seemed beautiful in the quiet moonlight. 

She had not been made for peace. She was made for war.

“Hey, Big Sis?” Amethyst stared up at her and Jasper snapped out of her thoughts, looking down at the smaller gem. It was difficult to think that Amethyst had been made for war as well. Yet… She was someone else. Had made herself into something else, something that lived outside of war, that thrived in peacetime. She was not a warrior. “Dude, you were a million miles away.”

“I think…” Jasper was quiet before she sighed and rested her broad hand on Amethyst’s shoulder. “I think I have a lot to learn from you.”


	3. Half Of What You Think Of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “This was a mistake,” Pearl whispered, staring up at Jasper.

Jasper didn’t always sit in on Connie’s training, not like Steven and his consistent position in the audience rows of the Ruins. 

“Remember, Connie, in the heat of battle, you don’t matter, nothing matters but Steven and his safety.” Pearl stared down at the girl, and Jasper was sure that there was something absent in her eyes. She was a million miles away, talking to her past self, not Connie. “You are nothing. You don’t matter.”

“I don’t matter.” Connie echoed, and Jasper felt something twinge inside her, memories of battles long past, of Agates screaming at her, preparing her for the inevitable death in battle. She had struggled with that for millennia, how could a human with mere years handle that burden?

“Connie! Pearl!” Steven’s voice echoed through the ruins just as Pearl activated her holograms and summoned a thick fog to begin the training. 

“Damnit!” Jasper jerked to her feet, leaping into the ruins. “Steven! Get back here!” She cautiously moved through the fog, listening to the sounds of Connie’s sword hitting the very real weapons of the hologram Pearls. 

“Connie, I don’t want you to do this anymore, not alone!” Steven’s voice was distant, but Jasper could pinpoint the direction. Her lumbering steps made the ruins creak under her weight, but she continued. If Connie was distracted by Steven, she’d likely not manage to protect either of them from the holograms, which had proven to be just as vicious in combat as their original.

“Steven, I understand now, Pearl told me about your legacy, your destiny!” Jasper froze as she listened to Connie. “You are _everything_ , Steven! And I am nothing. But I can do this for you, I can give you my service!”

“No, Connie, I don’t want you to!”

“Steven, I’m doing this for you! I have to be able to protect you!”

“If you’re the one protecting me, then who’s the one protecting you? We might be fighting some very real battles soon, and when that day comes, I’m going to fight with you.”

“Steven!” Pearl’s voice cut through the fog and it dissipated, Jasper turning to face the two humans, seeing the way they posed together, sheild and sword in hand, braced for the fight. “She needs to take me on herself!”

“No! We’re a team!”

Jasper watched as the two lunged forward, fighting Pearl with every ounce of their beings, eyes determined and furious. When they separated, attacking from both sides, Jasper snarled and raced over, grasping Pearl’s hand, her gem already glowing, determined to help Pearl end this petty fight. They fused, burning hot and blinding bright, causing the two children to flinch back, shielding their eyes. 

Tiger’s Eye adjusted her grip on the training sword, growling as she turned and parried Connie’s blade. “Enough!” She shouted, disarming the two, sword and shield sent flying. She stood, towering over the two children, panting from the effort. “No!” She slammed her foot down. “In a real battle, Steven won’t be there to save you, Connie!”

“Yes I will!” Steven shouted, defiant as he stared up at the fusion.

“Steven!” Tiger’s Eye squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, trying to compose herself, even as memories of Rose Quartz, of Pink Diamonds, melting and swirling together, mingling into visions of her own failures at every turn, made her hesitate. “You don’t know that!”

“Yes I do!” Steven grabbed his friend’s hand, tightly squeezing the calloused fingers wrapped in bandages.

“You shouldn’t be anywhere near the fight! You’re too important to me, to the Crystal Gems, to the entire cause!” Tiger’s Eye stepped forward menacingly, looming and gripping her sword. 

“I’m not!”

“Yes you are!”

“No!”

“Why won’t you just let me do this for you, Rose?!” Tiger’s Eye screamed, tears running down her face as she stared at Steven and Connie’s shocked faces. “I-” She slumped, kneeling on the ground, the training sword dropped from her hand as she stared at the two, a deep, heavy sob escaping her. Part of her wanted to unfuse, to return to being Pearl and Jasper, to let them mourn the loss of their leader in their own ways, to dismantle the combined pain they felt into something smaller, more manageable, more easily locked away deep inside her chest. The other part of her longed for comfort, to pull even tighter together and cling to one another. “I mean… Let… _Her_ do this…” Tiger’s Eye stared at the two, four sets of eyes fixed on the pair. “Why won’t you let Connie do this for you… Steven?” The training sword dropped from her numb fingers, clattering on the ground loudly. “That’s enough for today.

She turned, walking to the edge of the ruins, sitting down quietly, her head cradled by her broad palms. She ran her fingers through her hair, clutching at the soft strands before she sighed and let her shoulders slump, tears running down her face freely. Connie and Steven came to her, because of course they couldn’t leave well enough alone. 

“Pearl?” Steven asked quietly. Tiger’s Eye looked at him, reaching out her hand to rest against his curls gently. “I’m sorry that I messed up your training.” He looked up at her, eyes wide and worried. “But all that… You’re nothing talk… It was scaring me.”

Tiger’s Eye sighed, and Connie’s keen, falcon-gaze fixed on her face. “Did… Did Rose make you feel like nothing?”

Tiger’s Eye curled her arms around herself, hugging herself protectively. “Rose… She made me feel like everything.” A broad palm reached up, rubbing at their eyes, breathing deeply, stabilizing. The two gems slowly unfused, causing the children to flinch as Jasper appeared, her bulk curled around Pearl, holding her protectively tight. Pearl’s eyes stared off into space beyond the ruins, tears running freely down her face. Jasper breathed deeply, stroking her fingers over Pearl’s arm before letting her go, turning to look at Steven while Pearl looked at Connie.

“Steven,” Jasper rumbled softly. “I’ll train you.” She grasped his hand. “Just like any good Quartz.”

“And Connie…” Pearl grasped Connie’s hand gently. “You’re not nothing. I was wrong.”

Jasper looked over at Pearl, reaching out with her broad hand, gently taking Pearl’s hand in her own. There was a moment of hesitation, before Pearl’s fingers turned to squeeze Jasper’s thumb gently.

* * *

“Well…” Pearl sighed, looking around the Prime Kindergarten. “Looks like nothing has moved since we were last here.” She ran a delicate finger over one of the drills, Jasper frowning as she scanned the area, keeping close to Pearl. Pearl reached out, grasping Jasper’s hand briefly, reassuring her quietly. She could tell that the larger gem didn’t appreciate the overt gesture, but Jasper’s shoulders still relaxed slightly as she squeezed back. The Prime Kindergarten was… Terrifying… Even on the best of days and with the threat of Peridot, hellbent on continuing her mission, still looming out there, Pearl couldn’t help but be grateful that Jasper was on their side now.

“We should find the control room.” Jasper grunted, looking around. “Whatever she wanted to do here, she’d do it from the control room.”

“That weird underground place that we destroyed last time would be it,” Steven piped up brightly, looking up at the other gems. Pearl could see his eyes linger on where Pearl and Jasper had gripped together, and she self consciously slipped her fingers from Jasper’s, clearing her throat. 

“You’re right. Garnet, why don’t you and Steven go to the control room and clear that? Jasper, Amethyst and I will secure the rest of the area.”

Amethyst laughed, snorting loudly between kissing noises. “Pearl and Jasper sitting in a tree!”

“I would not be caught dead sitting in a tree.” Jasper growled, giving Amethyst’s shoulder a punch. It was still harder than strictly necessary, but she hadn’t sent Amethyst flying again like the last few times, so Pearl counted that as a benefit. 

“Jasper, why don’t you and Amethyst go that way and I’ll go this way?” Pearl directed the two Quartzes, causing Jasper to stiffen and open her mouth in protest. “No, I can take care of myself, I don’t need you there.” Her tone was stern, like when she scolded Steven, and she honestly hadn’t expected Jasper to respond by slumping her shoulders and… Pouting. There was no other word to describe the disappointed expression on the larger gem’s face. 

“Fine.” She snapped, turning to Amethyst. “Let’s go, Sis.”

“Aw yeah!” Amethyst laughed, four of her steps struggling to match even one of Jasper’s as they made their way to check for Peridot. 

Pearl sighed, clenching her spear in hand and making her way in the opposite direction. She needed to think anyway, and with Jasper occupied she finally had a chance to mull over her thoughts.

Ever since they had formed Tiger’s Eye it had been one struggle after another. It was terrifying, having someone know her secret, knowing about Pink Diamond and Rose Quartz. What was worse was that Jasper felt like an echo from a time that Pearl had struggled so hard to forget, to pack away in neat and orderly compartments of her mind. The last time they had parted ways… It was…

For a moment Pearl was there, staring at Jasper begging Pink Diamond to let her go, seek out the Crystal Gems, destroy them. Jasper knelt for no one but Pink Diamond and she even dared to reach out, grasping Pink Diamond’s gloved hand, pressing her forehead to the Diamond’s hand, all the fervent devotion of a Quartz bleeding into her husky voice. 

Jasper had always been a fanatic, and now was no different. Pearl was lucky that in all of those millennia that Jasper’s loyalty to Pink Diamond hadn’t wavered, that she hadn’t decided that Yellow Diamond’s cold, calculative nature was a much better place to lay her devotion. A soft sigh escaped Pearl’s lips and she rubbed at her eyes, leaning against one of the canyon’s walls, her spear tip dragging in the ground. 

She was one to talk about fanatic devotion. Here she was, centuries, millennia after Pink Diamond’s disappearance, after Rose Quartz had won the war for Earth, after she had disappeared and reformed as Steven, and she was still loyal. Perhaps part of that was just her nature as a Pearl, perhaps part of it was whatever made Jasper so loyal to Pink Diamond.

“We really are made for each other, aren’t we?” She wryly muttered to no one in particular. 

“Peridot! Stop!” 

“I won’t stop! You’ve been brainwashed by these Crystal Clods!”

Pearl whipped around, racing towards the sounds of the echoing voices, her heart pounding as she wove around fallen injectors. 

Jasper was snarling and racing after a nimble-legged Peridot, the smaller gem’s limb enhancers crackling with live energy, similar to the shocks of the gem destabilizer tool that Jasper had salvaged from the wreckage of her ship. Pearl watched as Garnet held Steven away from the conflict, Amethyst’s whip striking out towards Peridot, only for those strange mechanical hands to grab at the end of the whip, sending a current of power through it towards Amethyst. 

“Amethyst, watch out!” Pearl shouted, throwing her spear at Peridot. Jasper and Peridot both turned towards Pearl’s voice, giving Pearl a chance to draw another spear and race towards the fight. 

“Pearl, wait!” Jasper shouted, but it was too late, Pearl’s spear piercing through Peridot’s body, causing it to diffuse, leaving… 

“Are those… _bits_ of her?” Amethyst made a face at the pile of green metal.

“Limb enhancers.” Jasper sighed, picking up Peridot’s gem and holding it in her broad hand. Pearl froze at the way Jasper’s thumb rubbed over the edge of the gem, a spike of jealousy tearing through her at the sight. Jasper gathered up the limb enhancers, turning them over in her broad palms before she found the switches, compressing them into small discs which she pocketed. 

No. Not jealousy. There was no need for that. Jasper wasn’t _hers_. 

“Okay, what do we do with her?”

“Bubble her.” Amethyst said, snatching the gem from Jasper.

“Bubble?” Jasper watched in fascination as Amethyst made a bubble around Peridot’s gem, the larger Quartz jumping in shock at the sight. “What the fuck?”

Pearl gasped. “Jasper!” Amethyst snorted and laughed at Pearl’s tone. “Oh, really, Amethyst, teaching her those words! You are the worst!”

“I think it’s pretty funny!” Amethyst cackled, sending the bubble back to the temple, causing Jasper to jump again, like a particularly large cat that had been startled. 

Jasper huffed, scowling at the two amused gems. “Well, now that she’s been bubbled and sent away, do either of you master tacticians know _what_ she was here for?” 

“Oh… Damnit.” Amethyst sighed, staring at the Kindergarten canyon walls, scanning over the injectors before she startled and turned sharply. “Wait… Where’s Garnet and Steven?”

Pearl opened her mouth to say something, only to freeze at Steven’s voice screaming Garnet’s name. “Steven!” She yelped, turning and racing towards the sound, hearing the footsteps of the two Quartzes behind her, struggling to keep up with Pearl’s long legs. The gaping maw of the entrance to the control room had been revealed and Pearl slid down without hesitation. “Steven! We’re coming!”

Jasper and Amethyst’s thundering footsteps followed her and when they arrived down in the belly of the Kindergarten Pearl leapt gracefully up onto the control area, leaving Jasper and Amethyst to clumsily ram into the base with a chorus of grunts. 

“Garnet!” Pearl approached, staring at her visorless friend, holding a bubble with a strange amalgamation of gems shoved together. “Garnet, what _is_ that?” She asked, jumping when something fell onto her shoulder. Turning her head she made a face at the sight of a writhing hand and twitching foot jammed together where wrist and ankle would have been “What are these?”

Jasper approached, taking the hand from her and crushing it in her own palm, revealing two gems that looked to be fused together in a strange, Frankenstein-esque way. Pearl reeled backwards at the sight, bumping into one of the stone columns that had been pulled from the floor and ceiling, squealing when another hand clawed its way out of the stone. 

“Don’t touch those!” Garnet snapped, turning to the other bizarrely fused gems that Pearl could see littering the floor. A pair of hands mashed together were trying to skitter across the ground and Garnet knelt. “We need to bubble all of them.”

Jasper grasped Pearl’s arm gently, guiding her away from the column as she reached in to remove the hand, this one fused to a long, ungainly leg, jamming her own arm inside to check if there was anything else inside the column. When she turned up with nothing she began to stomp on the flailing limbs below them. Garnet let the large Quartz do the task, looking shaken and physically ill in a way Pearl had never seen her before. She grasped her friend’s arm, Garnet looking over at her.

“Are you okay?”

“No.” Garnet gritted out, watching Jasper gather up the pieces of shattered gems alongside Steven, holding her broad hand out for the boy to bubble and send off the pieces. “I’m not okay. Those experiments are… They’re awful.”

“Well, we caught Peridot, she’s bubbled back at the temple, so maybe we can get information from her, see if there’s more.” Pearl crossed her arms, holding herself tightly and staring at Jasper. “I really want to go back home now. This is… It’s a lot.”

“It’s not.” Jasper scoffed, turning to the Crystal Gems with a skeptical look in her eye. “You’re telling me that this is the worst you’ve seen? For Yellow Diamond this is tame and I don’t understand why Peridot would even bother being sent to check on these.”

“Well, she said that she was looking for a cluster to check on.” Amethyst frowned. 

“And Garnet found it, it’s back at the temple and this is all straightened out.” Jasper frowned. “I don’t see why you’re so upset about this. You’ve been fighting those corrupted gems, this is no worse than that.”

“No…” Pearl stared at Jasper, her face flushing in anger. “No _worse_? Of course this is worse! It’s a bastardization of fusion! Of something beautiful and sacred! Imagine how Garnet must feel!”

“This is exactly what we were told fusion is on Homeworld.” Jasper shrugged, giving Pearl a scowl of her own. “Two gems, mashed together. They said you can become addicted and dependent on fusion. And… _Garnet_ ,” It was obvious that Jasper was making an effort not to simply call Garnet a “perma-fusion, though the tone still carried a bit of scorn. “Isn’t the best example of that _not_ being true.”

“You think that fusion is just two gems mashed together like this?” Pearl asked, snatching the shards from Jasper’s hand. “What about Tiger’s Eye?”

“That is exactly what all fusion is.” Jasper stared down at Pearl. “And weaker gems become dependent on it. _This_.” She grabbed Pearl’s wrist, holding up the fingers clutched around the shards hard enough to draw blood. “Is what happens when weak gems use fusion too liberally.”

Pearl clenched her fist around the shards, staring up at Jasper before she jerked her hand back, opening her hand, dropping the melded shards and slapping her palm against Jasper’s cheek, not even making the larger Quartz flinch with the force of the blow. The sound of the slap echoed around them, making the other gems freeze as well, Steven shouting Pearl’s name in shock.

“Pearl, what are you doing? We shouldn’t be fighting!”

“This was a mistake,” Pearl whispered, staring up at Jasper. 

The expression on Jasper’s face looked more struck and startled than when Pearl had physically struck her.

“Let’s go home,” Steven said, grasping Pearl’s hand. “Let’s go home and rest.”


	4. I Would Do About Anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You didn’t want to fuse with me.” Jasper growled.
> 
> “Why would I?” Pearl asked. “You think fusion is an addiction, some… Abomination.”
> 
> “Not when we fuse.” Jasper growled. “Not when we form Tiger’s Eye.”
> 
> “Oh really? So you’re a hypocrite now too?”

Pearl was wringing her fingers. Jasper didn’t know what that meant, she hadn’t spent enough time with Pearl, but she had counted the motion in the past hour. Steven was watching the television with Amethyst, Garnet was sitting with Pearl in the kitchen, and Jasper was sitting on the couch, watching as Pearl would wring her fingers and then turn her head slightly, looking up towards the loft where Steven and Amethyst were loudly commenting on the television.

Then they heard it. A recording of Peridot began to crackle across the television and Jasper jerked, turning to stare up at the television, frowning. 

“How on earth did she get that to play?” Pearl asked, staring at the screen, glancing at Garnet nervously. “She have done something to the communication hub!”

“Let’s go then,” Jasper stood. “She had three weeks to figure out what to do, to make plans, perhaps this was her last resort to try and get help sent here.”

“We’ll go.” Pearl spoke up quickly. “Jasper and I.”

“Safety in numbers, you don’t know what she set up there.” Jasper insisted. “We should all go.”

“Jasper is right, Pearl.” Garnet looked over at her comrade. “Even if you don’t like it, she’s right. We’ll all go.”

“F-fine.” Pearl clenched her fist. “How do we get there?”

“Oh!” Steven grinned brightly. “Lion!”

“Is that… An earth vehicle? Like a van?”

“Sort of.” Steven grinned even more.

* * *

Jasper stumbled off of Lion, her entire body shaking as she wheezed and dry heaved, something she hadn’t done in centuries.

“You okay, Jasper?” Steven asked, resting his hand on Jasper’s leg. 

“I… Feel dizzy.”

“Jasper… Do you get motion sickness?” Steven smiled reassuringly and Jasper couldn’t help but relax a bit as the boy rubbed her knee comfortingly. “I do sometimes too, don’t worry. I can’t ride the teacups ride at Funland.”

“I don’t know what teacups are.”

“It’s fun! You and Amethyst can ride it!”

“Steven, the hub?” Pearl called, drawing the boy’s attention away. Jasper looked up, staring at Pearl silently before she followed Steven, Garnet, and Amethyst to the hub.

It was… Makeshift at best, haphazard at worst. Nearby was Peridot’s escape pod, repaired sloppily so that she could send out her message on repeat. 

“We’ll need to smash it up worse than before!” Amethyst turned to Garnet. “We need Sugilite!”

“Sugilite was a disaster last time.” Garnet snapped at Amethyst and Jasper felt like she was privy to an argument she had no business seeing. 

“What about Tiger’s Eye?” Jasper asked, looking at Pearl. 

“Wouldn’t want you to become addicted to that.” Pearl snapped, glaring at Jasper before she turned to Garnet. “We need Sardonyx.”

Garnet nodded, turning to run her hands over Pearl’s shoulders, “Okay. Let’s do this.”

Jasper didn’t know the name of the emotion that burned in her chest, the way something inside her riled and reared it’s ugly head at the sight of Pearl turning and dancing with Garnet. It was not like Tiger’s Eye, where they had thrown themselves at one another in desperation for something to use in the heat of battle. There was no enemy here and now, so Pearl and Garnet took their time, turning and dancing. When they fused, Jasper clenched her fist, watching Sardonyx rise from the blinding white glow of the two of them.

“Good evening everyone! I am your host, Sardonyx, coming to you live from the former communication hub!”

Jasper clenched her fist, staring at Sardonyx, her jaw clenching as she swallowed and watched the two summon their weapons. 

“Hey, Sis?” Amethyst rested her hand on Jasper’s arm as Jasper stared at Sardonyx dismantling the communication hub with deft knocks against the various columns. “You okay?”

Jasper felt sick to her stomach, worse than the motion sickness from riding Lion. “I’m fine.” She growled, watching as Garnet and Pearl unfused, still standing close together, staring at one another. Her fist unclenched and she felt blood dripping between her fingers. She jerked, rubbing her palm against the dark fabric of her jumpsuit, hoping that it would mask the dark brown of her blood.

“Garnet, that was so great!” Pearl laughed, delighted as she walked back. “It was amazing, I had forgotten how much I missed Sardonyx!”

Jasper scowled, turning away and walking back towards Lion, climbing on and waiting for the others to follow. 

“We make a great team, Garnet.” Pearl grinned, looking up at the other gem, but when her eyes trailed to Jasper, Jasper’s own gaze snapped firmly away. “We should do this more often.”

“We should.” Garnet laughed. “But let’s go home. Mission accomplished.”

* * *

Jasper’s eye opened as she heard footsteps, her hand tucked underneath her pillow clenching. She had learned that humans enjoyed sleep, but she hadn’t anticipated how much she would enjoy it. The ability to rest, to relax, and to just _breathe_ without needing to do anything else. She was a light sleeper, the slightest noise easily waking her up. Steven was a restless sleeper, and Jasper was used to waking with his movements, but this was different, the footsteps were lighter. When she opened her other eye she could see Pearl’s silhouette in the moonlight, sneaking out the front door quietly. 

“Lion?” The gem called, quietly peering around until she found the enormous pink organic creature.

Jasper peered out, turning as she sat up in bed, watching Pearl mount Lion and take off. Standing up, Jasper frowned, moving to the temple door. It was old gem tech, she hadn’t seen something like that in centuries at least.

“Ugh… Garnet!” She whispered, placing her hand on the door. “I need to speak to Garnet, come on.”

The door opened and Jasper watched as Garnet turned, frowning at her. “Jasper-”

“Pearl just left.” Jasper whispered. “I don’t want to wake Steven, but she left and took lion.”

“She… What?” Garnet frowned, stepping forward. “Why would she leave?”

“I don’t know.” Jasper whispered back. “I thought you would know. I wanted to know if it was a mission. If _you_ sent her on a mission alone.”

Garnet opened her mouth to reply, no doubt in a scathing way, but the expression on Jasper’s face must have told them something. “Okay. We’ll go find Pearl.”

It took some jumping around from warp to warp, but soon they made it within walking distance to the communication hub, Jasper frowning as she followed Garnet. She was half-Sapphire, after all, her future vision had to account for something, so she followed the perma-fusion. Perhaps that was why the others followed her directions as well.

They both froze when they came upon the communication hub, where Pearl was using Peridot’s repaired escape pod to lift and move the columns back into configuration.

“Wh-what?” Garnet froze, staring at the hub, at Pearl, her fists clenched. When the hub lit up again, Jasper scowled, staring at the glowing, pulsing hub, playing Peridot’s last message no doubt. “Pearl!” 

The pod came stuttering down to earth and Jasper clenched her fist as she stared at Pearl, Garnet’s own fury colouring the air as Pearl stumbled out of the pod.

“Garnet!” The slender gem called, racing over to them. “Garnet, I can explain.”

“I’m sure you can.” Garnet scowled. “You tricked me.”

“No! No, I didn’t!”

“How were you going to explain this?”

“I… I didn’t think that far.” Pearl whispered. “I wanted to… I wanted to be Sardonyx again. I wanted… I wanted to remind myself what fusion was supposed to be. Not… Not those horrible experiments. Not…”

“Tiger’s Eye.” Jasper growled, staring at Pearl. “You didn’t want to be Tiger’s Eye again.”

Garnet scowled before she turned, storming off. “Amethyst and I will make Sugilite, and take down this tower tomorrow.”

“Garnet, wait!” Pearl called, but the perma-fusion had already made her way far away from the communication hub. 

Jasper stared down at Pearl, her fists clenching and unclenching carefully as she watched the smaller gem. They stood in silence together, Pearl looking up at Jasper, her chin tilted defiantly.

“You didn’t want to fuse with me.” Jasper growled.

“Why would I?” Pearl asked. “You think fusion is an addiction, some… Abomination.”

“Not when we fuse.” Jasper growled. “Not when we form Tiger’s Eye.”

“Oh really? So you’re a hypocrite now too?”

“No!” Jasper grabbed Pearl’s arms, turning her to face her. “That’s not it!”

“Then what is it, Jasper? Because from where I stand it seems very clear that you believe that fusion is some horrible freakish unnatural act!”

“It is!” Jasper growled, giving Pearl a shake. “I… That’s what I’ve always been told. You remember what it was like living in Era One!” Jasper glared down at Pearl. “I never knew what fusion was. Those… Those things we saw at the Kindergarten… That was what we were told fusion was.” Jasper stared at Pearl. “And with you it felt… It felt so good. _Too_ good.” She was sure her fingers would leave bruises in pearl’s arms, but she couldn’t help but hold Pearl captive, terrified that if she let the smaller gem go, she could never capture her again. “And then you… You wanted Sardonyx. Not Tiger’s Eye.” Jasper stared at Pearl. “So it wasn’t… It wasn’t that you didn’t want to fuse. That those experiments disgusted you.” Her eyes fixed on Pearl’s wide, terrified blue gaze. “It was me.”

Jasper shoved Pearl away, the smaller gem stumbling back. “Jasper-”

“There is nothing good about me. Nothing that was good enough for Pink Diamond. For Yellow Diamond. For the Agates. Not even for Peridot.” Jasper stared at Pearl. “Certainly not for you.”

“Jasper, wait-” Pearl reached out, but Jasper pulled back, storming off towards the warp they had come on. She had hours of walking to do, and it was plenty of time to stew, to think, to let out all of the anger before she returned and Steven had to see her.

* * *

“So…” Amethyst stared at Jasper and Pearl. “Garnet is going to Keystone with Greg and Steven?”

“Yes.” Pearl sighed, rubbing her eyes. It had been a long few weeks. At one point Pearl had just left for five days to bubble as many corrupted gems as she could on her own. It was meditative, honestly. Or it would have been if she hadn’t had Garnet and Jasper’s voices playing on loop in her own mind, their hurt and anger colouring the words that she stopped being able to define and understand after the first day or so. Coming back to the temple hadn’t made anything much better, not with Jasper and Garnet both willing to hold a grudge much longer than Pearl could hold onto her own feeble reasonings. “I… I’m sorry about how awkward it’s been here, Amethyst.”

“Yeah, that’s why I’m headed out.” Amethyst said, sighing as she stretched.. “I’m going to go out tonight, visit Vidalia and Onion for a bit, and leave you two to… Whatever is wrong between you two now.” 

“Amethyst!” Pearl called, but the Quartz had left, the storm door slamming shut behind her as she jumped off the patio railing to the beach, and Jasper was in the kitchen, running her thumb along the edge of the counter, refusing to look at Pearl. She opened the fridge, closed it, then she opened the cabinets, closed those too. Pearl could tell that she was trying to occupy her time, but with no orders, no purpose, Jasper was aimless, idling in a way that likely grated on her nerves.

Pearl sighed, staring at Jasper. “How long can you stay mad at me? You and Garnet?”

“We aren’t conspiring against you.” Jasper murmured, refusing to fix her eyes on Pearl’s face, looking just above her head. “If that’s what you think, you greatly overestimate Garnet and my relationship.”

“Look, Jasper, I…” Pearl froze, staring at Jasper. “I’m sorry. I… I didn’t realize… That you felt this way… About fusion… Tiger’s Eye.”

“Why would you?” Jasper frowned. “I never told you.”

“Jasper-”

“I should have known.” Jasper’s eyes moved the fractions of inches down so that she could stare at Pearl’s eyes. “You are right. It was a mistake. We were a mistake.” Jasper couldn’t restrain the wry laugh. “You said so yourself.”

“Oh, don’t act so high and mighty!” Pearl snapped, standing an arms length away from Jasper. “With your disgust with fusions! You can’t even look at Garnet most of the time!”

“But I’m trying!” Jasper shouted, raising her voice to a roar, her cat-slit pupils fixed on Pearl. “I wanted to try! For you! For Tiger’s Eye!” Jasper snarled, moving to grab at Pearl only to pull her hands back, like she might be burned if she touched the smaller gem. “I was willing to change for My Diamond! For you! I could handle being a guard, a Quartz, a servant to Pink Diamond’s will, if it meant I could stand with you! With the _one_ familiar person from her court.”

“For…” Pearl stared at Jasper quietly, her fists clenching before she reached out, hesitantly and light enough that Jasper could ignore the touch. “Jasper… You can’t live like that. I have to protect Steven, he’s the most important thing in my world. But you can make a different choice. He’s not Pink Diamond like we remember. He’s… He’s different.”

“I don’t know anything else.” Jasper growled, her eyes fixed on Pearl like she held all the answers to the universe and then some. “I am just a Quartz soldier. I was made to fight. To protect. And he is My Diamond. You showed me yourself. Whatever the Crystal Gems believe in, even if I don’t believe in the cause, I will follow, because it’s what My Diamond wants.”

Pearl stared up at Jasper, shaking her head slightly, letting out a stuttering breath. “This isn’t healthy. We’re not healthy together.”

Jasper stared at Pearl, something in her gaze cracking, more painfully than if her gem was shattered to pieces. Jasper knelt in front of Pearl, her head bowed as she pressed her forehead to the smaller gem’s delicate fingers. Pearl felt her breath hitch in her chest as she stared at Jasper. 

“Please.” She whispered hoarsely. “Tell me what to do. I need orders. When we were Tiger’s Eye I… I knew what to do. I knew exactly what to do.”

“Jasper-”

“I’ll do anything, Pearl. Please. Just tell me what to do.”


	5. I Would Even Learn How To Love (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t sing.”
> 
> “That’s okay, just start to sing like this!” Steven grinned. “Life and death and love and birth and peace and war on the planet earth. Is there anything that’s worth more than peace and love on the planet earth?”

Jasper stared at Peridot’s bubble in the temple heart, reaching up with her broad hand to coax the bubble down to her level. The other gems were gone, something about a play that Steven was putting on with one of the local humans. Jasper wasn’t sure what sort of tactical advantage a human would have in any form of play for power, but she didn’t question her Diamond when he told her to remain at the house, as she was still… Intimidating… To the local populace. She didn’t mind it. It meant she had time to remain at the temple, processing, thinking, planning. Which brought her here, cradling the bubble containing Peridot’s gem.

They needed information, and Jasper would get it. She was good at that.

Popping the bubble, Jasper watched for a moment as Peridot’s gem hovered, then reformed into her body, tense and screaming in rage. She was a runt, standing barely to Jasper’s knees, and when she saw Jasper looming over her she froze. Jasper could almost see the calculations of her chance of survival if she fought, ran, or hid. They were dwindling. Her eyes trailed up to the ceiling and she froze, her voice stuttering to life, “You’re going to _harvest_ me?”

“No. I have something for you.” Jasper reached into her pocket, pulling out the discs of Peridot’s limb enhancers, holding them just out of Peridot’s reach. “But you need to give me something first.” 

Peridot’s eyes shifted from Jasper’s gaze, to the enhancers, to Jasper again. “You really have been brainwashed… Or were you a double agent this whole time?!” The smaller gem gave a slap to Jasper’s leg before scurrying off to the door, Jasper growling like an enormous earth beast as she lumbered after the smaller gem. 

“I have been entrusted with new information.” Jasper stalked the scuttling gem, pouncing before Peridot could get to the warp pad, her broad hands swiping at Peridot only for the smaller gem to escape her grasp. “Peridot, you will stop this!” She snarled, grabbing at Peridot’s stubby little leg as the smaller gem cornered herself amongst the kitchen counters. Jasper grunted at a kick that struck her arm, dragging Peridot back and holding up the limb enhancers. “So. You give me something I want, and I’ll give you something you want.” 

Peridot sneered at her, but her eyes still trailed to the limb enhancers before she cleared her throat and held out her stumpy fingers for them. “Fine.” Jasper handed her the feet first, selecting them from the stack and tossing them at Peridot, watching the smaller gem activate the enhancers. “My hands?” 

“After you tell me what those experiments were part of at the Kindergarten.” 

“I’ll need my arms for that,” Peridot said with the condescending tone of someone trying to patiently explain something to an imbecile. “The data is on those.” 

Jasper contemplated that, grunting to herself before she tossed the discs to Peridot, watching her make herself “presentable”. 

"You know you could have salvaged this information from the ship’s computers.” Peridot said, flexing her floating fingers before she looked at Jasper. “You didn’t have to let me out.” 

“The ship was pretty much destroyed, and I’ve never been good with them anyway. Too old to learn new tricks.” Jasper shrugged, sitting down in front of Peridot and crossing her legs. She had effectively blocked Peridot’s only way out before, but now the smaller gem could easily leap over Jasper’s bulk with her limb enhancers. It was simply a matter of self preservation that Peridot didn’t. 

“Ugh, if you had read the mission report instead of relying on me to give it to you then you would know what we had come here for.” Peridot typed in her access code and Jasper watched as words scrolled across the screen. “Here it is, the cluster.” Peridot flicked the screen and it turned so that Jasper could read it. 

“That thing that attacked Garnet.” 

“No. It wouldn’t have broken through the Earth’s crust yet.” Peridot scoffed, scrolling to various diagrams and graphs. 

Jasper read, then froze, reading the information over again, and again, her shoulders tensing before she grabbed Peridot’s arm. “How deep is it buried in relation to the Kindergarten?” It would destroy the Earth. Everything in it’s wake, entire planets beyond this one. Her Diamond… Pearl… Even Amethyst and Garnet… They’d all be gone. 

“That, I don’t know. I just read the status reports from the Kindergarten’s servers and was meant to leave it at that.” Peridot jerked her arm away from Jasper, who let her go just to keep her from bolting or attacking. 

Jasper was silent for a long moment before she reached out, grabbing Peridot about her throat. “I can’t let them see you like this.” She stated simply. “But I’ll bring you back soon, to explain to them what is going on.” 

“Wait!” Peridot screeched, clawing at the broad fist wrapped around her throat. “If you bubble me I-I’ll refuse to reform! By then it will be too late!” 

Jasper froze, glaring at Peridot. “You’ll reform or I’ll shatter you.” 

“And where would that leave you? You need me! I know how to access the servers and how to find the location of the cluster!” 

Jasper snarled, squeezing, only for one of Peridot’s fingers to gather a live charge, shocking her enough that her arm fizzled, releasing Peridot and causing the smaller gem to drop to the ground. “Peridot!” Jasper roared, chasing after the smaller gem as she raced from the house towards the beach. 

Only to slam into Garnet’s fist as the perma-fusion and the others approached the house, Steven yelping in shock. 

“Peridot!” Steven called out, and Jasper froze only for a moment before she snatched the smaller gem back from Garnet, giving her a shake. 

“I told you not to run!” She growled. She would have tightened her grip and dissolved Peridot’s physical form, but Pearl’s hand rested on her arm, making Jasper tense, but not move. 

“Jasper, what on earth are you doing! Did you let her out of her bubble?” Pearl’s eyes burned with anger, and a sense of trust that had been misplaced as she looked up at the larger gem, keeping Peridot’s struggling form from being dissolved into nothing. 

Her teeth ground together as Jasper worked her jaw before she decided that the truth would be better than any lie she came up with. “I wanted to know about the cluster.” She didn’t loosen her grip on Peridot, giving her a shake that made the smaller gem yelp and curse. “She had information. I got it out of her.” 

“Be that as it may-” 

“You need to get us off this planet.” Peridot snapped, glaring at the Crystal Gems. “As much as I hate all of you, I don’t want to die on this godforsaken stretch of Earth. If you can repair the warps the way you repaired Lapis Lazuli, we can get back to Homeworld before all of this blows up. Helping me will mean mercy will be extended to you!” 

Jasper growled and shook Peridot again. “Mind your tone!” She snarled, but again was stopped by Pearl from doing much more than manhandle Peridot like a ragdoll. 

“What do you mean die? The Earth isn’t going anywhere.” Pearl frowned, staring at Peridot. 

“The Cluster.” 

“We bubbled it.” 

“No, you didn’t. It can’t be bubbled because it is several thousand units across.” Peridot sneered. “It’s buried further under than any of you clods will be able to reach, and if we don’t leave soon it’s going to break through the earth’s crust and destroy everything in it’s path!” 

The Crystal Gems were frozen in silence, before Garnet whispered, “We’ll need more information than that.” 

* * *

Jasper cursed the termite-ridden barn and everything inside it as she lugged parts around for Pearl and Peridot to inspect and assemble. 

“It’s a very nice drawing, Steven, but the drill won’t look like that.” Pearl fondly ruffled Steven’s hair, taking the piece of chalk from the tray at the bottom of the board. 

“Well, thank you. That will be all.” Peridot clapped her hands as if to dismiss Pearl, and Jasper had never seen a more offended look on the other gem’s face. “How do you get her to leave?” Peridot asked Jasper, sneering at Pearl. 

“You don’t.” Jasper grunted, dropping the entire control panel of the ship onto the ground beside the barn. “I trust her more than I trust you.” 

_“What?!” Peridot screeched, glaring at Jasper. “Up until a couple of months ago she was the enemy!”_

__

“Like I said, I was given new information.” Jasper growled, crossing her arms as she glared down at Peridot. “And as far as you’re concerned, I outrank you.” She leaned over, her nose barely touching Peridot’s, causing the other gem to flinch back. “So play nice and work with Pearl.” 

“ _Pearl_?” Peridot’s snide voice grated over Jasper’s nerves, rankling her even more as they stared each other down. “Not _the_ Pearl? She must be a fancy one for you to call her that.” 

“Yes. Just Pearl.” Jasper growled, feeling herself tensing, prepared to just dissolve Peridot’s form and be done with her. “And she is a fancy one. So shut up.” 

“A fancy Pearl?” Steven asked, curiously looking at the two Homeworld gems. 

“Yeah, there’s hundreds of Pearls, made to order servants that are just there to stand around, look pretty and hold doors and stuff.” Peridot shrugged, the last jab making her smugly look at Pearl. “The fancier the Pearl, the more dressed up they are." 

“Hundreds of Pearls?” Steven whispered, staring at Pearl with wide eyes. 

“Just like the hundreds of Jaspers back on Homeworld.” Peridot jabbed, giving Jasper a quick glance. 

“And the hundreds of Peridots.” Jasper turned, letting her hand smack Peridot in the side of the head. “Get back to work.” 

“Clod.” Peridot grumbled, but when Jasper moved to give a harder blow, Pearl grasped her wrist, her delicate fingers barely having to put pressure to make the larger Quartz lower her fist. Peridot’s eyes lingered, not ignoring the touch, and she quirked a brow at Jasper. 

Jasper chose to ignore the unspoken question, moving back to the piles of parts surrounding the barn. 

* * *

“Can you please stop singing.” Jasper grumbled as she lifted and moved various bits of the drill at Peridot’s direction. Steven didn’t stop, instead strumming his instrument a bit more.

“No, we need a break, and it’s nice to sing when you’re on break.” 

Jasper sighed. “We need to finish this drill.” 

“Jasper, relax. Sit down with us for a bit.” Steven said, smiling up at her. Jasper froze, scowling before she sighed and released the hulk of the drill, letting it groan as its full weight rested on the stand they had built. She sat down behind Pearl, her arms crossed over her knees as she looked at Steven. “There, so here… Why don’t we sing together.” He tuned his instrument then began to play it more confidently. 

“I don’t sing.” 

“That’s okay, just start to sing like this!” Steven grinned. “Life and death and love and birth and peace and war on the planet earth. Is there anything that’s worth more than peace and love on the planet earth?” 

Jasper listened to his song, Peridot scowling and trying to sing along as well, only to get frustrated at the easy aimlessness of the music. Steven seemed to have boundless energy for the pass time, and Jasper found herself listening carefully, following and learning the tune. When Pearl took over singing her attention fixed on the other gem. 

Pearls were meant to sing, to entertain, and this one was no different. Her voice was beautiful, soft and lilting at first, but then growing more powerful the more confidently she sang. She watched the sunset glint off of Pearl’s gem, illuminating her face as she smiled and sang, transitioning through songs. The perma-fusion also sang and Amethyst even chimed in. At one point Peridot struggled through her own performance, to the tune that Steven had taught them earlier, and Jasper jumped when Steven laughed and smiled, resting his hand on Jasper’s arm. 

“Your turn, Jasper.” 

Jasper looked down at him, rubbing at her wrist before she cleared her throat. “If I could begin to be… Hmm hm hmm, da da da dum.” Jasper half hummed, half sang. “I would do about anything…” She looked out towards the ocean, breathing deeply the fresh air, her eyes tracing Pearl’s silhouette as the other gem looked out towards Beach City as well, her back turned to Jasper. “I would even learn how…” 

“Jasper!” Peridot’s voice called out, breaking Jasper from her concentration and making Steven jump. The two turned and Peridot sighed. “I need you to lift the cockpit onto the drill so that we can weld it together.” 

Jasper sighed, glancing towards Pearl, before she turned to help Peridot, humming the half-thought through tune that ran circles in her mind. 


	6. When I See The Way You Act

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know, Jasper, there’s a whole crate of things like this somewhere. I’ll bring it by to the temple later in the week once I’ve found them all.” He held the record out to Jasper, who took it carefully, turning it over in her palms as she smiled at the record, reading the songs listed on the back.
> 
> “Thank you… Greg.”

“Where do these ones go? Orange Magic Orcehstra? The fuck is that?” Jasper asked, sitting amongst crates full of records that Greg Universe had decided to reorganize. Pearl glanced over from where she was working to clean out and box up Greg’s more salvageable belongings. She had known that having Jasper help Greg with his music would keep the man from protesting her methods, but she hadn’t known how well the two would get along. A part of her felt a twinge of jealousy at that, at how easygoing the man was, even to a hardened gem like Jasper had succumbed to a type of begrudging fondness of the man.

Or perhaps it was that they shared music taste.

“Oh, put that one over there with the transcendental space rock crate.”

Jasper grunted and followed the direction, picking up another vinyl record and pausing at the cover. “I like this one.” She grunted, holding up the sleeve and Pearl blinked at the cover art, showing a band with leather jackets, white tank tops, and what Pearl could only describe as bondage gear slung about their hips and instruments. 

“The Crüde?” Greg laughed, rubbing the back of his head. “Well, I haven’t listened to them in forever, but if you want it, you can keep it.”

“Can I listen to it?” Jasper asked, holding out the sleeve to the human. Pearl tilted her head and watched as Greg smiled and placed the record on the player. The music that played was loud and brash and unapologetic, screaming about rebelling against the mold. Pearl couldn’t help but smile at the sight of Jasper’s cat-slit pupils blowing to wide, round discs. She instinctively began to bang her head to the tune of the music and half-humming half-singing along with the song. 

Greg laughed and grinned, air guitaring along to the song while Pearl leaned against her stacks of boxes, watching Jasper bob and dance along to the music, her hair a wild mess as it moved around her face. 

“I hope you’re not going to knock out the lights in the house with that music.” Pearl called out, and Jasper whirled around, grinning at her brightly, reaching out her hand. “Dance with me, Pearl!”

“You call that dancing?” She asked, watching Jasper doing abortive little jumps along with her head banging, causing the ground around her to rumble with the force. 

Jasper flushed, but still insistently pulled Pearl’s hand, leading her into a dance as she roared wordlessly along with the music, enthusiastic and delighted in the heavy bass and the electric guitar. Pearl couldn’t help but laugh as she was practically tossed about with ease, Jasper leading her in a bizarre amalgamation of their two dance styles. Greg laughed and grinned, watching the two, and when the song ended he removed the record, sliding it into it’s sleeve.

“You know, Jasper, there’s a whole crate of things like this somewhere. I’ll bring it by to the temple later in the week once I’ve found them all.” He held the record out to Jasper, who took it carefully, turning it over in her palms as she smiled at the record, reading the songs listed on the back.

“Thank you… Greg.”

“Hey, no problem.” Greg smiled up at her. “And if you ever want to go to a rock concert, let me know.”

“Here,” Greg dug around in the garage amongst the belongings that Pearl had spent organizing before he came up with a cheap little record player from the “sell” pile. “So you can listen back at the temple!” 

Jasper accepted the player and smiled even more broadly, showing all of her broad teeth in the grin. “Thank you, really.”

“Don’t mention it.” Greg smiled. “You know, I think I’m going to call it a day and go grab Steven for some dinner. You two want to come along?”

“No, thank you, Greg.” Pearl hastily smiled. “I think I’d rather stay here.”

“No, no, you’ve done enough for today. I’ll be back tomorrow and we can keep up at it.” Greg gave Pearl a quick hug, causing her to grimace slightly at the smell of his sweat, before he moved to nudge things into the storage unit and locked it up. “You two have fun!”

Jasper grunted, still reading the songs on the back of the sleeve, carefully holding the record player under her arm.

Once Greg had left, Pearl and Jasper began to make their way towards the temple, walking at a leisurely pace. Pearl glanced up at Jasper, taking in the sight of her face. She looked much less… Stern… Like this. In front of Steven she was a pillar of strength. In front of the other gems she seemed to have all the answers, to know exactly what to do. It was no mystery that she had risen to her rank as a master tactician, even Pearl’s vague memories of millennia past and Jasper snarling and demanding action, telling Pink Diamond that they weren’t going to win the war by ignoring it, by ignoring the Crystal Gems.

She would have been an excellent addition to the Crystal Gems. But Pink Diamond hadn’t seen it. She’d seen someone dedicated to Homeworld and all it’s goals. Someone who wouldn’t falter, who wouldn’t give up. And she had been scared to apply that force to the Crystal Gems.

Pearl… Pearl couldn’t help but stare at Jasper, at the enormous Quartz that was willing to rage through battles for Pink Diamond, no matter her form. She could still remember how she had felt, fused into Tiger’s Eye. She felt powerful. Confident. Like she could conquer anything on her strength of will alone. 

“Do you think…” Jasper looked at Pearl quietly. “You could teach me how to dance?”

Pearl looked up at Jasper, raising a brow at the much larger gem. “Like me? Ballet?”

“I don’t know.” Jasper was careful not to flex her fingers, lest she damage either of her new gifts. “Just… Like Garnet. I want to dance like she did with you.”

Pearl looked up at Jasper quietly, blinking as she stared at the Quartz. “You shouldn’t dance like her, Jasper.”

“How should I dance then? Like you? Amethyst?”

“Dance like yourself. However that is.”

* * *

“How do I look?”

Pearl froze, staring up at Jasper, her jumpsuit gone, replaced with tight maroon jeans and a white tank top. Where Jasper’s jumpsuit had compressed her chest, this shirt was loose, and Pearl stared at the way Jasper’s breaths heaved her chest, the way the fabric rippled with movement. 

“Um, you should…” Pearl hesitated before reaching out to the loose, open sides of the tank top. “Most human women wear a sports bra. It compresses their breasts.”

Jasper raised a brow and looked down. “You don’t wear things like that.”

“Jasper, I don’t have anything to compress!” Pearl laughed, looking up at Jasper. “You have… A very generous form. All Quartzes do.”

Jasper frowned before she looked down, concentrating for a moment before she took a deep breath, Pearl’s eyes flicked down all the same, and she froze when a black bra materialized, pushing Jasper’s breasts up, compressing them enough that it looked like they would spill out with just a deep enough breath.

“How do I look? Like a Crystal Gem?”

Pearl felt her mouth go dry as Jasper turned to look at her. Stepping forward, Pearl couldn’t help the way her hands slid to the tight dip of Jasper’s waist, her fingers sliding up ribs, counting them slowly, two-four-six-eight-twelve, onwards until she found Jasper’s collarbones, tracing the sturdy curves of her. 

Jasper cleared her throat, her own hands sliding over Pearl’s waist, down to her hips. “Greg told me you had a thing for Quartzes.” 

Pearl flustered for a moment and then looked up at Jasper, raising a brow, trying to be in control of the situation, of her emotions. “He’s one to talk.”

Broad palms practically engulfed Pearl’s body, pulling her closer. One hand easily cradled the entire small of her back, drifting down her rear, her thighs, while the other reached up delicately to press one thick finger beneath Pearl’s chin, tilting her head slightly. 

“Dance with me?” Jasper asked, her fingers shaking ever so slightly. “I’ve been practicing.”

Pearl felt her heart stutter at the thought of Jasper practicing something, something she wanted to share with her. In the quiet of the temple, with Steven out with Amethyst, Garnet out doing a mission on her own, Peridot left behind at the barn, it was only them.

“Okay.” Pearl whispered, staring up at Jasper’s yellow eyes, at those intense cat-slits.

Jasper stumbled slightly as she moved to select a record from the pile that Greg had given her, placing it carefully on the player. Her hands were too large, seemed too meaty to do anything but punch and wrangle and fight with, and yet Pearl watched Jasper use long, pointed claws nails to delicately lift the arm, placing the needle where she needed it with an expert eye. 

The song was bass and drums and the low thrum of an acoustic guitar and Jasper turned to Pearl, grasping her hand and pulling her close, her hands framing Pearl’s waist and hips easily, guiding her to sway, to press close, their thighs lined up as best as they could. The song started low and sedate, and then the chorus hit and Pearl could only follow as Jasper led her through a dance that could only be described as visceral, instinctive. It was movement with only the purpose of bringing them closer together and Pearl was helpless to it. Each movement was unplanned, but Jasper’s broad hands never left Pearl’s body, even as Pearl turned and pressed and practically climbed Jasper’s body. Jasper led the dance, but it gave Pearl so much more freedom to move, Jasper’s body responding to hers, her grip adjusting to accommodate Pearl’s every movement.

Thin fingers tangled in the hair at the base of Jasper’s neck and she puffed out a small gasp as she hooked her leg around Jasper’s hip, letting Jasper dip her low, her hands releasing Jasper to trail her fingertips on the ground. When Jasper straightened their bodies, Pearl shivered, running her hands down her cheeks, her neck, tilting her head to look at Jasper through lidded eyes, one arm draped over Jasper’s shoulder, the other gripping her arm as Jasper pressed their hips together. 

Their breaths were mingling together, soft and warm, and Jasper’s fingers dug lightly into the small of Pearl’s back, pulling her close their hips grinding together, Pearl’s chest pressed to Jasper’s, their mouths bare inches from slotting together.

“What is this?” Jasper asked, staring at Pearl like she held all the answers. “It’s like I want to fuse… But that’s not right.”

“I-it’s…” Pearl shivered, staring up at Jasper’s yellow eyes, glowing in the darkness of the room. “Desire.”

Jasper shivered, and Pearl felt so very powerful in that moment, having made the strongest Quartz to come from Earth to quiver with only a word. “I don’t know if I like it.”

Delicate fingers tangled in Jasper’s mane of hair, drawing her close, pressing their lips together. Those broad, blunt teeth dug into Pearl’s lower lip, not hard enough to break the skin, but enough to make Pearl gasp and press closer, capturing one of Jasper’s full lips between her own teeth, giving a hard suck before she bit at the soft skin. 

“Pearl.” Jasper whispered, pinning Pearl against the kitchen countertop, lifting her onto the smooth surface so that they were more even. A single hand engulfed Pearl’s jaw, the back of her skull, cradling her close, as if she never wanted Pearl to leave that spot. She was so strong, so big, but her movements weren’t demanding, didn’t bruise. If anything, each touch was a suggestion, a guide, giving Pearl the opportunity to feign greater strength, to pull back, to force Jasper to retreat and stop with a word or a look or a touch. Even here, Jasper was leading only as a means to give Pearl a freedom, a sense of support to allow her to breathe and move as she pleased.

“Pearl.”

Garnet’s voice cut through the moment and Pearl froze, Jasper jerking back from her as if she had been burned, the two of them turning to stare at Garnet.

“Steven will be here in a few minutes. Make yourself decent.”

Pearl touched her lip, glancing at the darkened window and flushing when she realized that she was kiss-flushed, her hair ruffled out of place, her silk sash partially unraveled. 

Jasper cleared her throat, glancing at Garnet before she nodded towards the beach. “I’ll go down and patrol.” She mumbled, leaving through the storm door before either of the other gems could stop her.

“We were only dancing.” Pearl blurted out when she turned to face Garnet, having corrected her hair and sash. If it took her the same amount of time to make herself decent as it did for Jasper to disappear out of eye sight, then that was only a coincidence.

Garnet smirked at her. “Looked like some dance.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate Title: Dirty Dancing To Muse Songs


	7. Wondering When I'm Coming Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You… _knew_ Pearl?”
> 
> “Of course.” Jasper sighed, laying back on the floorboards, looking up at the two. “Fine. Do you want to hear the story?”
> 
> “Yes!” 
> 
> “It was millennia ago. And back then everyone on Earth was part of Pink Diamond’s court…”

“Come on, Jasper, you can’t just sit there the whole time.” Amethyst sighed, she and Steven trying to push the larger gem over from where she was seated in front of the warp pad. Jasper couldn’t help but watch them in amusement as she remained unmoved, watching the two smaller gems struggle to topple her bulk. 

“I certainly can. I have patience.”

“I saw you punch a vending machine when it didn’t drop your candy bar fast enough.”

“That’s what they do in your movies to get it to drop!” Jasper huffed, ruffling Steven’s hair before she caught Amethyst in a headlock. “Besides, shouldn’t you two be at the barn with Peridot?”

“Peridot says that we’re distractions and no help at all.” Amethyst grunted as she struggled out of the headlock, her hair fluffing up around her head before she shook it out. “Besides, we’re much cooler than the wonder nerds, right?”

“I still don’t understand why you call Pearl that.” Jasper gave a chuckle. “The Pearl I knew was hardly a nerd.”

Steven and Amethyst fell suspiciously silent and Jasper immediately cringed, knowing that she had opened a proverbial can of something unpleasant. “You… _knew_ Pearl?”

“Of course.” Jasper sighed, laying back on the floorboards, looking up at the two. “Fine. Do you want to hear the story?”

“Yes!” Steven shouted, grinning down at Jasper, clambering to lay on the floor beside her, Amethyst pressed against Jasper’s other side, the two looking up at her with such expectant gazes that Jasper could physically feel it.

“It was millennia ago. And back then everyone on Earth was part of Pink Diamond’s court…”

* * *

Jasper stood before Pink Diamond’s throne, staring at the shattered shards of her. She had seen Rose Quartz, had watched her sword slash through the Diamond, shattering her, and she had been unable to do anything. 

The entire army stood before the pink palanquin, waiting quietly for orders, uncertain. Blue Diamond was expected to arrive soon, and perhaps then there would be some direction given, perhaps they would be ordered to continue the fight. Perhaps they’d be ordered to leave the planet, let the Crystal Gems have their victory.

“Jasper.” Pink Diamond’s Pearl reached out to Jasper and the Quartz jumped at the lightest brush of pale fingers on her shoulder, turning to stare at the Pearl. “I… I wanted to speak with you. Privately.”

Jasper stared at the Pearl, taking in her blue gaze before she let out a shaky breath, following Pearl away from the Palanquin, through the sea of Quartzes and the rest of Pink Diamond’s court milling about, whispering and wondering about an uncertain future. Her sisters looked at her in confusion as she followed the Pearl, Jasper waving off their concerned murmurs.

Pearl stopped at the edge of the cliffside, looking out on the sea of organic material that covered the area. Jasper stared at her, taking in the sleek, soft lines of her body. She was perfect, of course she was, the Pearl that was the personal servant to Pink Diamond could be nothing less. Her large blue eyes looked out to the untamed wilderness and Jasper silently waited for her to speak, taking the opportunity to stare her fill, something she had never allowed herself to do before. 

Pearl wasn’t anyone’s now. She was an ownerless Pearl. And Jasper could picture her beside her, in reds and pinks and oranges, mirroring the sunset over the Beta Kindergarten. 

“Jasper, I want to ask you something.” Pearl turned to face Jasper, staring at her with stern, fixed eyes. “How deep do your loyalties to your Diamond run?”

“If it would have saved Pink Diamond, I would have happily taken the blade meant for her.” Jasper said softly, staring at Pearl. “I should have been there. I should have seen Rose Quartz, I should have stopped her.” Jasper’s fist clenched tightly. “It is my duty to shatter Rose Quartz now, to avenge my Diamond. Your Diamond. Our Diamond.” A broad palm reached out, grasping Pearl’s jaw as gently as she could, managing her strength. It wouldn’t do to hurt the delicate gem. “You can help me.”

“Wh-what?” Pearl asked, startled as she stared up at Jasper. 

“You can help me. You can be by my side.” Jasper cupped Pearl’s face gently in her palms, staring at her. “You can be my Pearl.”

Pearl ripped her head away from Jasper’s grip, her lips pulled back in a snarl. “I belong to no one.”

“Not yet.” Jasper stepped forward, towards the edge of the cliff, Pearl’s foot stumbling at the edge. Jasper grasped at her wrist, pulling her back. “We could avenge Pink Diamond. Then when we return to Homeworld I can keep you.” Her palms brushed over Pearl’s face, the perfect doll-like features of her lips and cheeks. “I won’t die in this war a nobody, I swear to you. Anything you desire, it could be yours. If it is not given to me, I will take it.”

“Jasper,” Pearl gripped the larger gem’s wrist, her eyes hard. “No. I belong to no one now, and I will remain that way.” She looked up at Jasper, searching her face. “And you can too. You don’t need Homeworld, you don’t need the Diamonds. You’re so strong, you’re a warrior without measure.” Her delicate hands framed Jasper’s own palm as she looked up at her. “I want to show you something.”

In a glow of light, before Jasper could stop her, Pearl’s clothing changed. Gone was the soft, flowing skirt, the elaborate silks and satins, instead a practical jumpsuit, resembling a Quartz soldier’s clothing, and a small ruffle of silk about her shoulders.

Jasper froze, jerking back, snarling as her helmet materialized. “You!” She snarled. “The renegade! One of the Crystal Gems! It was you that let Rose Quartz into the palanquin!”

“Yes.” Pearl whispered, staring up at the larger gem. “It was me. Jasper, I’m a Crystal Gem too. And I want to fight for freedom of all gems from tyranny.” 

“No.” Jasper snarled, grasping Pearl about her throat, shaking her. “Traitor! I’ll see you shattered for your treason!”

Pearl’s eyes hardened and in an instant a spear was draw from her gem, materializing in her hand. She slashed across Jasper’s face unprotected by her helmet, blood gushing from the wound. Jasper roared in rage, throwing Pearl away from the cliffside, the smaller gem gliding through the air and landing on her feet easily as Jasper whirled and charged, tearing through tree trunks and the surrounding organic flora, startling animals and sending them scattering as she punched and swiped at Pearl. 

She was stronger than the Pearl, but she was also slower, bulkier. Pearl slashed and stabbed at Jasper’s striped arms, her torso, her legs. The two of them dancing in endless circles, Jasper pursuing the Pearl, trying to get closer, to gain space between them, only for Pearl to keep a healthy distance from her, using her spear to land glancing blows.

“What did you do with the real Pearl?” Jasper snarled, swiping at her enemy. “Pink Diamond’s Pearl? Did you shatter her too? Take her place?” Jasper’s fist connected with Pearl’s middle, sending her slamming into a tree trunk, Pearl gasping at the impact, breathing heavily for a moment as she regained herself, Jasper lumbering over to grab at the smaller Pearl’s neck, pinning her to the tree, her free fist pulling back. “Let me return the favor.”

The wet sound of impact made Jasper freeze. The burning pain in her thigh was suffocating and she wheezed, staring at Pearl as the smaller gem summoned another spear, stabbing it through her stomach, the other one holding Jasper’s leg in place. Jasper stumbled, but was unable to move, her body faltering. Another spear, this one straight through her chest.

“I’m sorry.” Pearl whispered, staring up at her, still held up by Jasper’s broad palm. “I didn’t want it to end like this. I wanted you to join us. I wanted to tell you the truth.” Soft fingers reached out to touch Jasper’s gem. “I’m sorry, Jasper.”

And then darkness.

Jasper work several hours later, in the ruins of the forest, the sound of a ship’s engine roaring above her, the sight of Blue and Yellow Diamond’s ships hovering over where Pink Diamond’s palanquin rested. She could see the two palanquins coming down from the ships, and she stood, groaning in pain before she made her way towards the congregated gems. 

She’d fight this war until she had her revenge. She’d tell the Diamonds everything. 

Even as she thought that, she felt something deep in her chest mourn a second loss.

Pink Diamond’s Pearl was gone. Just like Pink Diamond. And Jasper had failed both of them.

* * *

“So… Pearl was there.” Amethyst stared at Jasper. “She was… God, she was one of the first in the rebellion.”

“Yes.” Jasper said simply. “She was the first gem to ever defeat me. And I underestimated her. I always did.” Jasper sighed, looking at the warp pad as she straightened up. “You take Pearl for granted. But she was a blooded warrior before you were barely a twinkle in the Kindergarten’s injector.” Jasper smiled down at Amethyst. “You could do well to listen to her a bit more. But not too much. Can’t have her ego getting too big.”

“Jasper…” Steven looked up at the larger gem, his eyes wide and sad. “Did… Why did she let my mom shatter Pink Diamond?”

“That, Steven, is a question for her.” Jasper stroked over Steven’s wild curls, sighing softly. “It was a war. We did what we thought was right in the war. Both of us. That doesn’t absolve us of anything we did, but it does explain it.”

“Why did you change your mind?”

Jasper sighed, looking at the warp pad, contemplating her next words carefully. “When we fused… When we became Tiger’s Eye for the first time… She showed me a side of Pink Diamond that I had never seen, that I could never reconcile with the Diamond I followed. She opened my eyes.” Jasper sighed, not looking at the other two gems. “She gave me answers I had been searching for for millennia, and I trusted her once. I decided to trust her again.”


	8. I Could Do About Anything (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “She’s going to destroy me.” Peridot whimpered.
> 
> “No, she won’t.” Jasper said simply. “You don’t matter that much. She’ll just let the Cluster do it’s job.” She sighed and stared at Peridot. “That’s the thing about you intellectual types.” Peridot looked up at Jasper, her eyes wide as she stared at the Quartz. “You don’t realize you’re just as expendable as the rest of us. Something happens to you? There’s a thousand more Peridots scrambling to take your place.” Jasper grunted as she stood, one leg, then the other.

“Well, the drill is essentially functional, at least for this one mission, now all we need is the coordinates of the cluster.”

“It’s not below the Prime Kindergarten?” Jasper asked, frowning as she crossed her arms and looked over the drill. It was small, it would likely only be able to be piloted by Peridot, Steven, or Amethyst (and even then, Peridot would have to remove her limb enhancers), but it looked stable enough, and Pearl was spot welding the last places that were causing her some concern. The Crystal Gems were inspecting their handiwork, quietly listening to Jasper and Peridot’s argument, as they tended to. It wasn’t that Jasper… Disliked Peridot. It was just that the other gem had an overinflated sense of her own self worth. 

Not that Jasper didn’t suffer the same, she supposed, but she at least didn’t go around declaring herself the leader of the Crystal Gems and the “great and lovable Jasper”.

“It is, but we don’t want to have to transport this to the Prime Kindergarten.” Peridot explained slowly, staring at Jasper with a sarcastic look in her eye. “Unless you want to carry this hunk of metal all the way there.”

“Why not? I could use the exercise.” Jasper growled, glaring at Peridot.

“Ugh, it’s just easier if we get the coordinates! We need to go to a base, maybe Pink Diamond’s old base has something we could use.”

“No.” Jasper said simply. “We made sure to destroy anything in there at Era 1 when we evacuated.”

“What about the moon base?” Pearl asked, lifting her welding mask and shucking her thick gloves. “There might still be something functional up there.”

“And how do you suggest we get to the _moon_ without a _ship_?” Peridot sneered, looking at the Crystal Gems.

Steven gasped and grinned. “Lion can take us!”

Jasper cringed at that thought, staring at the enormous pink beast. She had a hard enough time riding the lion on Earth, she could only imagine how sick it would make her to ride it to the _moon_.

* * *

Jasper couldn’t contain herself, stumbling off the back of the lion and heaving, bile spilling past her lips, burning her throat. 

“Oh, Jasper.” Pearl sighed, rubbing at her back. “I’m sorry, but it really was the only way.”

“I’m fine.” She heaved again, wiping at her mouth before a few deep breaths made her vision stop swimming in front of her eyes. 

“Whoa…” Steven gasped, staring at the murals on the walls and when Jasper looked up she froze, staring at the sight of the four Diamonds carved into the ceiling. Something inside her burned at the sight of Pink Diamond’s effigy on the wall, and for a moment she thought she might be sick again, but swallowed thickly, taking a deeper breath and standing, stepping around the pool of her own bile as Pearl looked at the walls as well, a sadness in her eyes that she was quick to cover up. Jasper reached out, taking Pearl’s hand before she turned to Peridot, who was gawking and giggling at the sight of Yellow Diamond’s mural.

“The radiant, perfect, immaculate Yellow Diamond!” She crowed, jumping around in a wholly undignified manner. “Only the elites have walked these sacred halls, the best of the best.” Peridot shivered and giggled. “We’re literally walking in the footsteps of the Diamonds!”

Jasper grunted as she found the access point, stomping on it and making the staircase pop up, looking over at Peridot and the others. “Let’s get out of here.”

She ignored Peridot’s explanation of what the Diamonds were as best as she could, watching Steven’s eyes cautiously scan the walls. When he hesitated in front of the mural of Pink Diamond, Jasper rested her hand on his shoulder, guiding him gently forward. “This is your heritage,” She said softly. “But not your destiny. Ignore Peridot’s fanaticism.”

“You’re one to talk!” Peridot huffed. “Pink Diamond! Pink Diamond! Ugh, get _over_ it!”

“So you wouldn’t mourn Yellow Diamond if she was shattered?”

“Yellow Diamond wouldn’t be shattered, she’s too cunning and intelligent for that.” Peridot sniffed, turning the final bend of the staircase before she squeaked. “Oh my stars. The _control panel_!”

“Here we go.” Jasper gently moved past the other gems, walking to the panel and moving to sit in the seat in front of the control panel.

“You can’t sit there!” Peridot screeched, scrambling over and punching Jasper’s leg.

Jasper growled and swiped at Peridot. “Fine, then you access the database!”

“I will!” Peridot turned to the broad, gleaming control panel and froze, poking at a few ports, trying to find a hookup point where her floating fingers could access. “Hmm… Maybe… Here? No. No. Umm… Ugh, this is useless! This tech is so ancient it probably doesn’t even work!”

Jasper smirked, “Steven, come over here.” She patted her thigh and the boy scrambled up, perched on her leg. “Touch that.” She said, pointing to the hand shaped column next to the chair. Steven stuck out his tongue, reaching up to rest his hand against it, gasping when the display lit up.

“I did it!” Steven shouted, grinning as Peridot turned, racing over to look at the access panel. 

“Of course. Now, um, see if you can find the project files!”

“Umm…”

Peridot sighed. “Scoot over, let me!”

Jasper and Steven stood, letting Peridot sit in the seat, freezing as she contemplated that she was sitting in the same spot that a Diamond had once sat, before she cleared her throat and began searching through the files.

“Ah-ha!” Peridot’s exclamation made the others turn and they all stood in front of the screen. “And here are the coordinates of the insertion point! I’ll just download that onto my screen…” It took some fiddling, but Peridot managed to get the information downloaded. “Let’s see… Anything else of use on here?”

“We got what we came for, let’s go.” Garnet said, and Jasper nodded, moving to collect Peridot. 

“Does this thing play games?” Steven asked, looking at the screen curiously.

“No, it doesn’t play _games_.” Peridot huffed. “It was used for planning a colony. Look.” She selected a project file and it showed the current number of structures. “So what was made on Earth currently is only about five percent of what was meant to be made.”

“Five percent?” Amethyst asked, frowning. “Like… Where’s the rest of it?”

“They never built it,” Jasper shrugged. “We retreated before we could build more.”

“Let’s see what a finished Earth colony would look like.” Peridot tapped in a code and the hologram changed, showing the constructions rising, but the center of the Earth hollowing out. “Ta Da!” She crowed gesturing. “Eighty-nine kindergartens, sixty-seven spires, a Galaxy Warp in each facet, efficient use of all available materials.” Peridot looked at Pearl and Garnet in confusion. “What were you thinking, shutting this operation down? It could've been great!”

“No, it wouldn’t have.” Pearl clenched her fist, staring at the projection. 

“It would have.” Jasper said. “It would have become a hub for gem kind. But it was better to abandon the planet entirely after Pink Diamond was killed. An acceptable loss in the opinion of the Diamonds.”

Pearl’s head turned, her eyes boring into Jasper before she took a deep breath and looked away.

“Man, this plan stinks.”

“Well, if it had gone right ahead like this, then there would be no cluster!” Peridot snapped. “So thank you, Rose Quartz! You doomed the planet!”

Jasper’s fist smashed into the control panel and Peridot yelped, scrambling away from her as Jasper kicked the panel again for good measure, sending it sparking and fizzling across the room. “Peridot.”

“Y-yes?”

“Shut up.”

“We’re leaving.” Garnet snapped, turning away from the room. “Let’s go, Steven.”

* * *

“Peridot!” Jasper thundered after the smaller gem’s battered and heavily damaged escape pod, Amethyst transformed into a strange type of airship behind her. Jasper snarled as Peridot turned sharply, trying to evade the gems, Jasper feeling herself begin to spin in hopes of ramming into the barely-hovering escape pod. It had survived so much brutality so far, but was on it’s last leg and Jasper knew that one more strike would break it clean down the middle.

Ramming into the ship, Jasper snarled as the impact made her own body shake, shattering the escape pod and sending Peridot scrambling. “I’ll shatter you, Peridot!” She shouted, reaching out, snatching at the smaller gem.

Peridot’s mechanical fingers sparked and crackled, the live charge slamming into Jasper’s pressure points. Neck, shoulders, hips, stomach and Jasper froze, screaming in pain at the current coursing through her, her entire body shaking from the prolonged charge. 

“Disperse, already!” Peridot snarled, cranking up the charge, making Jasper’s screams climb in pitch. 

“Jasper!” Pearl’s voice sounded so distant, but her spear crashing into Peridot’s foot made Peridot’s concentration break, the charge fizzling out of existence, leaving nothing but the smoke pouring off of Jasper. She panted, falling to the side and onto the grass, still smoking even as Peridot fought the other gems for the communicator she had stolen from the moon base.

Jasper growled, grabbing Steven as he tried to intervene, pulling him close with her weakly shaking and wobbling arms. “Don’t.” She wheezed, collapsing on her side.

“Jasper? Jasper, I can fix this!” Steven licked his hand, placing it against Jasper’s body, only to yelp at the heat pouring off of Jasper’s body from the charge. 

Everything went blank when the Diamond Line was activated by Peridot and the others scrambled out of viewing range.

* * *

Jasper woke in the barn, with no memory of how she got there. Likely Garnet had helped carry the majority of her weight back to the barn. She jerked upright when she saw Peridot sitting beside her, the smaller gem rocking back and forth, her legs pulled close to her chest as she muttered to herself.

“I called Yellow Diamond a _clod_.” She wheezed, staring off into space. “Oh my stars. Oh no. Oh no. Oh _fuck_.”

“Don’t say that where Steven can hear.” Jasper murmured, sitting upright and wincing at the feeling of her muscles spasming, aftershocks of the thousands of volts of electricity that had been poured into her. 

“She wanted to destroy the planet, she didn’t care, she wanted the cluster to come out, she doesn’t care. She _planted_ it here on _purpose_.”

“Of course she did.” Jasper grunted, rolling onto her side, then all fours, pushing herself up so that she was kneeling, leaning back on her heels. “You never had to give a report to Yellow Diamond. Those gem experiments? They’re everywhere in her private offices.” Another spasm, this time in her face, and Jasper worked her jaw. “The cluster has Yellow Diamond written all over it.”

“She’s going to destroy me.” Peridot whimpered.

“No, she won’t.” Jasper said simply. “You don’t matter that much. She’ll just let the Cluster do it’s job.” She sighed and stared at Peridot. “That’s the thing about you intellectual types.” Peridot looked up at Jasper, her eyes wide as she stared at the Quartz. “You don’t realize you’re just as expendable as the rest of us. Something happens to you? There’s a thousand more Peridots scrambling to take your place.” Jasper grunted as she stood, one leg, then the other. 

“I don’t matter to her.” Peridot sighed, looking down. 

“No. You don’t.” Jasper stared at the smaller gem before she held out her hand. “But you matter to the Crystal Gems. They’re… Backwards. And a bit fucked up. And they would be put to death on Homeworld... But we matter to them.”

Peridot stared at her hand, before she took it, letting Jasper help her to her feet. 

“We’re going to die on this planet.”

“Maybe. But not because of the Cluster.”


	9. I Could Even Learn How To Love (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Pink Diamond was… Careless. And cruel in ways I… I took so long to realize.” Pearl whispered. “But she’s gone. And you can’t change that. Or what she did. But now… Now it’s different. Life is different. Earth is different. Even she gave up her form, and someone completely new came from it.”

Jasper was standing silently as Yellow Diamond and Blue Diamond knelt before Pink Diamond’s throne, clutching the remaining shards of her gem. Yellow Diamond screaming in a pain that had boiled to rage while Blue Diamond’s sobs wracked her whole body.

“I want Rose Quartz! All of them! Every gem gathered up and bubbled!”

“Find the one that did this.” Blue Diamond sobbed, her baleful gaze turned to Jasper. “I want to shatter her with my own two hands.”

Jasper was in the midst of a battle in a field filled with weapons and fallen gems, shards of her comrades and enemies alike crunching beneath her feet as she fought a behemoth fusion, snarling and roaring, jamming her fist into the chest of the fusion, ripping away a gem, then another, until she came to the final Topaz that had made up the fusion, ripping her gem from her arm. Her fist clenched tight around the gems and they rubbed and chipped and cracked.

Jasper was screaming as she faced Rose Quartz, that pink blade slicing through her physical form. 

Jasper was on the ground as Rose Quartz stabbed her sword down into Jasper’s physical form.

Jasper was knelt beside a fallen comrade, wiping her eyes as she clutched the shards of one of her fellow Kindergarten Jaspers, looking up as Rose Quartz’s sword slashed down, cleaving her head from her shoulders.

Jasper was running to transports, orders from the Diamonds telling them to retreat, to leave the planet, that the Diamonds would be blasting the Earth with their combined powers, destroying all gem life on the surface. 

Jasper woke from her nap with a jolt, her entire body tense as she listened to something pounding on the ceiling, on the windows and walls of the ship. They were surrounded, the Crystal Gems tearing at the walls, at the ceiling, digging beneath them. They were going to die, there was no way their ship could handle takeoff with so many gems clawing and scrambling to tear entire pieces off of the ship. It was a Quartz drop ship, but still a ship nonetheless, it wasn’t indestructible.

“Jasper!” A voice called and Jasper screamed, covering her ears as a loud boom sounded overhead, a crashing noise, the scream of metal being torn back, flashes of light catching on weapons outside.

“Jasper!” Pale hands grasped at Jasper’s arm, and she panted, wheezing, not even realizing that her crash helmet had formed until she looked over at the Pearl beside her, her normally milky white skin tinged yellow from the visor.

And like that, she wasn’t in the ship anymore, she was in the Crystal Gem’s temple, laying on the floor, her hands shielding her face as she panted and stared up at Pearl.

“We’re under attack.” She wheezed, jumping at the sound of the crash overhead, her helmet not retracting as she raced to the door, out in front, roaring protectively.

Only to be faced with nothing, only rain pouring down from the sky, soaking through her clothing and hair, pattering upon her visor as she stared upwards at the heavy clouds looming overhead. 

“Jasper, come inside, we’re not under attack, it’s just a storm.” Pearl’s cool hands rested against Jasper’s body and she shuddered, jumping slightly, pulling back from the gentle touch out of instinct. “Jasper, it’s fine, we’re fine.” Pearl hesitated before she carefully reached out, touching Jasper’s cheeks, shielded by the crash helmet. “Take this off, Jasper. You’re safe. I’m here.”

Jasper let out a shuddering breath, staring at Pearl before she slowly let her helmet dissolve, the water hitting her face unobstructed as she looked up at the sky. Pearl’s fingers slowly pulled her face back down, guiding her to stare into Pearl’s comforting, reassuring gaze. 

“Inside, Jasper, let’s go to the bathroom.”

Jasper quietly followed Pearl, shuddering through the aftershocks of her nightmares, rubbing at the water that had gotten into her eyes before she let out a deep breath and looked at Pearl, following the smaller gem into the bathroom. “Humans have strange rituals.” Pearl commented, turning on the tap for the tub and testing it with her water. “But baths are definitely is my favourite of them.” She reached up towards her gem, producing a small green bottle and poured a sweet, floral scented liquid into the tub, letting bubbles form up in the tub as it filled. “Come on, undress.”

Jasper froze, staring at Pearl before she tried to will her clothing away, only to struggle with even that, her shirt flickering slightly before remaining on her form. She wanted to apologize, but when she opened her mouth nothing came out, her chest heaving with half a sob as she looked at Pearl. 

“That’s okay.” Pearl whispered, smiling reassuringly, reaching out to slide Jasper’s shirt off. “Stand up.” 

Jasper obeyed and Pearl began to undo her jeans, pulling the dense fabric down, carefully folding the clothing and placing it on the closed toilet seat, reaching up to undo her bra. Jasper thought that would be it, but her breath caught when Pearl began to undress as well, peeling out of her shorts before she began to slowly undo the long silk sash around her middle. She stared as Pearl’s body, small and doll-like, was revealed and she smiled up at Jasper, coaxing her into the filled tub with gentle hands. 

Water splashed over the edge as Jasper sat down, and when Pearl climbed in even more water became displaced. “Sorry.” She grunted softly, staring at the water on the floor.

“Don’t be.” Pearl smiled, gently tilting Jasper’s head. “You think this is the first time there’s been a flooded bathroom?” She teased, gently stroking her hands over Jasper’s jaw and neck, massaging and kneading gently with her long, thin fingers. “Just relax. You’re safe. Everything is fine.”

Jasper grunted at that, her eyes slowly closing without her volition, her head tilting forward, her forehead resting against Pearl’s as the smaller gem laid on Jasper’s much larger body. The tub was far too small, most of Jasper’s long legs and torso were outside the water, but the warmth of the water and the steam in the air made her tense muscles slowly unwind as she just breathed. A broad arm wrapped around Pearl’s middle, pulling her close, and Pearl shivered, staring up at the Quartz’s eyes. Jasper’s broad fingers stroked over Pearl’s back, tracing the notches of her spine, the wings of her shoulders, the faint outline of her ribs, memorizing the structure of her.

“Jasper,” Pearl breathed, her fingers rubbing over Jasper’s shoulders, her blue eyes heavily lidded as they stared down at her, Jasper slowly squeezing Pearl’s hips, drawing her closer, leaning up for a slow, long kiss from the smaller gem. 

This was still so strange and new to her. She hadn’t ever kissed before. The wet slide of their tongues together made Jasper shiver, her entire body warming at the feeling, aching for a touch that she didn’t know how to describe. Pearl seemed to know something that she didn’t, and Jasper wondered what else she had picked up in her millennia among humans. 

“Jasper,” Pearl slowly stroked her fingers over Jasper’s breasts, moving some of the soapy water over her body, making Jasper hum absently, her eyes focusing after a moment. Pearl slowly adjusted, grabbing a sponge from the edge of the tub and beginning to scrub and clean Jasper’s arms, her neck, her shoulders, her sides and breasts. She lifted the Quartz’s broad palm, cleaning her fingers, her wrist, then her other hand, repeating the movements. It wasn’t until Pearl looked up at her and her expression changed to one of concern did Jasper realize that she was crying, tears running down her face freely. “Oh… Jasper, what’s wrong?”

“She… I dreamed of her. As Rose Quartz.” Jasper whispered. “She never shattered me, or cracked me, but she faced me over and over. And she still never…” A sob that had been clawing at her throat finally broke out. “She never told me. I meant so little to her - I meant nothing. Just like I told Peridot.”

“Oh, Jasper…” Pearl stroked over Jasper’s face, over her jaw, her cheeks, her brow, her thumb even daring to trace the hard ridge of Jasper’s gem as she pulled her head close, cradling her against Pearl’s own breast, soft fingers carding through Jasper’s hair. “She… She didn’t want to make you compromised. She didn’t want to risk you.”

“I would have died for her.” Jasper whispered. “I would have done anything for my Diamond. And she…” Jasper’s face pressed to Pearl’s soft skin and she shuddered. “She should have shattered me. It would have hurt less than to know that I meant nothing to her.”

Pearl’s fingers carded through Jasper’s hair, humming soft nonsense to her, long fingers working tangles from Jasper’s wild mane of hair, letting the larger gem collapse into sobs against her. 

“Pink Diamond was… Careless. And cruel in ways I… I took so long to realize.” Pearl whispered. “But she’s gone. And you can’t change that. Or what she did.” She kissed the top of Jasper’s head, resting her cheek against Jasper’s temple. “But now… Now it’s different. Life is different. Earth is different. Even she gave up her form, and someone completely new came from it.” 

It was a few more minutes of quiet sobs before Jasper stilled, and Pearl looked down at the exhausted Quartz, her fingers stroking over broad cheekbones before she leaned in to kiss Jasper’s lips softly. She’d need to either ask Garnet for help moving Jasper if she fell asleep, or she’d need to just tell Steven to not use the bathroom.

“Jasper, come to bed.” Pearl whispered, and yellow eyes fixed on blue before she stood, slowly, aching, gathering her clothing and moving to pull it back on, only for Pearl to shake her head and peer out of the bathroom. The house was empty, so Pearl grasped Jasper’s hand, leading her to the temple door and opening her room.

When they entered it, Jasper looked around curiously, Pearl leading her to the water. Near the back of the room, amid fountains of water, a large bed in the shape of a seashell lay, blankets carefully tucked around it pillows spilling out over the edges. Pearl climbed in, patting on the soft cushioning as Jasper curled up inside the bed, Pearl slipping closer as the larger gem made the bed dip. 

“Better?” Pearl asked softly, stroking her fingers against Jasper’s side, wrapping her arm around her waist.

Jasper nodded, her eyes drooping as she stared at Pearl, the endless stress of the recent months finally catching up with her, exhausting her body as she curled her bulk around Pearl. “Better.”

“You can come here whenever you need.” Pearl whispered even as Jasper began to drift towards sleep. 

Jasper nodded, mumbling a thank you.

She wasn’t sure if she was dreaming when she heard Pearl whisper, “You matter to me.”


	10. I Always Thought I Might Be Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You would too.” Jasper growled, turning and walking towards the door to the temple. “Just as cold as before.”
> 
> “Oh, _cold_!” Pearl laughed, chasing after Jasper. “Cold?”
> 
> “Feeding me lies, never telling me the truth about Pink Diamond, Rose Quartz.” 
> 
> “I wasn’t the one who couldn’t _listen_ for five seconds for me to tell her the truth! That was the hot-headed, thick-skulled Quartz between the two of us!”

Jasper’s legs kicked as she felt water filling her lungs, her eyes rolling back as Lapis lifted her clean off her feet, the water surrounding her head making her hair float in a cloud, obscuring her face even more from Pearl’s sight. She tried to claw at her own face, screaming inside the water, writhing in mid-air.

“Lapis, _please_!” Steven sobbed, grabbing at the gem’s arm, trying to get her to let Jasper go even as Pearl held her spear aimed at Lapis Lazuli, uncertain as to what to do, what would hurt Jasper more if Lapis lost her focus.

Jasper’s legs had stopped moving, her fingers were barely twitching and she was still, too still, and Pearl felt her entire chest contract in terror. It was ridiculous. Their kind couldn’t be killed by drowning. At worst she’d retreat into her gem and that would be it. But even then, the sight made Pearl shout and turn, slashing her weapon through Jasper’s body.

Her gem fell straight through the water and into Pearl’s hand and Lapis let the water fall in a rush, Pearl avoiding it as she turned, clutching Jasper’s gem to her chest. 

“She _tortured_ me, Pearl!” Lapis snarled. “Do you know what she did to get me on that ship? What she made me tell?”

“No one deserved that!” Pearl shouted back. “She was following orders from her superior!”

“That’s what they all say to justify how messed up they are! What they do just for the sick pleasure of it! They were following orders!” Lapis screamed, hoarse and trembling. “She was the one who put me in the mirror! I knew it was her, I remembered her voice! She kept me trapped in that mirror for centuries!” Lapis’ eyes gleamed. “I want her to feel a fraction of that pain.”

“No!” Pearl shouted, clutching Jasper’s gem even more protectively close. 

Lapis sneered at Pearl, clenching her fist. “You’re no better than her. Keeping me in the mirror, using me, never even questioning who I once was.”

Pearl stumbled back, Steven grasping Lapis’ hand as the terraformer stepped towards Pearl. “No wonder you fused with her. You’re just as bad as she is. Using people, convincing people that you’re absolved just because you _followed orders_.”

A flood of lies filled Pearl’s mind and she clamped down on those thoughts, shoving them aside to be examined and organized later. Now was not the time. Now Steven and Jasper were in danger and Lapis was a threat and Pearl couldn’t think of anything else. Her spear hurtled towards Lapis, the movement an attack with no real plan, just to protect Steven at all costs, to remove the perceived threat.

Steven’s eyes widened and he caught Lapis’ gem as her physical form vanished in a cloud of dust. He froze, staring at Pearl, who felt the sharp edges of Jasper’s gem cutting into her palm.

“Steven, I’m sorry,” Pearl choked out, kneeling in front of him, her free hand hesitantly reaching out to him. He didn’t flinch back, but he looked so much sadder than Pearl ever wanted him to look. 

“I think… Maybe Jasper should stay away from Lapis.” Steven looked up at Pearl. “I’m going to take Lapis to the barn, she can bunk with Peridot for a bit.”

“Steven, I didn’t… I just didn’t want her to hurt you or anyone else.”

“I know, Pearl.” Steven quietly held Lapis’ gem to his chest. “I’ll talk to her. She needs help, and I can help her.” He looked up at Pearl, smiling at her reassuringly and wasn’t that a change? Pearl could recall with startling clarity all the times that she had been the one to reassure Steven, to put up a front of strength for him. “You take care of Jasper.”

“I will, Steven.” Pearl hesitated, wanting to say so much more, before she sighed. “Take Lion with you?”

“Of course.” Steven smiled. “I’ll be safe. I promise.”

* * *

It took five hours for Jasper to reform and by then Steven had come back, so Pearl had taken Jasper into her room in the temple, laying the other gem on her bed carefully. She couldn’t stop thinking of Lapis’ fury, her words, the pain in her eyes. 

When Jasper reformed she flinched, her hands coming up to protectively cover her face before she realized where she was, taking in the fountains and the familiar blankets and pillows and _Pearl_. Pearl peered at Jasper, reaching out hesitantly to touch the larger gem’s hand, pulling her hand down. 

“Did you bubble her?” Jasper asked, staring at Pearl. 

“No. Steven took her to the barn. He’s going to see about having her stay with Peridot.”

Jasper hesitated before she nodded, laying back on the bed, rubbing her face in exhaustion, attempting to stop her shakes. 

“She said you tortured her.” Jasper froze at those words and Pearl continued before she lost her nerve. “She said you were the one who trapped her in the mirror.”

“I didn’t… Personally do it. I found her gem on a battlefield and assumed she was a Crystal Gem.” Jasper confessed, uncovering her face, staring at the ceiling to avoid looking at Pearl. 

“That was needlessly cruel.” Pearl whispered. 

“Ha!” Jasper straightened, staring at Pearl, her eyes narrowed. Her stripes were different and Pearl couldn’t help but notice the slash over her stomach where Pearl had struck her before. Gem forms couldn’t be physically damaged permanently, but Jasper seemed to bear her scars in her stripes, a map of places that she had been damaged. She even had the marks on her body where Pearl had fought her all those millennia ago. “You’re one to talk about needlessly cruel.”

Pearl set her jaw, leaning closer. “That was a long time ago. Much longer than your recent mistreatment of Lapis.”

“These newer gems don’t know what torture _really_ is.” Jasper growled, standing. She tensed for a moment as her body gave a twinge, before she straightened, turning to face Pearl. “But you and I remember what real torture was.”

“I-” Pearl stuttered, glaring at Jasper. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“None of the others are here, Pearl, you don’t have to pretend like you don’t remember.”

Pearl standing delicately over Quartz soldiers, extracting information from them. Some of them gave up. Others she turned over to another soldier to dispose of them. Pearl breathed deeply, “This isn’t about me or my mistakes.”

“And yet I’m not entitled to my own mistakes? Before I knew the truth? Before I made the effort to change?” Jasper snarled. “I haven’t been doing this as long as you. This… Effort! This Crystal Gem thing! I followed orders, I got information, I made threats, I tortured people, and I was _good_ at it.” Jasper turned to face Pearl, baring her teeth. “And you knew that.”

“Lapis has a right to resent you.”

“If she’s going to try and destroy me every single time we interact then you might as well bubble her.” Jasper snapped, glaring down at Pearl. 

“I could bubble you both and save the trouble.” Pearl snapped right back, tilting her head and narrowing her eyes at the Quartz. 

“You would too.” Jasper growled, turning and walking towards the door to the temple. “Just as cold as before.”

“Oh, _cold_!” Pearl laughed, chasing after Jasper. “Cold?”

“Feeding me lies, never telling me the truth about Pink Diamond, Rose Quartz.” Jasper turned, looming over Pearl as the smaller gem pulled up short before she could ram into Jasper’s bulk. 

“I wasn’t the one who couldn’t _listen_ for five seconds for me to tell her the truth! That was the hot-headed, thick-skulled Quartz between the two of us!” Pearl gave Jasper a shove, knowing that her strength alone wouldn’t move the larger gem, but taking satisfaction from it anyway.

“You were the _enemy_! How was I supposed to know? Would you have hesitated in my position!”

“Yes!” Pearl snapped, panting as she stared up at Jasper. Jasper froze at that, shock written over her face. “Of course I would have hesitated! You were my friend! My comrade!” Her voice didn’t shake, even as her hands did. “The things I did I did for the Crystal Gems, for the Earth, but you don’t think I regretted it all? That I didn’t agonize over it? That I don’t see the faces of those I hurt for the greater good in my dreams?” Jasper worked her jaw, looking away from Pearl, towards the door to the temple. “Don’t you?”

“… No.” Jasper bit out. “I don’t lose sleep over the orders I followed. It’s why I’m a good soldier.”

Pearl trembled, staring at Jasper as the larger gem left, the door closing behind her, before Pearl let out a furious yell that sent the fountains in her room shattering to the ground, disappearing beneath the water, leaving only the shell of her bed standing, the blankets ruffled still from where Jasper had laid in it. Pearl moved towards the bed, but before she could try and destroy it the scent of Jasper’s hair caught her attention. 

Pearl hesitated, sighing before she sat down, curled up in the bed, furious and trembling and quietly hurting. 

“I should have… I should have known.” Pearl sighed to no one in particular, closing her eyes. “Oh, Rose… How can I expect her to change? She’s still living in your shadow.”


	11. Now I'm Sure That It's True

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Dude, what the hell happened up there?” Amethyst asked, Garnet looking at Pearl’s face silently. 
> 
> “She did what she had to do.” Pearl whispered, resting her hand on Jasper’s chest, feeling the slow rate of her heartbeat. “It doesn’t matter. She’s safe now.”

“Jasper!”

Jasper stared down at the pile of Rubies that were saluting her. Her uniform was back, the yellow diamond shape at the center of it larger than before, but overall the uniform was just as it had been when she had first arrived on Earth. It felt odd, now, to wear the jumpsuit, when she had grown used to her jeans and tank top and Earth underwear. She would have sneered at the very thought if she had been told that she would enjoy wearing human clothing. “We were told you had been held prisoner! The Peridot reported to Yellow Diamond that this planet had finally claimed you!”

Jasper adjusted her gaze, sneering down at the Rubies, praying quietly for them to not think to investigate the barn. “You think that this wretched, miserable dirt ball can get rid of me that easily?” She leaned in, grabbing the Ruby with her gem covering her eye, lifting her off her feet. “I was here millennia ago and if Rose Quartz herself couldn’t shatter me, what makes you think that any of the miserable dregs of the Crystal Gems could do it?”

“Sir!” The Ruby gave a salute and Jasper dropped her. “When I was given this mission to locate you and bring you back, I nearly dissipated my form.” Her admiring gaze stared up at Jasper, and the others rolled their eyes. “It is an _honor_ to finally meet the Facet 9 Kindergarten Quartz That Could. Yellow Diamond is awaiting your return.”

Jasper sneered, her heart pounding as she stepped forward, trying to scramble for a lie, a reason to remain.. “I won’t go back to Homeworld, not while the Crystal Gems still exist here or anywhere in this solar system.”

“They’re still here?” Another Ruby squealed. 

“Peridot, the traitor I was sent here with, and Lapis, the informant, have escaped my grasp.” Jasper clenched her fist, glaring down at the Rubies. “I will shatter them with my own hand before I return to Homeworld.”

“Then we will remain here with you!”

“No.” Jasper growled, straightening. “You are nothing but a distraction to my mission and I don’t have time to acclimate you to this planet and it’s fauna.”

“Well… Then we’ll have to file a report at the nearest Diamond base.” The Ruby with the gem at her leg frowned. 

“Fine, to the moon, then.”

“Jasper!” Pearl’s voice whispered from the barn, but Jasper ignored her, walking towards the roving eye. 

“Jasper, let me adjust the settings for you, it is calibrated for Rubies!” Jasper looked over her shoulder as the Rubies piled into the roving eye, seeing the other Gems peering out of the barn. She shook her head imperceptibly before she climbed into the ship, letting the door close behind her. 

The settings changed, the feeling of pressure surrounding her form lessening as she took a deep breath and her form stabilized, looking at the Rubies. “Take us to the moon.” She ordered, glaring down at the Rubies. “Don’t waste my time.”

The trip to the moon was much easier on the roving eye and Jasper only felt slightly queasy when they pulled to a sudden stop in the base, Jasper stepped out, leading the fawning, gasping Rubies through the entry and towards the staircase leading to the control panel, wondering if she would even have a plan by the time she arrived. 

“Jasper,” The Ruby with the eye whispered. “It would be an honor if you let me stay behind to assist you in your duty, getting rid of the Crystal Gems on Earth.”

“No.” Jasper growled. “I don’t need your help. I don’t need anyone.” She made her way up towards the control room, stepping aside to let the Rubies inside. 

“The control panel!” One of them squealed, staring at the wreckage from the previous time the Crystal Gems had been at the base. 

“What happened to it?!”

“Crystal Gems! Now we can’t file the report with Yellow Diamond!”

“What? What can we do?” The Ruby with her gem at her eye asked, staring at Jasper.

“We go back to the ship.” Jasper said simply, a plan forming in her mind as she looked at the Rubies. “We go back to Earth, and then you go to Homeworld and explain things to the Diamonds, personally.”

The Ruby with her gem in her eye gasped, staring up at Jasper with her remaining eye wide. “I won’t let you down, Jasper.”

“I know you won’t, I don’t expect much of you.”

They made their way back to the ship and Jasper took a deep breath as she moved to sit at the pilot’s chair, looking over her shoulder at the Rubies as they piled in. 

Once the last of them were inside she closed the hatch and locked it, waiting until the ship had taken off before she set a cruising course around Mars.

“Jasper?” Jasper set the autopilot, locking the system with her access code, before she stood, turning to the Rubies. “What are you doing?”

“What has to be done.”

Her hand shot out before the Ruby before her could react, grabbing at the gem embedded in her stomach and ripping it out, clenching her fingers tightly as the others panicked and drew their weapons. 

Jasper’s helmet formed and she turned to the group.

She had to do this. To save her Diamond. She wouldn’t fail again.

The Rubies attacked and while they had numbers in their favor, Jasper had sheer strength, her entire body built to withstand the most brutal of battles. The Rubies clambered over her body, drawing their weapons. A sharp blade, a pair of knuckle busters, and a short sword were drawn and Jasper grunted in pain as they attacked her, trying to find a weak spot in Jasper’s bulk. 

One by one Jasper grabbed and snatched out gems, the Rubies screaming and howling in pain before they vanished. Jasper panted as she turned to the final Ruby, the one with the single eye, glaring at her, snarling and baring her teeth. 

“Traitor!” The Ruby lunged forward, her blade slashing at Jasper’s face, glinting off her visor as Jasper stepped back, avoiding the blade catching on her torso. 

“You don’t understand!” Jasper snarled, grabbing at the Ruby’s wrist, only for the small gem to sink her teeth into Jasper’s arm, making the larger gem roar in pain at the broken skin. 

“I’ll take you back to Homeworld! I’ll tell Yellow Diamond what sort of disgrace you are!”

Jasper roared in the Ruby’s face, slamming her over and over into the wall. The Ruby’s short blade sunk into Jasper’s collarbone and Jasper choked, a wheeze of pain escaping her as the Ruby used the blade to keep herself close to Jasper, kicking and punching as hard as she could. 

Rubies, while small, were strong, strong enough to even make Jasper flinch with the power of their blows, and this one was no different. Jasper watched her visor crack as she stared at the Ruby, baring her teeth in a snarl as the Ruby screamed in her face right back.

Jasper grappled for the manual access panel for the hatch, pounding her fist on the access panel until she felt the click of the locks behind her back. She grabbed the edge of the hatch, bending the metal as Ruby yelped at the sudden vacuum of space, sending her body hurtling into space, the other Rubies skittering across the floor before they too were sent into the darkness of space. 

Jasper panted, hauling herself back into the ship and closing the hatch, collapsing upon the floor of the roving eye. The Ruby’s blade was still embedded in her collarbone and Jasper grunted as she reached up to grasp the handle with her other arm, closing her eyes and letting out a low breath before she ripped the blade free. 

Something glinted on the floor and Jasper frowned, crawling across the floor of the roving eye, feeling weaker than she had in a long time as she grasped one of the gems that she thought had been blown into space. 

Clutching the gem in her hand, Jasper sighed, her fingers tightening around the faceted gem, contemplating what she would do with the gem.

* * *

The roving eye landed on the ground outside the barn and Pearl jumped, racing to the door to the barn, peering at the ship as it remained stationary before the hatch hissed open after a few moments.

“Jasper!” She called out, racing from the barn with the others. “Where are the Rubies?”

“They won’t be causing trouble.” Jasper said simply, looking at the group, her hands hanging limply at her sides. “I blew them out the air lock.”

“Oh, thank the stars.” Pearl whispered.

“Big Sis?” Amethyst asked, looking up at Jasper. “You don’t look so hot.”

“I’m fine.” Jasper said, staring at the group. “Watch.” She took a few steps towards the barn, only for her legs to give out and her body to collapse on the dirt ground.

“Jasper!” Pearl hated the fear that lanced through her body, the concern for Jasper’s wellbeing as she moved to check the other gem over. “Oh, no, Steven!” She called to the boy, who immediately was at her side. “We need you to heal her.” She pointed to the wound in Jasper’s collarbone, her hands moving over Jasper’s body, checking at her stomach, her legs, then her arms. Steven started to heal what he could find, but Pearl froze at the sight of very familiar, distinct cuts in Jasper’s palm. There were no shards there, but the cuts in her palm were too random to be from a weapon. She stared down at Jasper’s unconscious face, her heart pounding before she closed her eyes and breathed deeply.

“Dude, what the hell happened up there?” Amethyst asked, Garnet looking at Pearl’s face silently. 

“She did what she had to do.” Pearl whispered, resting her hand on Jasper’s chest, feeling the slow rate of her heartbeat. “It doesn’t matter. She’s safe now.”

She tried to believe her own words.


	12. 'Cause I Think You're So Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Where’s Garnet?” 
> 
> “On a mission.” 
> 
> “Amethyst?” 
> 
> “At the barn with Peridot and Lapis.” 
> 
> “So… We’re alone for the night?” 
> 
> Pearl felt her heart leap into her throat. “We are.”

Pearl watched Jasper’s shoulders heave as she gently placed several bags of groceries down on the kitchen counter, Steven chattering and running around the house.

“I’m going to sleep over at Connie’s tonight! Her mom and dad invited me over while we were at the store!”

“Did they really invite you over?” Pearl asked with a smile. “Or did you and Connie bully them into it?”

“They really did, Pearl,” Jasper murmured, turning to put canned goods away in the top shelves, perishables in the fridge, her back to Pearl as Pearl kept her own back to Jasper, glancing over her shoulder briefly at the other gem.

It had been a month since Pearl and Jasper had spoken. Truly spoken beyond just polite coordination on missions and household chores. Jasper had gone out, had taken to walking on the beach, or going to Greg’s van and listening to his extensive collection of rock music, or even going with Steven to the different shops along the boardwalk. Pearl herself had avoided being alone with Jasper in nearly any capacity, just to avoid the awkward silence as both of them tried to find some way to break it. 

“Well, then I suppose it couldn’t hurt to let you spend the night with the Maheswarans.”

“Yay!” Steven shouted, thundering up the stairs to his room and rummaging around. “Mr. Maheswaran is waiting outside for me, so I’ll be just a minute!”

“Oh really? A private security escort?” Pearl smiled as she shook her head, looking through some of the groceries that had been picked up. Steven wasn’t the best about getting healthy food, but Jasper seemed to have reigned him in. Even though Pearl could see a few things that Steven most likely snuck under Jasper’s watchful eye. Or at least thought he had managed to sneak in.

Steven chattered on about what they would be doing at the sleepover, rummaging through his room, then racing down the stairs to the bathroom to get his toothbrush and other hygiene tools. 

“Use the tooth brush cap! I bought it for a reason!” Pearl called, and Steven shouted an affirmation before he raced out, snatching MC Bear Bear from the couch as he went. “Goodnight, Steven, call the house phone if you need anything!”

“Goodnight, Pearl, I love you, goodnight, Jasper, love you too! Bye!” The door slammed shut and Steven walked down, the sound of Doug’s enthusiastic voice making Pearl smile as the man walked Steven back to the car, their voices fading as they got further from the house.

The awkward silence that followed loomed like a physical presence between Pearl and Jasper. 

“Where’s Garnet?” Jasper asked as she closed a cabinet, folding up the tote bags she and Steven had used to carry the groceries, placing them neatly away in a drawer by the sink.

“On a mission.” Pearl wiped down the countertop with a damp cloth, refusing to look at Jasper, even though she could physically feel Jasper’s eyes on her.

“Amethyst?” Jasper moved around the counter, away from the kitchen, and Pearl released the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding.

“At the barn with Peridot and Lapis.” Blue eyes followed Jasper’s movements, tracking her across the room as Jasper looked around, folding a stray blanket here, tossing Steven’s flip abandoned rain boots over to their spot by the door.

“So… We’re alone for the night?” 

Pearl felt her heart leap into her throat. “We are.”

Jasper flicked through her crate of records, some of them given to her by Greg, some of them dug up from Amethyst’s room, some of them bought for her by Steven as the boy went about his day. She paused as she fingered the edge of one sleeve, turning it over to read the back before she stood and moved to her record player. It was still the small, beaten up old player that Greg had given her, even though Greg had suggested if she liked the records so much they could go get her a better player. She had refused for weeks at this point and Pearl had to wonder if she would ever change her mind about it, if somehow the player had sentimental value tied to Greg, to Steven, or to the planet in general.

Jasper placed the record delicately on the player, adjusting the needle and letting the song play. She turned to Pearl quietly, holding out her hand hesitantly. “Fuse with me?” 

Pearl froze, the music playing a strangely gentle tune, the forlorn tone of the singer drowned out by the rushing in Pearl’s ears at the very suggestion. “That’s a bad idea. You know it is.”

“I know.” Jasper whispered softly.

“We really shouldn’t.” Pearl didn’t move, her fingers still clutching the cloth she had been using to wipe down the counters. 

“I know.” Jasper’s hand remained outstretched, her sharp nails catching the light from the overhead in a way that drew Pearl’s eyes down to them. “I want to anyway.”

Pearl stepped around the edge of the counter, letting her hand rest in the Quartz’s enormous palm, staring up at her quietly. A look of concentration came over Jasper’s face as she adjusted their bodies, keeping a small distance between them, letting Pearl’s arm rest atop her own, a delicate hand on her shoulder as Jasper’s palm pressed to Pearl’s shoulderblades.

One. Two. Three. Four. Turn. One. Two. Three. Four. Turn.

Pearl watched Jasper mouthe the steps, slowly going through the steps of the waltz. Pearl followed easily, watching Jasper’s face as the Quartz stumbled slightly. She wasn’t nearly as graceful like this. Not like the warm, formless press of their bodies when they had danced together before. Then it had been instinct, it had been a nearly breathless, suffocating need to be _closer_. To merge as if they might never escape the embrace again.

This was controlled in a way Pearl had known, quietly, in the back of her mind, that Jasper was capable of. This was strength, power, and passion, burning and bright, tempered with the cool, careful judgment of form, of the rules of the dance.

When Jasper dipped Pearl, careful and slow, Pearl stared up at her, not even realizing until that moment that their gems had been glowing, their forms mingling and threatening to merge.

“Jasper, wait!” 

Their bodies snapped apart, the whiplash of it enough to make their vision blur, the two of them groaning and wheezing as they righted themselves. Pearl clutched at her chest, feeling a burning, aching pain, only to realize that Jasper was mirroring her position, the Quartz leaning against the wall for support, her eyes squeezed closed. A few tears leaked free from Jasper’s eyes and Pearl stared at the broad hand wiping them away.

“I understand. I’m sorry.”

Jasper turned, stumbling slightly as she went into the bathroom, likely to compose herself. 

Pearl froze only for a moment before she bolted out of the kitchen, through the front door, down the steps to the beach. 

She didn’t know how long she ran, just that her legs burning was better than the horrible, gnawing emptiness in her chest, the sudden absence of someone that she had wanted to share a closeness with. Tears running down her face Pearl thought of Jasper, of her face, of millennia ago when she had been a stoic pillar of strength, of loyalty. She thought of stabbing Jasper over and over, of trying to get her to release her, of Jasper’s roaring face inches form hers. She thought of Rose Quartz always facing Jasper on the battle field because Pearl knew she’d never be able to do what she should have, she would never be able to shatter Jasper, she wouldn’t even have the heart to destroy her physical form over and over.

She thought of Jasper on the green ship when she had first arrived, she thought of how those yellow eyes had stared down at her, hungry and demanding, how she had threatened to take her to the Reef. She thought of fusing for the first time, she thought of pain and darkness. She thought of Jasper’s hurt, her anger, her betrayal.

She thought of Tiger’s Eye. She thought of confidence and power, she thought of how _strong_ she had felt. She had all the answers. She had power beyond the measure of her comrades and enemies. She could do anything.

Pearl knelt beside the water, screaming into the air, howling out in pain, in a loss she couldn’t name. Her hands were resting on the sand and she watched the waves rolling over her palms, burying them deeper and deeper in the sand with each wave. She could make out her reflection in the rippling water, distorted and warped but still there. Still her.

* * *

Jasper shook as she leaned against the sink, panting and squeezing her eyes shut, containing her scream of frustration, of pain, of loss. She wanted to howl at the moon like some wild Earth beast. She could faintly hear the music from the living room, still playing through the record without stop. 

She needed to stop this. She was stronger than this. Pearl had made it abundantly clear that this was not healthy, that the best option for them was to pull back, to have the self control to not continue this. She didn’t need this. She didn’t need Pearl. She was strong on her own, she didn’t need Pearl.

She didn’t need her. But that didn’t stop the wanting.

Jasper rubbed her hands over her eyes, straightening and freezing when she stared in the mirror.

Paler orange skin, her stripes were now dark, her hair was shorter, the platinum colour of it tinged with pink. Her eyes framed another set of blue, wide eyes, Pearl’s eyes, resting above that paler gaze where her brows used to be. Her hands hovered by her face as she stared. One set of hands facing inwards, another set of hands facing outwards from her wrists. 

Tiger’s Eye stared back at her as Jasper panted and stared, her hands reaching up to grab her hair. “No.” She growled, covering her face. “It’s not real! I don’t need you!” She stared at the mirror, at the sight of Tiger’s Eye snarling back at her. “Leave me alone!” She roared. “I don’t need you!” Her fist smashed into the mirror.

She froze at the sight of the shattered visage. Tiger’s Eye was gone. It was just Jasper. 

Alone.


	13. And I'm Nothing Like You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Wow…” Bismuth breathed deeply, staring out into space as she sat beside Pearl on the railing. “By the Star, things have changed…” She sighed, looking over at Pearl. “Everyone’s gone.” She glanced up at the house. “This is… This is everything that’s left.”
> 
> “It is.” Pearl whispered, her fingers resting on Bismuth’s, tracing over her knuckles, staring at the smooth grey skin. “It’s… it’s a lot to take in.”
> 
> “So… Those Homeworld gems…”
> 
> “Jasper, Peridot, and Lapis.” Pearl sighed, smiling fondly as she thought of them. “Peridot and Lapis and I don’t get on very well.” She looked down at their joined fingers. “I think that… Peridot still sees me as a servant. And Lapis…” Pearl sighed. “Lapis doesn’t like anyone.”
> 
> Bismuth nodded silently, seeming to wait for something before she gave Pearl’s hand a squeeze. “And Jasper?”
> 
> “What about Jasper?”
> 
> Pearl froze, her fingers spasming quietly in Bismuth’s hand. “What about her?”

“There’s a gem inside of Lion’s mane!” Steven shouted, and Pearl froze, staring at him, quickly climbing down the stairs from his loft. 

“A gem? What does she look like?”

“Uuuh, hang on a sec.” Steven stuck his head inside the mane, Pearl wringing her fingers as Garnet and Amethyst came down to stand with her. “She’s big, and has rainbow hair and tattoos!”

“Rainbow hair…” Garnet frowned.

“What does her gem look like?” Pearl asked, her fingers clutched tightly together. 

“Uhh… It’s an innie?” Steven asked, shrugging slightly.

“Steven,” Garnet stiffened. “Bring her out.”

“Okay!”

It was a tense few moments before Steven hauled the larger gem out. Pearl frozen in place as she stared at what must have been a ghost… But wasn’t. She was real. She was there.

“Oh, Bismuth!” Pearl squealed, racing over to the gem, jumping into her arms delightedly.

“Whoa there! The Pearl _I_ know never jumps into my arms! Did someone lose a Pearl? Who do you belong to?” She grinned slyly, jostling Pearl slightly in her arms.

“ _Nobody_!” Pearl laughed, her arms slung around Bismuth’s neck as she hugged her old friend tightly.

“Alright, alright,” Garnet laughed, grinning at the two gems. “Settle down.”

“Oh, you’re one to talk, oh, oh, no, pardon me, _two_ to talk.” Bismuth laughed as Garnet punched her in the shoulder, gauntlet and all.

Pearl giggled and laughed, kicking her feet as she hugged Bismuth tightly, clinging to someone familiar, a sense of someone she had long accepted she had lost, but she hadn’t. Not really. She was _here_. Warm and breathing and alive and _here_.

The front door opened and a heavy footstep sounded before Bismuth froze, her eyes wide as she stared at the newcomer. Pearl turned, smiling brightly at the sight of Jasper, only for the expression to freeze then fall as Bismuth transformed her hand into a hammer and charged. 

“You!”

Jasper stiffened, her helmet forming about her head before she crossed her arms in front of her face, blocking Bismuth’s blow as she practically knocked the Quartz out of the house, through the front door and the wooden railing onto the beach.

“Homeworld Soldier, back to pick a fight with the Crystal Gems, huh!?” Bismuth leapt after Jasper, who snarled from where she stood on the sand, tensing and prepared for a fight. 

“Bismuth, wait!” Pearl shouted, following Bismuth down to the beach.

“She found our base, Pearl! Can’t have her going back to Homeworld, telling the Diamonds where we are!”

Pearl grabbed at Bismuth’s arm, but Bismuth was still moving, her free hand turning into a blade as Jasper charged her. The enormous Quartz slammed her helmet into Bismuth’s head, but the other gem held firm.

“Jasper, stop it!” Pearl shouted. “Garnet, get down here!”

Jasper and Bismuth were locked together, growling and snarling like a pair of wild animals and Pearl let out a strangled shout before she drew her spear and smashed the shaft of it over the sides of their faces, startling the two gems into breaking away from one another.

“Bismuth, she’s on our side now!” Pearl shouted. “Jasper, this is an old friend! Bismuth!”

The two stared at her, standing several feet apart before they glared at one another, like petulant children that had been caught squabbling. 

“She hit me first.” Jasper growled before dissolving her helmet, dusting off her clothes. 

Bismuth looked over Jasper’s attire, raising a brow before she laughed. “Should have known from the getup that you weren’t a Homeworld stooge anymore!”

“ _I’m_ the stooge!?” Jasper snapped, bristling angrily, only for Pearl to glare at her, causing Jasper to huff. “Whatever. Where did they dig _you_ up? I thought the only gems left here were corrupted?”

Bismuth’s expression fell and Jasper froze, staring at the other gem. 

“She was in Lion’s mane!” Steven shouted as he came stumbling down the steps, grabbing hold of Jasper’s legs and staring up at Bismuth worriedly. Pearl froze at that sight, wondering what it was about Bismuth that had concerned him about Bismuth’s appearance, enough that he was practically hiding behind Jasper’s leg. “Who is she?”

Jasper braced herself, ready to continue a fight as Steven looked from Pearl and Garnet to Bismuth. Pearl smiled reassuringly at Steven, wrapping her arm around Bismuth’s own bicep. “She’s an old friend! She fought with us during the war,” She frowned slightly, looking up at Bismuth. “Rose always said she lost track of you at the battle of the Ziggurat?”

Bismuth’s expression fell for a moment before she stiffened. “Wait… Where _is_ Rose? I need… I need to talk to her.”

“Umm…” Steven peered out from around Jasper’s leg and Jasper reached down, her hand protectively held in front of the boy as he stepped forward and lifted his shirt. “I… I’m her son. She turned into me, I have her gem… The rest is my dad.” Steven gave a wan smile, trying to bring some levity, but Pearl could see he was still nervous about Bismuth. 

“Wow…” Bismuth knelt, peering down at Steven, Jasper stepping forward so that she couldn’t get too close. “Rose really is something else.” Pearl opened her mouth, watching Jasper bristle, before Bismuth laughed and stood. “I mean she _really is_ something else!” She gave Jasper’s shoulder a light punch. “I mean look at this. Working with Homeworld gems.” She gestured to the house. “Building our bases out of wood now? God, where is everybody else, I gotta know who voted all these crazy decisions!”

Jasper shrugged Bismuth off her arm, lifting Steven onto her shoulder protectively as the boy grabbed at her long hair. “You’re all that’s left.” She grunted.

“Wh-what Jasper means, Bismuth…” Pearl took Bismuth’s arm, looking up at her before glancing down. “Everyone else… They got corrupted. We were waiting to find you too.”

“Corrupted?” Bismuth frowned. “What do you mean, corrupted?”

* * *

“Wow…” Bismuth breathed deeply, staring out into space as she sat beside Pearl on the railing. “By the Star, things have changed…” She sighed, looking over at Pearl. “Everyone’s gone.” She glanced up at the house. “This is… This is everything that’s left.”

“It is.” Pearl whispered, her fingers resting on Bismuth’s, tracing over her knuckles, staring at the smooth grey skin. “It’s… it’s a lot to take in.”

“So… Those Homeworld gems…”

“Jasper, Peridot, and Lapis.” Pearl sighed, smiling fondly as she thought of them. “Peridot and Lapis and I don’t get on very well.” She looked down at their joined fingers. “I think that… Peridot still sees me as a servant. And Lapis…” Pearl sighed. “Lapis doesn’t like anyone.”

Bismuth nodded silently, seeming to wait for something before she gave Pearl’s hand a squeeze. “And Jasper?”

“What about Jasper?”

Pearl froze, her fingers spasming quietly in Bismuth’s hand. “What about her?”

“I know you really well, Pearl, you’re gonna have to do a better job than that when you lie to me.”

Pearl looked down, her fingers gripping Bismuth’s. “It’s not good. For either of us.” She sighed. “But Tiger’s Eye is… God, she’s addictive. When we fuse it’s like I can do anything, I can _conquer_ anything.” Pearl sighed. “It was… God, Bismuth, it was like Ammolite but better.”

Pearl froze, realizing she had just said the exact wrong thing when Bismuth looked at her sharply, her eyes boring into Pearl, who flinched away from the hard gaze. She felt her heart pounding as Bismuth stared at her before she let out a forced laugh. “Well… Always knew you had a type. And Jasper sure is a tall cut of gem, even by my standards.” Her voice had lost some of the ease that she had before and Pearl looked down, slipping her hand from Bismuth’s. “So… What are you going to do? About Jasper?”

“Steven’s very fond of her, and she’s very protective of him.”

“Why?” Bismuth asked with a frown. “She had wanted Rose Quartz dead for so long, and she never had any love for humans.”

“I…” Pearl sighed. “When we fused, I showed her some things. And she… She was angry, but she saw my side of things.”

Bismuth stared at Pearl, quietly taking her in and Pearl shivered, about to speak up, to change the subject, when Bismuth stood, gently pulling Pearl to her feet, pulling her close. “Show me. Let’s fuse, let’s make Ammolite.”

“Bismuth, things have changed.” Pearl pulled back slowly, placing some space between their bodies. “And I don’t want to burden you.” 

“But you can burden Jasper?” Bismuth asked, frowning as she kept her hand on the small of Pearl’s back. “Come on, Pearl, I’ve been gone a few thousand years… I wanna see something familiar.”

Pearl looked up at Bismuth, before she smiled, letting Bismuth pull her into a dance, turning and twisting together with a strange… Dichotomy between them. It had been so long since she had fused with Bismuth, but there was a familiarity between them. A lover that she hadn’t felt for so long, she had become unfamiliar. She had to relearn dancing with Bismuth, it was a struggling stumble for her to meet Bismuth’s movements. 

When they finally found an ease, Pearl relaxed, letting her eyes close, moving to a silent tune that only they could feel between one another. She turned easily, gasping as she was pulled close, her back to her partner’s chest, feeling broad palms slide over her stomach, over her thighs, before giving her another twirl and dipping her deeply. Her heart pounded as she gasped and let out a small laugh of delight, her long fingers reaching up eagerly.

She expected long, unruly waves, but when she came across the thick, rainbow locks, she froze, her eyes snapping open. Her gem was glowing, illuminating Bismuth’s face, Bismuth’s gem glowing, her eyes lidded as she pressed her forehead to Pearl’s cheek and jaw. 

“Stop!” She jerked back, panting and shaking as Bismuth released her as if she had been burned, Pearl pulling back and stepping away, covering her mouth. “I-I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Bismuth, I just…” Pearl took a deep breath before she covered her face and shivered. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s okay, Pearl, it’s okay.” Bismuth shuddered, breathing deeply before she gave a forced smile. “I get it. It’s… It’s been a long time.” Bismuth let out a breath and rubbed Pearl’s arm gently. “Hey, dollface, it’s okay.” Her voice was soft and reassuring, but Pearl still couldn’t help the gnawing guilt, causing tears to well up in Pearl’s eyes, spilling over her cheeks.

“I don’t know what is wrong with me.” She sobbed, rubbing at her eyes and feeling her shoulders shake. “I don’t know why I… I’m so sorry, Bismuth.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Bismuth pulled Pearl close, lifting her so that Pearl could wrap her legs around her waist, clinging to her shoulders tightly. “It’s fine, Pearl, it’s all good.”

Pearl sniffled, her eyes squeezed shut, willing her tears to stop, even as more spilled over her cheeks. She opened her eyes, breathing deeply.

Jasper was standing right on the other side of the door, looking out on the patio where Pearl and Bismuth were standing, embracing. Jasper’s eyes looked uncertain and she hesitated before pulling her hand away from the door knob, turning away and climbing up the stairs, likely to sit and watch TV with Steven. Pearl would normally feel relieved by that small mercy, by Jasper not acknowledging her tears.

* * *

Pearl covered her face, sitting in the basement of the temple, staring at Bismuth’s bubbled gem. It ached to know the truth, to hear what Steven had told her about Bismuth. She couldn’t help but feel as if she had never known Bismuth the way she thought she had. She hadn’t known her plans for new weapons. She hadn’t known about the breaking point. She hadn’t known about her confrontation with Rose. She hadn’t known any of it.

“Pearl?” Jasper’s rough voice called, and she stepped inside, closing the door behind her quietly. “Are you okay?” She asked softly, walking over to where Pearl was sitting, staring up at the bubble. She crouched and Pearl turned her head slightly, listening to the creak of Jasper’s jeans as the large Quartz waited for a response, silent and patient.

“I… I knew everything about Rose.” Pearl choked out, before she could stop herself, the flood of emotion spilling out of her. “I knew everything about Rose, all of her secrets, her most important secrets she confided in me. But I never knew about Lion, I never knew that Bismuth had been bubbled. One of my… My best friends.”

Jasper quietly watched Pearl, and Pearl couldn’t help but feel like she had been placed under a microscope, the larger gem staring at her, observing every movement of her body, her face. She felt pathetic, pitied, like some small, fragile toy made for opening doors and looking pretty, for the first time in millennia. When Jasper reached out, gentle and soft, carefully controlled as she stroked her fingers over Pearl’s cheek, silent for a few moments before she whispered. 

“If… If it would make you happy…” She stood, her fingers trailing away from Pearl’s face, reaching out her hand, just barely in front of Bismuth’s bubble. “I’ll release her.” She whispered, and something pained crossed her face that Pearl could feel echoed deep in her own soul. Longing, for something she couldn’t have. “You wouldn’t be the one to do it. The blame would fall on me.” Her fingers inched forward towards the bubble. “You were so happy when you saw her. I just want you to be happy.”

“Jasper, no,” Pearl whispered, staring up at the larger gem’s hand. “Steven wouldn’t want us to release Bismuth.”

“But you want her back,” Jasper looked down at Pearl, her yellow eyes glimmering with something soft and vulnerable that Pearl had never seen before. “I’ve… I’ve never wanted what was best for someone else before. Not if it didn’t benefit me.” She set her jaw, reaching up, so close to closing the distance. “I’ll do this for you.”

“Jasper!” Pearl stood, grabbing Jasper’s hand, pulling it down, away from the bubble, trembling and quiet as she stared at the larger gem. “Jasper, don’t.” She sobbed softly. “Please. I can’t… I can’t face her right now. Knowing what Rose did. What Bismuth did, was going to do to Steven.”

Jasper froze, quietly staring at Pearl before she wrapped her arms around the smaller gem, drawing her close. “Okay. Okay, if that’s what you want.”

Pearl closed her eyes, clinging to Jasper tightly. “I don’t know what I want anymore.”


	14. Look At You Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do they even _know_ what they want to do?” Pearl laughed, smiling at Jasper as she stood, holding out the crown of roses. 
> 
> Jasper frowned down at her, not moving as she continued to watch Pearl quietly. “They know enough to know that you are beautiful.” She murmured. “And desirable.”
> 
> Pearl smiled, standing on her tip toes and placing her hand on Jasper’s arm, the larger Quartz sighing and following Pearl’s pull, leaning in to let Pearl rest the crown of roses on her wild mess of hair. “Well, Jasper, I happen to belong to Pink Diamond. I doubt that even any of your comrades are foolish enough to upset Pink Diamond.”

“Pearl,” Pearl glanced up from where she had been weaving roses together into a crown, quietly, absent-mindedly, blinking at the sight of Jasper leaning against the tree Pearl had perched herself under. She glanced over towards the twin Palanquins where she could still see the silhouette of the two Diamonds within, frowning worriedly. This meeting was taking much longer than normal. Pink Diamond was always more stressed and upset after her meetings with the other Diamonds, as few and far between as they were, and during these meetings Pearl was never allowed to attend. The other Pearls would wait outside the Palanquins during the meeting, but Pearl had quietly started to wander off, returning periodically to check on her Diamond.

“Hello, Jasper.” She murmured, smiling demurely up at Jasper, who watched her with sharp eyes.

“You shouldn’t be out here,” Jasper growled, her arms crossing over her chest as she glanced over her shoulder at several other Quartzes who were working tirelessly. Pearl could feel their eyes on her, greedy and hungry for something that they didn’t even know they could want. Diamonds knew, Agates knew, even Zircons knew what they could want from a Pearl, the greatest secret of the Gem elite. But a Quartz? They couldn’t know what they could want from a Pearl, perhaps other than the status of _having_ a Pearl. “The other Quartzes talk, and they want to… Do some things with you.”

“Do they even _know_ what they want to do?” Pearl laughed, smiling at Jasper as she stood, holding out the crown of roses. 

Jasper frowned down at her, not moving as she continued to watch Pearl quietly. “They know enough to know that you are beautiful.” She murmured. “And desirable.”

Pearl smiled, standing on her tip toes and placing her hand on Jasper’s arm, the larger Quartz sighing and following Pearl’s pull, leaning in to let Pearl rest the crown of roses on her wild mess of hair. “Well, Jasper, I happen to belong to Pink Diamond. I doubt that even any of your comrades are foolish enough to upset Pink Diamond.”

“They might,” Jasper said quickly, staring at Pearl. “Some of them might try something. Others talk about how they want to perform a great deed in battle, to win a victory singlehandedly, and that they would ask for you as a reward.”

“Would you?” Pearl asked with a coy laugh, looking up at Jasper. 

“In an instant.” Jasper whispered, staring down at her and Pearl froze, staring right back, taking in that intense stare, the way Jasper spoke with such a fervent conviction. “I would do anything to have you. And you should believe that the others would do the same.”

Pearl flushed, staring at Jasper. “Oh, they’d do that for any Pearl.” She tried to laugh it off, but Jasper was so… _difficult_ to ignore. Her presence was overwhelming, imposing, suffocating, like the heavy clouds before a thunder storm. 

“Not me,” Jasper whispered, staring at Pearl. “Only you. I’d do it for you.” Jasper leaned closer, her yellow eyes boring into Pearl’s own blue. “So, who do you belong to now?”

And suddenly they weren’t outside the palanquins, they were on the beach, Jasper resting her elbows on her knees, looking over at Pearl with a curious expression. 

“What?” Pearl asked, incredulous as she glared at Jasper. 

“Well, you can’t belong to the perma-fusion-”

“Garnet. Her name is Garnet.”

“You can’t belong to her. She’s not supposed to exist.” Jasper watched Pearl’s face, just as intense as so long ago, all those years where Jasper had sworn her loyalty and protection to Pink Diamond, and by that extension to Pearl. She had never knelt before Pearl, it had always been before Pink Diamond, but her eyes would always glance aside, just for a split second, would skate over to Pearl, resting upon her as she swore she would defeat the Crystal Gems, she would keep Pink Diamond, and Pearl, safe.

“I don’t belong to anyone.”

“You can’t belong to the Amethyst-”

“She’s _just_ Amethyst here, there’s no others here.”

“You can’t belong to her, she’s a runt.” Jasper continued. “So you have to belong to Pink Diamond still, even in her new form.”

“His name is Steven, and he’s not Pink Diamond. Not like you and I remember.” Pearl frowned at Jasper. “You have to work on that.”

Jasper sighed, leaning back on her elbows in the sand, letting the waves of the ocean lap at her feet as she looked up at the ceiling. Pearl stared at her, at the moonlight casting her sharp, bold colors into a softer tone, her hair turned to starlight around her face. “So that’s it. Still devoted to her.”

“ _No_ , I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.” Jasper looked over at her. “Hopelessly devoted.”

“I am not! It’s just… It was Rose’s final wish that I help care for her son.”

“Prove it. Prove you’re not just living in her shadow, controlled by the spirit of someone who is, for all intents and purposes, dead.”

“You’re no better!” Pearl snapped, feeling something protective and angry rise in her chest, something furious that she was sure she hadn’t felt at the time. Was this how Jasper felt? Was this what she was like all the time? Burning with a seething, animal fury? 

“I still believe that when the boy is gone, that Pink Diamond will return.” Jasper scoffed, laying down entirely. “But you’ve accepted that she’s gone, that she’ll never come back.”

Pearl stared at Jasper, her mouth gaping, blinking and shaking for a few long moments before she set her jaw, scowling. “Prove it?”

“Yes, prove it.” Jasper goaded, grinning like she had won the argument. 

“I’ll prove it,” Pearl scrambled over to straddle Jasper’s waist, her hands reaching out as she leaned forward, staring at that smug grin that didn’t move. Pearl grabbed Jasper’s hair, drew her close and -

They were inside the temple, in the basement, Jasper holding Bismuth’s bubble in her large palms. 

“Jasper, wait!” Pearl felt herself running across an endless distance, across fields and fields of roses. 

“I’d do anything for you to be happy, Pearl.” She whispered, her eyes fixed on Pearl’s own gaze. Her feet were sinking through the ground, the thorns of the roses cutting at her legs between each petal soft kiss of the flowers themselves, death by a thousand cuts. She was sinking lower, they were up to her thighs now, up to her waist, she was falling, she was sinking she was drowning and Jasper’s hands popped the bubble. An explosion of pink diamond shards rained down and Pearl clawed at the thorny stems, screaming, crying out for Rose, for Bismuth, for Jasper, for anyone.

“Pearl!”

Pearl was crashing down, falling, falling, the wind roaring past her ears.

“Pearl, wake up!”

Pearl jerked upright, panting and gasping, staring off into space, only to realize that she was in her room, in her seashell bed, tangled among a sea of blankets and pillows. Jasper was leaning over her, her hands resting on Pearl’s shoulders, holding her gently, carefully.

“You were screaming.” Jasper murmured. “You were going to wake the entire temple.”

Pearl stared at Jasper, trembling and choking on sobs before she closed her eyes, covering her face with a shaking hand as she laid back on the bed. “Thank you.” She managed, not looking at Jasper. 

“Okay,” Jasper stood, and the bedding shifted with the loss of her weight. “I’ll leave you to rest.”

She was almost out the door, Pearl peering out between her fingers at her. When Jasper’s fingers reached for the door to open it Pearl heard herself calling out for her. “Jasper, wait-” Jasper froze, turning to look at Pearl silently. “Can you… Please…” Jasper didn’t move and Pearl opened her mouth, words lodged in her throat, strangling her, choking her. 

“Okay.” Jasper moved away from the door, walking through the water to go sit on the edge of Pearl’s bed, stroking her fingers through Pearl’s soft hair. “You want me here? Or on the floor?”

Pearl moved away from the center of her bed, patting on the soft cushions. “Here.”

Jasper stared at her, searching her face for something as she climbed into the bed, laying down and letting Pearl roll closer, cuddling against her chest. 

Pearl hoped she found it.


	15. I Just Adore You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I still don’t get it.” Peridot shouted, throwing her free hand up in frustration. “What on earth makes humans so enthusiastic about this that there’s _billions_ of videos about it? With little to no variety?!”
> 
> “Well, there’s _some_ variety.” Jasper said, tapping on another video, scowling as she watched the first few minutes. “These situations seem highly unlikely and far fetched. Perhaps it’s… Instructional videos?”
> 
> “On what?”
> 
> “Human mating?”
> 
> “They need _instruction_ for that? I thought all organic life could just do whatever it needed?”

“This is obscene!” Peridot screeched, causing Jasper to sigh and turn to look at the smaller gem. She was endlessly fascinated with the “internet” once Greg and Steven had managed to jerry-rig a connection on her limb enhancers. She spent quite a bit of time watching “streaming services” and video websites, she had even gone into town to do a very loud and argumentive blog post with Ronaldo Fryman. 

“What’s obscene, you have to be more specific with human obscenity.” Jasper called from where she was doing one of Steven’s work out recordings, mostly just to get out of the house and _do_ something with her boredom.

“Look at this!” Peridot scrambled over, holding up her limb enhancer and turning the screen to Jasper. 

Jasper jolted at the sight of two human women, completely naked, moaning loudly and obscenely as they touched one another between the legs, kissing and mouthing at one another’s breasts and necks. 

“Turn that off!” She yelped, covering the screen with her hand and looking around. None of the other Crystal Gems were there, not even Lapis could be found brooding in the water nearby. She scowled down at Peridot, smacking her arm slightly as she glared at the smaller gem. “What on earth is that?”

“It’s called _pornography_.” Peridot sneered, making a face. “I found a reference to it on some forums, and I was curious as to what was so fascinating about it.”

“That’s disgusting.” Jasper growled, shoving Peridot away. The two of them glared at one another before Jasper sat down on the sand, patting her lap. “Come here, let’s look at some more, maybe there’s something we’re missing.”

* * *

“I still don’t get it.” Peridot shouted, throwing her free hand up in frustration. “What on earth makes humans so enthusiastic about this that there’s _billions_ of videos about it? With little to no variety?!”

“Well, there’s _some_ variety.” Jasper said, tapping on another video, scowling as she watched the first few minutes. “These situations seem highly unlikely and far fetched. Perhaps it’s… Instructional videos?”

“On what?”

“Human mating?”

“They need _instruction_ for that? I thought all organic life could just do whatever it needed?”

“Well, how do you think children learn it?” Jasper asked, gesturing towards the video. “You know how humans are, very shy about things like this, perhaps they make these videos to show their children how to… Copulate.”

“What are you two doing?” Pearl’s voice snapped and the two gems jumped, turning towards Pearl. Peridot dissolved the screen and Jasper cleared her throat, shifting quietly on the sand.

“Watching videos.”

Pearl gave the two of them a suspicious look, her hands on her hips. “Alright then…” She sighed. “Peridot, Amethyst and Steven want to take you to Funland. Jasper, can you help me with cleaning up while Hurricane Steven is out?”

Jasper nodded, clearing her throat as she followed Pearl, watching Peridot stumble across the sand in her limb enhancers towards where Steven and Amethyst were barreling out of the house towards the boardwalk. Jasper cleared her throat, looking at Pearl and following her to the house. Images from the videos she had just watched filtered through her mind. Women walking seductively up stairs, the camera following the sultry sway of their hips. Pearl had a slight sway to her hips, certainly nothing as exaggerated as the human women in the videos, but it was enough to draw Jasper’s eye anyway. 

She had heard rumors, all Quartzes heard rumors about Pearls, about the things that higher ups would do with their Pearls. A Quartz could only dream about what wonderful things a Pearl could do for them. Pearl opened the door to the house and Jasper followed her inside, closing the door behind her as Pearl sighed and began to pick up laundry, toys, various things scattered across the house.

Jasper began to clean up the kitchen, thinking of those videos, whispered gossip from when she was younger about Pearls and how pretty and sweet and eager to please they were.

“Pearl,” Jasper called, wringing a cloth in her hands. “I want to try something.”

Pearl looked up from where she had folded a stack of shirts, setting them aside on the couch before she went to stand beside Jasper. “What would that be?”

She didn’t know how to describe it, so Jasper did what she had been trained to do since she had sprung from her exit hole several thousand years ago: She acted on instinct. 

Broad hands grabbed Pearl’s hips, lifting her to perch on the edge of the counter. Her legs even spread open, mimicking one of the videos that Jasper and Peridot had watched in a way that made Jasper shiver and press her body between Pearl’s legs. Her hand grasped at Pearl’s thigh, pulling her closer, Jasper’s palm pressed to the smaller gem’s back, gliding down her spine to rest at the small of her back. 

“I just… The videos we watched were… They were educational videos on human copulation.”

“ _Educational_?” Pearl laughed slightly, though her eyes had a stern disapproval in them. “They were pornography, there’s nothing educational about that.”

Jasper huffed, pouting for a brief moment before she stroked her hand over Pearl’s waist, staring at her intently. “It got me thinking about Pearls.”

Pearl’s face flushed before she could school her expression. “O-oh?”

“Quartzes gossip. We’re pretty talkative among our numbers.” Jasper looked down at Pearl’s hands, resting on the countertop, supporting her weight, _posing_. “We would wonder what was so great about Pearls. Yeah, someone to hold doors open for you, to do petty stuff? We could get that. But we didn’t understand why you were always so _pretty_.” Jasper stroked her hand over Pearl’s thigh, nudging her knee back, opening slender legs even more. 

“Because why have an unattractive servant?” Pearl asked, her breath catching and Jasper could _feel_ it their lips were so close. 

“We were stumped.” Jasper murmured. “And then I watched those videos and I wondered… Is there something Pearls have that we don’t have?” Jasper’s fingers dipped between Pearl’s thighs, rubbing along her yellow leggings. “Something here?” She asked softly, staring at Pearl, barely breathing as she rubbed over the smaller gem’s groin.

And Pearl’s lashes fluttered, her body shivering as she gripped Jasper’s wrist, even as her hips pressed to Jasper’s fingers. “Maybe,” She grinned coyly at Jasper, biting her lower lip as shes tared at Jasper, sliding her own hand over Jasper’s forearm, up her bicep, to her shoulder. “Would… Would you like to see?”

Jasper knelt, staring up at Pearl, gripping her leggings and jerking the fabric down, peeling it down the smaller gem’s pale, slender thighs. She could feel herself panting, like some sort of wild animal, hungry for something she couldn’t even begin to describe or understand.

Pearl looked… Almost exactly like a human. Her soft inner flesh was the same pale blue as her flush on her cheek, but the structure of her was the same as from those videos and Jasper couldn’t help herself.

“Did you model yourself after humans? Or was it the other way around?” Before Pearl could answer, Jasper’s mouth was on her, desperately running on nothing more than an instinct to taste, to explore with her mouth, to feel every inch of Pearl’s body give under her lips, her teeth, her tongue. 

“A-ah…” Pearl shivered, her legs draping over Jasper’s shoulders as she leaned back on the countertop, the angle of her hips changing, making Jasper groan as she ground and pressed more firmly against her face. “I don’t even remember anymore.” Pearl moaned. “Not all Pearls are made the same.” Another sharp gasp and Jasper paused, tracing her tongue over the soft folds, over the tender nub of flesh that she had pressed her teeth against. “O-oh… Pink Diamond liked human forms.” Pearl shivered, her fingers tangled in Jasper’s hair. “So to please her I took one too.”

Jasper growled, sucking and licking, delving her thick tongue into the tight clench of Pearl’s body, feeling the smaller gem jerk and moan, whining loudly. “Thought you could seduce your Diamond with this pretty thing?” Jasper asked, pulling back, her own saliva smeared over her mouth and chin and jaw, the seam of Pearl’s body also dripping with spit as Pearl trembled and moaned. “What’s it called? A pussy?” Jasper wracked her brain for the words. “A cunt?”

Pearl moaned at that, shaking and whining as Jasper’s fingers explored, pressing and curling inside her. “Jasper, fuck, please.”

“Fuck, you’re too tight for even one of my fingers.” Jasper murmured, staring at her, at the dainty stretch of blue flesh around her thick red finger, feeling the way Pearl convulsed and panted and whined when she curled the digit inside her. “Fuck, you’re so pretty.” She moaned, pressing her mouth to Pearl’s thigh, groaning at the feeling of Pearl’s body shaking beneath her attentions, muscles twitching with aborted half-motions as Pearl devolved into delicate, desperate moans.

“Jasper!” Pearl whined, her fingers clenched in Jasper’s wild mane, her entire body a tense wire, prepared to snap at the lightest touch. 

“If I’d have known that this was what you had between your legs,” Jasper growled, staring at Pearl, at the vulnerable curve of her spine, the splay of her legs. “I would have tried so much harder to have you given to me by Pink Diamond.”

Pearl froze, stiffened, and her mouth hung open before a reedy, wounded little noise escaped her, a sobbing moan as she shook and clenched and Jasper watched her come, a gush of slick, musky fluid escaping her that made Jasper groan and lean in to lick and taste and suck Pearl clean, unable to help herself. She felt like she had discovered a drug that could affect gems, and maybe she had, maybe that was why Pearls were only given to the most elite gems. Jasper shivered, capturing a delicate fold of flesh between her teeth, giving a light nibble, licking her clean, before she pulled back, panting and looming over Pearl. 

“Do you want…” Pearl rested her delicate fingers against Jasper’s groin, but there was nothing there for her to pleasure, to tease and torment the way Jasper had for Pearl. 

“I… Don’t think I can.” Jasper blinked, looking down at her groin. 

“Of course you can.” Pearl smiled, as if Jasper was a delightfully amusing fool. “You can shapeshift, can’t you?”

Jasper scowled slightly. “I’m… Sorely out of practice.”

Pearl smiled, her arm moving to wrap around Jasper’s waist, pulling her close. Pearl’s nose brushed delicately over Jasper’s gem and Jasper shivered as she pressed her lips to Pearl’s, stroking her fingers through short, soft hair. “Well, why don’t we go to my room and practice?”

Jasper was sure that Steven, Amethyst, and Peridot wouldn’t mind the mess. They’d most certainly mind more if they found Jasper and Pearl performing lewd acts on the kitchen counter. So she lifted Pearl off the counter, the smaller gem’s long legs wrapped around her waist, Pearl giggling delightedly as she kissed Jasper’s jaw and neck while Jasper quickly made her way to the temple door, which opened into Pearl’s room at their approach.

She wasn’t sure what Pearl had in mind, but she was eager to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to point out to you in the audience: I did a time skip for the video watching for a reason. Jasper and Peridot spent a *lot* of time watching videos.


	16. I Wish That I Knew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jasper, get _up_!”

“Lapis!” Jasper shouted, reaching out for the smaller gem, air rushing past her ears as the corrupted Ocean Jasper turned, roaring and charging towards Lapis. Lapis lifted her hands, but there was no water here, there was nothing that she could do and Jasper didn’t want her dead.

She wasn’t close to Lapis, she wasn’t friends, but she was a Crystal Gem, she was valuable to the team, to Steven. Jasper tackled Lapis, willing herself to be enough to protect Lapis, feeling the enormous paw of the corrupted gem slam into her side, sending the two of them tumbling along the ground of the Beta Kindergarten. Jasper wheezed at the pain, but didn’t have a moment, her body curled tightly around Lapis’ as the smaller gem gasped.

“Jasper!” Lapis shouted, and Jasper squeezed her eyes shut as another large paw slammed into her back. She protectively rested her hand over Lapis’ own gem, trying to keep it from impacting on the hard ground. “Jasper, get up! Get up!”

“I can’t!” Jasper groaned, feeling another hard strike to her body. If she moved, she could fight it, but then Lapis’ prone form, far away from any water to defend herself, would be vulnerable. “If I move it’ll get to you!”

“Jasper, get _up_!” Lapis’ voice was commanding and enraged and Jasper opened her eyes, seeing her own gem glowing as Lapis’ began to glow around the cracks between Jasper’s fingers.

They were strong, they were powerful, they could do anything. This corrupted gem was no match for her.

No match for Malachite.

She felt strange, looking down at the corrupted gem, her body all arms and strange angles and thick, dense skin. She stumbled, finding her footing on four sturdy, thick arms, reeling as the corrupted gem roared and righted itself, finding footing. She snarled, grabbing at the corrupted gem and slamming it down, over and over, into the ground. Enormous paws slashed at Malachite’s face, slashing over her neck, shoulder, chest, tearing at flesh, but the physical form remained. Jasper’s dense skin protected them and with her broad hands holding the beast down, Lapis’ own slender hands reached down, grabbing at the gem, squeezing and scrambling for purchase before Malachite managed to rip the gemstone free from the beast’s physical form. An explosion of dust sent Malachite stumbling backwards, falling onto her side, before she managed to focus and regain her focus and faculties. She panted, clutching the gem in her hand before she closed her eyes and bubbled it, sending it back to the temple. 

Sitting in the Beta Kindergarten, Malachite looked around, staring up at the bright, burning sky, the sandstone catching the sunlight and making it burn even more. 

“It’s so different here. Different from the ocean.” She quietly stared at Jasper’s exit hole, a warmth of familiarity. “I didn’t know you came from here.” A strange, indescribable feeling washed over her, something painful. “Did it matter? I was your captor. Besides, I never wanted to come back to this planet. Why did you?” A longer silence this time. “I cam back to destroy this place, to destroy any trace of the suffering I had endured.” Another long silence. “I think I did as well. I just… I didn’t want to come back. But I hoped that it would be destroyed.”

Malachite sat in the sandstone canyon, breathing, existing as one being for some time. 

“What are we doing here?” A long silence. “I don’t know.” A sigh and Malachite hung her head. “What about the Diamonds? They’ll come here soon. They’ll destroy the Earth, wake the cluster from it’s bubble.” A longer silence, thoughtful and tense. “Then… We’ll help Steven. However that may happen.”

* * *

“Jasper!” Pearl smiled, watching as Jasper and Lapis stepped off the warp pad. “Lapis.” Her greeting of the blue gem was a bit more cool, but Lapis also simply nodded in greeting to Pearl, so she supposed Lapis didn’t take offense. “How did the mission go.”

“Bubbled in the basement.” Jasper said, leaning in to rest her forehead against Pearl’s gem, her own gem brushing Pearl’s nose fondly before she pulled back.

“So.” Lapis sighed. “I’ll see you around the barn soon?”

“Yeah, you will.” Jasper nodded. “Feel free to come spend time over here too. I don’t own the beach.”

“Okay.” Lapis gave a brief pause, her lips twitching upwards tiredly and Jasper gave her a nod.

Pearl glanced at the two, raising a brow at Jasper. “So… What happened with Lapis while you were on the mission.”

“We fused.” Jasper looked down at the counter, tracing her palm over the edge and thoughtfully frowning. “We came to an agreement. We don’t necessarily think we’re friends, but we’re not going to be trying to sabotage one another anymore. It’s… We realized that we aren’t on different sides of this whole situation.” Jasper sighed. “Though I never want to fuse with her again. We… We weren’t good for each other. It felt wrong.”

Pearl stared at Jasper before she smiled, pulling Jasper close into a hug. “I’m glad you two came to an agreement.” She gave Jasper’s cheek a soft kiss, letting Jasper turn her face into Pearl’s neck, clinging to her tightly, desperate for warmth after the cold of Malachite lingered in the back of her mind. 

“I… I apologized.” Jasper whispered. “I never realized how… No. I knew how I was hurting her. But I didn’t think. I didn’t think of how she was like me. She was… Displaced. Angry. And then she came from Earth, hoping to not be a prisoner anymore, and I just…” A shuddering sigh and Jasper pressed her face to Pearl’s neck even more tightly. “I felt like a monster.”

Pearl held Jasper close, pressing her lips to the larger gem’s jaw. “You’re not a monster. I promise you that.” Pearl, stroked her hand over Jasper’s back, kneading and rubbing until Jasper slowly began to relax. “I promise, you’re not a monster. Not anymore.” Pearl rested her forehead against Jasper’s, looking into her eyes, seeing something painful and vulnerable in them. “I wish I had known you felt this way.”

A wet laugh and Jasper kissed Pearl’s lips softly. “You’re not the only one good at pushing things down.”


	17. What Makes You Think I'm So Special?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh come on, Amethyst,” Jasper chuckled, stroking her fingers over Pearl’s waist, pulling the smaller gem close. “She might surprise you.”
> 
> “What does that even mean?” Amethyst snorted. 
> 
> “You emerged centuries after the war was over.” Jasper grinned. “I still remember the fearsome renegade Pearl. Owned by no one, responsible for countless fallen Homeworld Quartzes several times her size. Rebelling against everything for her chance at freedom.” Pearl flushed as Jasper pulled her flush against her side, giving her thigh a light smack. “Nothing more rock and roll than that, is there?”

Jasper and Amethyst were… Certainly a pair.

Barreling into the house like a pair of over-excited dogs, the two Quartzes slammed through the door, laughing and roaring in delight. “Come on, go go go!” Jasper barked, her commanding tone reminiscent of her times commanding soldiers on front lines. 

“What’s got the two of you so excited?” Pearl asked, smiling as she paused from where she was trying to assemble a puzzle with Steven. 

“Greg is letting us take the Dondai to a show tonight!” Amethyst squealed from where she was racing to her room. 

“Oh, like at the theater?” Steven asked, grinning at the two. 

“No, man, like a rock show.” Amethyst laughed, ruffling her own hair and posing. “We’re going to tear the place _up_!”

“Not literally, I hope?”

“Relax, Pearl,” Jasper smiled. “It’s at a house and I’ll keep an eye on her.”

“You’re not necessarily the best example of self control, Jasper,” Pearl hummed, fitting a piece in place before she looked up at Jasper with a sly smile. “Is Greg going to be with you the whole night?”

“We don’t need a _babysitter_ , Pearl.” Amethyst sighed, pouting at Pearl. 

“He’s also not coming,” Jasper said with a smirk. “Barb and Vidalia will do unsavory things to him if he backs out of card night again.”

“Which is _so_ lame,” Amethyst groaned.

“But that means we can take the Dondai on our own.”

“Do you even know how to drive an Earth vehicle?” Pearl asked with a raised brow.

“I can drive a Roving Eye, and most any ship if I need to, how difficult can a Dondai be?”

“I can drive,” Pearl spoke up, flushing as she looked at Jasper. “So why don’t Steven and I go with you?”

Jasper gave a smirk, leaning against the doorway as Amethyst groaned in frustration. “Seriously? You’re gonna come wet blanket all over our rock show?” Amethyst grabbed at Jasper’s arm. “Don’t give into her, sis!”

“Oh come on, Amethyst,” Jasper chuckled, stroking her fingers over Pearl’s waist, pulling the smaller gem close. “She might surprise you.”

“What does that even mean?” Amethyst snorted. 

“You emerged centuries after the war was over.” Jasper grinned. “I still remember the fearsome renegade Pearl. Owned by no one, responsible for countless fallen Homeworld Quartzes several times her size. Rebelling against everything for her chance at freedom.” Pearl flushed as Jasper pulled her flush against her side, giving her thigh a light smack. “Nothing more rock and roll than that, is there?”

“Okay, fine,” Amethyst huffed, even as Steven stared up at them with wide, excited eyes. “But she can’t go out looking like that.”

* * *

Jasper would have to thank Amethyst. Arriving at the rock show, outside of a very obviously wealthy person’s house, she hadn’t been able to take her eyes off of Pearl the entire drive anyway. But now, she was free to oggle Pearl as much as she wanted. Tight jeans, a jacket with the collar popped, and a thin, white tee shirt couldn’t transform Pearl. It wasn’t like those fantasy stories that Steven had read to Jasper when she first arrived. But it certainly seemed to give her more confidence, and Jasper couldn’t help but think that _this_ was the Pearl she remembered confronting on the battlefield. 

She had, over a year ago, thought herself a fool for not recognizing that Pink Diamond’s Pearl had been The Renegade Pearl, but now she could see just how much Pearl had changed with the simple _idea_ of rebelling against something. She was confident and when she glanced at Jasper, who was staring at her with her mouth agape and her attention entirely fixed on Pearl, she couldn’t hide the smirk. Jasper found herself liking this new side of Pearl.

Pearl’s eyes traveled around the house and she stiffened, freezing in place as Jasper followed her. When Jasper glanced over Pearl’s head she froze as well, staring at the human that Pearl’s eyes were so rapturously fixated on. 

The human was tall, and voluptuous, as far as humans went, only slightly taller than Pearl herself, nowhere near the hulking size of Jasper, but the thing that had drawn both of their eyes was the pink of her hair. Jasper felt something seething and jealous rise in her chest, grabbing Pearl about the waist and pulling her into the house, past the woman that could have been a Rose Quartz in another time. 

“Come on, let’s go find the stage.”

Pearl flushed, grinning up at Jasper with a sly look. Steven and Amethyst were already lost in the crowd, whooping and hollering over the music, trying to make their way to the front of the stage. Jasper attempted to follow them, but Pearl pulled on her hand, causing her to turn and look at her. 

“Come on, let’s… Let’s get some punch?”

Jasper frowned, but followed Pearl’s lead, the two of them searching and finding the kitchen. There wasn’t any punch, but there was plenty of alcohol. Jasper made a note to make sure that Amethyst didn’t let Steven try any of the more fruity looking mixes she could see, but when Pearl grabbed a beer, Jasper grinned.

“You’re seriously going to drink a beer?”

“I can drink beer! I _was_ around for the invention of it!” Pearl shouted over the sounds of the crowded kitchen-slash-makeshift-bar. People were jostling around them and Jasper just planted herself at a corner of the counter, away from the door, blocking off the space for Pearl to lean against Jasper’s larger arm.

“Okay, okay, let’s see it then.” Jasper grinned, leaning against the cluttered countertop, watching Pearl crack open a beer before she started to chug it down, gulping for a few moments before she choked on the frothy drink, coughing and pulling the can back. The humans around them whooped and laughed and cheered, despite Pearl’s embarrassed flush, a few of them shaking Pearl’s shoulders as they moved around the counter. Jasper grinned, laughing as she gave Pearl’s back a few pats before she grabbed a beer for herself, holding it up in front of her face. “I’m going to show you how it’s done.”

“Oh really, what are you gonna do with that?”

The can met the hard point of her gem and Jasper pressed her mouth against the metal seam where she had broken it open, drinking down the beer much more easily than Pearl. The humans went wild at that, roaring in appreciation as Jasper placed the mangled can down, licking her lips and grinning at Pearl. Pearl’s eyes were wide and fixed on her, delicate fingers trembling slightly before she grinned, getting into the ridiculous spirit of the competition between them.

“Okay, if that’s how it’s going to be.” She drank down the rest of her own beer, choking on it a bit. “I know something that I’ll be able to do better than you.”

“This I gotta see.” Jasper grinned as she lumbered after Pearl, who was searching through mountains of alcohol. She curiously watched as Pearl collected a glass bottle, a thing of salt, and a lime. 

“Lean against the counter.” Pearl ordered and the humans whistled and cheered them on as Pearl produced a shot glass. “Hold this for me.” She said, wedging the glass right in Jasper’s cleavage, making the Quartz startle and then laugh as Pearl poured a shot of the tequila into the small glass. Jasper braced her legs wide and Pearl poured some salt on her finger, licking it before she leaned in. 

Jasper’s chest had always been ample, even without the press of her bra, she highly doubted that Pearl’s lips would be able to fish out the shot. But then again, Pearl had made it a point to prove her wrong. Pearl’s eyes flicked up to Jasper and she grinned, teasingly slipping the lime wedge between Jasper’s full lips, leaning down to lick at the line of her cleavage before she took the rim of the small glass between her lips. She pulled back, throwing her head back and letting the shot pout into her mouth to a crescendo of cheers, removing the glass, then leaning up to kiss Jasper’s slackened mouth, her tongue curling and teasing against Jasper’s lip, her teeth, her own tongue. 

A broad hand shot up to grab Pearl’s head, the rushing in her ears drowning out the humans jostling and laughing and celebrating around them. When Pearl finally pulled back, Jasper gaped down at her, her mouth dry and her fingers trembling. Pearl reached up, removing the rind of the lime from her lips and dropping it into the nearby garbage.

“How’s that for you?” Pearl asked, grinning up at Jasper.

* * *

The pounding bass of the rock show rattled up through the floor as Jasper pushed open the door to a random bedroom, finding a couple already inside making out, their clothing not even removed yet.

“Out.” She growled, and the two looked like they were ready to protest, right up until they saw Jasper’s snarling face. They scrambled out, grabbing their belongings, and Jasper pushed Pearl inside, slamming and locking the door shut as she kissed the smaller gem. 

Pearl was laughing, giggling softly in delight as she stroked her palms over Jasper’s shoulders, biting at Jasper’s full lips and pressing her body closer, her fingers tangled in Jasper’s hair, jerking her closer for more, more, _more_ until the both of them were suffocating with it. Jasper groaned, low and hungry, her hands greedily tearing at Pearl’s jacket, at the thin white of her tee shirt, ripping the fabric clean off. The music they had spent hours listening to, dancing to, rattled Jasper’s teeth as she greedily tried to touch and feel every inch of her.

Pearl pulled back from the kiss with a moan, grabbing at Jasper’s hair and jerking her head back. Pearl stood on her delicate toes, her nails digging into broad shoulders. “On the bed, soldier.” She whispered and Jasper’s legs nearly gave out as she was shoved back towards the bed. Pearl’s bird-bone fragile limbs didn’t have a fraction of the strength required to truly move Jasper, but she was so _used_ to obeying the subtle guidance of those hands that Pearl didn’t _need_ to do much more than nudge her in whatever direction she desired. Jasper sat on the edge of the bed, her legs splayed wide, the rips and tears at the knees and thighs of her jeans giving Pearl tantalising peeks of skin right that she very rarely got to see. “Pants off.”

“Pearl, we’ve tried this before and I-”

“Off, Jasper.” Pearl’s eyes burned with their intensity, like the blinding blue of distant stars that Jasper had flown past years and years ago. 

Jasper undid her belt, then the buttons, shoving her jeans down her thick thighs. Pearl smirked at her, leaning in to lick and kiss and suck at the smooth curve of her groin. There was nothing there, not like Pearl’s body which always bore her cute, sleek pussy. A plain plane of flesh and bone, nothing for Pearl to explore the way she could have if Jasper was another Pearl. That didn’t stop her from smirking and looking up at the larger Quartz, her fingers stroking over the smooth curve between Jasper’s thighs. 

“Come on, Jasper,” Pearl purred, looking up at her, her lips pressing to her groin. “Don’t you want to feel my mouth on you? My tongue and fingers inside you?” Jasper groaned, her thighs tensing as she grabbed at the bedding, trying to restrain herself from crushing Pearl between her legs. It’d be… Embarrassing to say the least to explain that to Steven and Amethyst. A hard smack from Pearl’s delicate fingers and Jasper jumped, brought back to the present as Pearl stared at her, grinning. “Come on, Jasper, I want to see your pussy.”

Jasper groaned, tensing, her long legs stretching out on either side of Pearl, trembling and focusing on the feeling of Pearl’s fingers, teasing dulled down nerves, prodding and stroking and rubbing until Jasper groaned and felt something in her stomach _give_.

“There we go.” Pearl purred, her fingers sinking into Jasper, making the larger gem gasp and yelp, turning her head in shock to look down. 

“ _Fuck_.” She moaned, shivering as Pearl’s fingers sank into her, exploring the soft flesh and textured walls, feeling as if Pearl was trying to make her lose her mind with how persistently she thrust and curled and pressed with her delicate fingers.

She knew what an orgasm looked like. She had seen enough of those human videos, enough of Pearl’s own gasping and trembling that she knew what an orgasm looked like. 

What Jasper hadn’t been prepared for was the _feeling_. The building tightness in her stomach suddenly clenching tight, impossibly tight, and then releasing as she sobbed and moaned, her thighs shaking from the effort of keeping them open. She was panting and whining and muttering Pearl’s name over and over, grabbing at the bedding hard enough that she was sure she had torn it. 

“Fuck, Jasper, good girl,” Pearl moaned, kissing Jasper’s thigh, watching the way she convulsed and clenched, grinning against Jasper’s thigh wide enough that the larger gem could feel the press of her teeth. “Good girl, Jasper.” 

Jasper shuddered and moaned as Pearl slowly pulled back, panting as she stared up at Pearl, a slow grin spreading over her face. “So that’s why you like my fingers, huh?” Pearl giggled, high and pleased, kissing Jasper as she climbed up the larger gem’s body. “… Can’t believe you actually fucked me in a stranger’s bedroom, Pearl.”

Pearl flustered and blushed, pouting up at Jasper. “Don’t make fun of me.”

“Absolutely I have a right to make fun of you.” Jasper laughed, kissing Pearl deeply, rolling her onto her back. “Because now it’s my turn to do something wild and crazy.”


	18. If I Could Begin To Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I got the message out to you.” Jasper hissed back. “And Holly Blue meant nothing.”
> 
> “ _Oh_ , Holly Blue, is it?”
> 
> “She was a comrade before I joined the Crystal Gems. I had a good professional relationship with her.”
> 
> “Is that what you call-” 
> 
> “Pearl. She means nothing to me.”

“You can’t go!” Pearl shouted, her eyes wide as she stared at Jasper and Steven. 

Jasper nudged Steven inside the roving eye, Steven’s defiant, angry expression searing into Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst’s concerned faces. “This isn’t your decision,” Jasper said simply, climbing in and closing the hatch. 

“Jasper…” Steven quietly called out as Jasper altered the settings, set their course and gunned the engine of the roving eye. “Is… What’s at the palanquin?”

Jasper sighed and closed her eyes, quietly gripping the arm of the pilot’s chair before she looked out the window. “I’ll… I’ll explain when we get there.”

Getting to Korea was easier than if they had taken any conventional means, and Jasper sighed as she landed the roving eye outside the Palanquin, hidden from view of the enormous construct, but still close enough that if they needed to they could make a run for their small ship. Steven immediately ran out of the ship, gasping as he stared at the Palanquin, frozen outside it.

Jasper thought of battles fought, of violence enacted, of lies and secrets held, and she sighed, leading Steven up to the Palanquin, letting him look at the enormous private chamber contained inside it. She didn’t say anything, quietly staring at the destroyed room, Pink Diamond’s command chair - her throne, as all other gems had called it - and her cushioned lounge. Sunlight filtered through the patterned cut walls of the palanquin, dappling across the floor and Jasper held out her hand to Steven, letting him jump into the chamber, holding her hand for balance on the slanted, worn down floor of the Palanquin. 

“What is this place?” He asked softly.

“This was the last place where Pink Diamond was ever seen.” Jasper said, looking at the room. 

“Did you…” Steven stared at Jasper, breathing deeply. “What was she like?”

Jasper was silent for a moment before she knelt down, making sure that her eyes met Steven’s. “What she was like doesn’t matter, Steven. What she did speaks to who she was. And what she did was she fought a war she did not believe in, and was preparing to retreat. But she was told to remain here, to fight the war for Earth by the other Diamonds.” Jasper sighed. “Things are not always so black and white, so clear and simple as the other Crystal Gems would like them to be.”

“They have to be, though,” Steven said firmly. “There has to be a right and a wrong.”

“Sometimes a wrong has to be committed in order to make a right.” Jasper rested her hands on Steven’s shoulders. “Be generous in what you think of Pink Diamond, and your mother’s actions in regards to her. They were both doing what they thought was right.”

“That doesn’t make sense! How can they both be right, Jasper?!” Steven shouted, tears welling up in his eyes. His face froze as he stared at her, blinking, sending moisture running down his face. “Jasper… You’re crying.”

Jasper blinked, rubbing at her face and feeling more tears rolling down her cheeks. “Blue Diamond.” She whispered, standing sharply, lifting Steven into her arms. 

“Oh… Pink…” A soft, mournful voice whispered, and Jasper froze, staring at the opening to the Palanquin. A tall figure dressed in a dark blue cloak approached the structure, and Jasper felt tears blinding her vision as more rolled down her cheeks. Jasper clutched Steven to her chest, breathing deeply before she peered out of the palanquin and saw that Blue Diamond’s Pearl was peering up at the structure, curious and observant in the way all Pearls were. “I’m so sorry, Pink.”

Jasper couldn’t think, she couldn’t do anything, she was frozen in place. 

Blue Diamond sighed softly, lifting a hand to her face. “Yellow says it will all be over soon… But I can’t help but wonder what you would think. This is _your_ planet after all… At least… I still think it is.”

Jasper took a deep breath, looking down at Steven and quietly hoping that he would trust her. In a flash her Earth clothing was gone, changed to her jumpsuit from before. Instead of a yellow diamond at the chest, there was a pink one. 

“Get _out_!” Jasper roared, throwing Steven out of the palanquin. His eyes widened and he cried out in terror, landing among the hibiscus plants surrounding the palanquin. He scrambled towards the roving eye, but Jasper leapt, grabbing Steven about his ankle and lifting him into the air. 

“Wait, why are you doing this!? Ja-”

“Quiet, human!” She sneered, and Steven froze, staring at her. 

“Jasper.” Blue Diamond’s voice calmly called out and Jasper turned, looking up at the Diamond. The tiny Pearl covered her mouth, staring at the two through her pale blue hair, Steven still squirming, dangling from Jasper’s hand. “Yellow Diamond said you were still here…”

Jasper dropped Steven onto the soft flowers, crossing her arms in a salute. “My Diamond.” She looked up at Blue Diamond. “I have made it my mission to remain here to monitor the Cluster’s development, especially after Peridot defected to the Crystal Gems.” Jasper sneered, looking up at Blue Diamond. “I come back here to pay respect to My Diamond, Pink Diamond.”

Something in Blue Diamond’s eyes softened and she reached her hand out to Steven. “Come here, human.” She whispered, lifting him to her face, observing him quietly. Jasper prayed, quietly, that Blue Diamond’s sentimentality didn’t end up crushing Steven in her palm. “You know, there’s a geo-weapon incubating in your planet’s core.” She sighed, her enormous fingers stroking over Steven’s head, ruffling his curls softly. “But you don’t deserve that? Do you?”

Blue Diamond looked at Jasper, straightening with Steven still in her palm. “You have served your Diamond well. I will give you a position in her Zoo, one suitable to your loyalty.”

* * *

“Holly Blue Agate,” Blue Diamond called out, Jasper walking by her side as the Diamond cradled Steven in her hand. “I have a new specimen for Pink Diamond’s Zoo.”

“Oh, My Diamond!” Holly Blue saluted, looking up at the Diamond with an absolutely simpering gaze. Jasper tried to recall if she had always been like that. She probably had, Jasper just hadn’t cared, had been wrapped up in her own mind. “A perfect specimen, and one so young!” She smiled and gestured for two of the Amethysts beside her to accept Steven. “Would you like to tour the facilities?”

“Jasper!” Steven shouted, only to be dragged away. Jasper took a deep breath, trying not to panic. She knew the treatment these humans had. Steven would be well cared for. Long enough for Jasper to get a message out.

“No,” Blue Diamond whispered. “I would… I would like to remain, undisturbed, in Pink Diamond’s room.”

“Of course, My Diamond,” Holly Blue bowed deeply. 

“You have met Jasper, have you not?” Blue Diamond gestured to Jasper. “She has loyally remained on Earth, fighting against the Crystal Gems and keeping an eye on the progress of a project.” Holly Blue glanced over and froze, before a sly smile crossed her features. 

“How could I forget her?” She asked, smiling at Jasper. 

Jasper smirked as Blue Diamond left. This would be easier than she thought.

* * *

“Humans are disgusting.” Holly Blue sighed as she sat in her office, looking at Jasper as the larger gem quietly observed the humans from the one way window overlooking the zoo. “Filthy creatures, I could hardly stand the sheer _idea_ of being stuck on _Earth_ of all places.”

Jasper glanced over at Holly Blue, her eyes flicking to the computer she was working at, measuring health statistics from the humans in the Zoo. “Not all things about humans are disgusting.”

“Oh, _everything_ about them is disgusting. I’ve seen _everything_ they do. Eating, _passing waste_ , even their procreation and birth.”

“So you’ve seen some of the more interesting things they do with one another.” Jasper turned, facing Holly Blue entirely, prowling forward. She could see the communicator next to the computer. “They have some rather pleasurable pass-times.”

Holly Blue’s eyes widened and she placed her hands against Jasper’s chest, trying quietly to keep distance between them. “O-oh?”

Jasper leaned in, staring at Holly Blue, her broad palms stroking over the other gem’s waist, pulling her close. “Kisses, for example…” She brushed her lips over Holly Blue’s mouth, the other gem shivering, arching, pressing closer. Jasper stole a kiss, long and deep, her hand pressing to the small of Holly Blue’s back, making her gasp and shiver at the touch. Jasper’s free hand fumbled for the communicator, her broad, clumsy fingers knocking it over onto the floor. 

Holly Blue’s head snapped back, turning to see what the noise was, and Jasper leaned down to latch her mouth onto the other gem’s neck, causing her to moan in surprise, gasping and shivering as she froze. “O-oh… _Jasper_.” She moaned, her fingers digging into Jasper’s shoulders, dragging her close, Jasper scrambling to think of something, anything, to get to the communicator. 

Jasper sank to her knees, grabbing Holly Blue’s legs and throwing them over her shoulders. Holly Blue’s eyes widened and she shivered at the sight of Jasper staring up at her, panting and gripping the other gem’s thighs. “This is another thing they do.” She brushed her mouth over Holly Blue’s vulnerable stomach, the curve of her groan. “Something that only _elites_ do back on Homeworld.”

“Tell me more.”

“Citrines, Zircons, Sapphires, even the _Diamonds_ do this.” She purred, looking up at Holly Blue. “And some Agates, rumor has it, know about it too.”

Holly Blue shivered, her eyes darkening as she grabbed at Jasper’s long hair. “I-I’ve heard rumors. But it’s… Obscene.”

Jasper stared at her, pressing the flat of her tongue to Holly Blue’s groin, her free hand reaching down to grab at the communicator on the ground. “But you strike me as someone who enjoys some obscenity… With the _right_ Quartz.” Her finger closed around the communicator. “And none of these Quartzes measure up to _me_.”

* * *

Pearl’s knuckles were _white_. Jasper couldn’t help but feel relieved that they had found the roving eye, but the sight of Pearl’s expression frozen in cold fury at the sight of Jasper standing beside Holly Blue Agate was enough to make Jasper second guess every decision that had brought her to such a position. 

“You’re mad at me.”

“Why would I be mad at you?” Pearl whispered, careful to keep Steven or the others from hearing. “You only took Steven to a deeply horrible and private place, then handed him over to a Diamond, took him to _Pink Diamond’s Human Zoo_ , had him placed in there and then proceeded to fuck-”

“I got the message out to you.” Jasper hissed back. “And Holly Blue meant nothing.”

“ _Oh_ , Holly Blue, is it?”

“She was a comrade before I joined the Crystal Gems. I had a good professional relationship with her.”

“Is that what you call-” 

“Pearl.” Jasper whispered and Pearl’s eyes flicked over to her. Jasper stared at her, their eyes meeting firmly. “She means nothing to me. I chose _you_. I made a mistake, taking Steven to the Palanquin alone, but I did not know that Blue Diamond would be there. And aren’t you glad that I was there? God forbid, he brought Greg? Amethyst? _Connie_? He was safer with me the entire time than he would have been with them.”

Pearl stared at Jasper, her jaw working, before she whispered. “You don’t make unilateral decisions like that again. We’re a _team_.”

“Of course the Crystal Gems are a-”

“ _No_.” Pearl whispered, her grip on the controls tightening before she turned fully to face Jasper. “ _We_ are a team. You and I. That’s what a relationship is.”

Jasper was quiet for a moment before she smiled. “First time you’ve called it a relationship.”

Pearl flushed before she huffed and turned away. “Shut up, Jasper.”

“Hey, Pearl?” Pearl’s eyes flicked over and Jasper leaned in, tilting her head to kiss her, deep and passionate in a way she could never muster up for anyone else. “I love it when you get jealous.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lowkey ship Jasper/Holly Blue Agate, but I only allow myself one niche ship to write content for per fandom and I've chosen JasPearl to hitch that horse to.


	19. Something That Does Right By You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Penny for your thoughts?”
> 
> “What?”
> 
> “What are you thinking?”

“Breathe. Let your mind empty, everything is still.” Garnet’s voice whispered to her and Tiger’s Eye felt her shoulders relax as she focused on the other fusion’s voice. “Here comes a thought.”

Jasper and Pearl opened their eyes, staring into the void of their own mind, their own thoughts. Jasper’s mind was a chaotic whirl of thoughts, of feelings, emotions, abstracts that raged as butterflies across the landscape of her consciousness. Doubts and fears and insecurities slashed at her like razors, made her fall to her knees and cover her head.

“Breathe through it, Tiger’s Eye. It’s just a thought. It can’t hurt you.”

Jasper choked on air for a moment, before she opened her eyes, staring at the thoughts. Staring at battles past, at Rose Quartz looming over her with her sword. The thought dissipated, quiet and harmless, fluttering away on a breeze. Pearl was there, was helping her, they were still together, still one.

Another thought, this time one of Pearl’s. Holly Blue Agate, standing with a smirk as she looked at Jasper, eyed her up greedily, and the way Jasper didn’t even flinch away from a flirtatious touch. A thought about what that might mean, of all those millennia between when Pearl had been close to Jasper, had been close enough to touch her in the day to day, and then the moment when they had been reunited. So much about her life, that Pearl had never known.

Another thought, Jasper’s own, mirroring Pearl, picturing Bismuth and Pearl and wondering if she perhaps had ruined any chance of them being together. They were closer. They were meant to be together. 

The thoughts fluttered around one another, wings whispering against one another, fluttering, coalescing, and Tiger’s Eye breathed.

They were here now. They were here. They were together. What might have happened - Holly Blue Agate, Bismuth - everything that might have been, didn’t matter now. 

“Is this how you will fall apart?”

Tiger’s Eye breathed deeply, let the air around her still.

“No. This is now how we will part.”

Tiger’s Eye opened her eyes, staring quietly ahead as Pearl and Jasper settled into one another once more, listening to Garnet’s voice echoing through her memory. A thought whipped past her eyes moving too fast, then another, then another, and she breathed quietly, deeply, picking one thought to focus on.

Pink Diamond dominated her thoughts, Rose Quartz a mirror image, superimposed on memories where she was not meant to be, Pink Diamond leading battles she had long ago abandoned, when she had been considered dead and long gone. 

Yellow Diamond’s careless gaze, her carefully schooled neutral expressions. She was never Jasper’s Diamond, that title was reserved for Pink Diamond. 

Intimate moments between Pearl and Pink Diamond, stolen kisses from her and Rose Quartz, fantasies about their lives together, what they could have been like if things were different, if Steven -

Pearl flinched back from that thought and Tiger’s Eye’s breath caught, trapped in her chest. She took a moment and then let the breath escape, let it hiss through her teeth. She captured the thought in her hands, between her fingers, cradling it gently, examining it.

If Greg had never met Rose, then Steven wouldn’t have ever come into existence, Rose would never have even thought of giving up her physical form, she would still be there. Rose, who had made Pearl feel like she was everything, her whole world. But she wasn’t, she wasn’t her whole world, not when she had so easily left her behind for Greg.

“She was careless.” Tiger’s Eye whispered. “Careless with people. She tried to be better. She _was_ better than she once was. But she was still careless. Careless with you. Careless with the consequences of her actions. She was even careless with Steven. He now has to suffer for things she did.”

She breathed, staring at the thought, gently closing her hands around it. 

“We can protect him. From everything. From the people who want to hurt him.”

The thought was released, letting it fly away. 

Jasper flinched as another thought fluttered into their vision, thoughts of inadequacies, of jealousy of how much Pearl loved Rose Quartz. Quiet comparisons that Jasper found herself thinking of, of her own form and Rose Quartz, of any semblance of similarities that Pearl might draw between them. They were both tall, both big. But Jasper was broad and distant, where Rose was soft and warm. 

“Yes, I see the resemblances,” Tiger’s Eye smiled slightly. “But it’s the differences that I like. Could I love you as much as I loved her?” A pause, a thought materializing, held in her other hand. “I believe so. It might take time. But perhaps, with that time, I could love you as much as I loved her. All things change with time, don’t they?”

A deep breath, their eyes closing, quiet and thoughtful, letting every thought wash over them, sharing the weight of memories, their pain shared and halved between them. That weight got lighter the more they breathed, the more they shared.

The mockery of other Quartzes, the judgment of other Pearls, quiet and heavy expectations from the Diamonds, from armies that looked to them for leadership, for guidance. A deep breath, a quiet exhale.

Tiger’s Eye stared at her own hands, at the four sets of five fingers, palms facing outwards from one another, melded at the wrists. 

It was an impossible weight to carry alone, the weight of thousands of deaths, of all the comrades lost, to the cluster, now bubbled, to the war, now corrupted and held in the heart of the temple. Long nights staying watch, fearful of another friend lost, another comrade killed on her watch. Tiger’s Eye breathed through it all, letting Pearl and Jasper think, examine their own fears, their thoughts.

Pearl thought of all the things she could never share when fused with any of the others, not with Sardonyx, not with Opal, not Ammolite, not even with Rainbow Quartz when she had fused with Rose all those years ago. Doubts and fears and quiet secrets that should stay locked away in the darkest corners of her soul. Jasper thought about everything she had done in her millennia as a soldier. Pearl’s war had stopped so quickly, so abruptly. She had learned how to live with peace. Jasper never had a chance to stop, fighting endless battles away from her planet of origin. Exhaustion weighed heavy on her shoulders and Pearl examined those thoughts, let Jasper release them quietly to mingle and flutter around them, tickling at her lashes, ruffling her hair with the beat of their wings. 

Tiger’s Eye looked down at her hands, and she froze when she saw that instead of four sets of five, there were only two. A slow smile drifted over her face as the thoughts swarmed and danced and the two of them remained together. 

Until they were not.

Jasper opened her eyes, staring at Pearl as they sat in the training ruins. Yellow eyes fixed on blue and Pearl released a breath she had held tightly in her chest. She smiled. Jasper smiled back. Pearl lunged forwards, her arms wrapping around Jasper’s shoulders, clinging to the broader gem, their faces pressed together stealing a soft kiss. 

“That… It was…”

“I know.” Jasper whispered, holding Pearl close. “I felt it too.”

—

“Pearl?” Steven called out quietly and Pearl climbed up the stairs to Steven’s loft, sitting on the edge of his bed. 

“Yes, Steven?”

“With… With Tiger’s Eye…” He quietly looked down at his hands, clutching at the blankets. “Are you guys gonna become like Garnet? Just… Fused all the time?”

Pearl smiled down at Steven, stroking over his cheek softly, adjusting his curls. “Oh, Steven, you don’t have to worry about that.” Pearl smiled. “We like it but… But it’s not quite like Garnet.”

Steven looked at her curiously, tilting his head. “Why not?”

“Garnet is…” Pearl sighed, sliding into the bed, letting Steven lean against her torso, cuddling her like he used to when he was much smaller and younger. “Garnet is a special case. She’s pure love. It was love at first sight and it was just… An impulse decision that led to so much happiness. Jasper and I… We have to work at it.”

“I thought that you didn’t have to work at love.” Steven asked, peering up her. 

“Oh, you have to work at it.” Pearl laughed, smiling as she hugged Steven. “Love is work, it’s effort and patience and… And making the effort, even if the decisions are hard.” Pearl sighed, looking down, smoothing Steven’s comforter across his body. “Sometimes things aren’t so clear cut. Sometimes you have to decide… Is this person worth everything? Worth doing the right and sometimes the wrong things for.”

Steven hugged Pearl tightly, frowning before he whispered. “Do you… Do you love Jasper?”

“I do.”

“More than mom?”

Pearl felt her heart ache. “Oh, Steven, no, it’s… There’s no comparing the two. I couldn’t love Jasper more than your mother, but I also couldn’t love her less.” Pearl stroked over Steven’s curls, so much like Rose’s in a way. “You can’t compare one love to the other, Steven. There is only love. And I love your mother, still, and I love you, and I love Garnet and Amethyst and, yes, Jasper, all in different and equal ways.”

Steven closed his eyes for a moment before he quietly asked. “Would… If mom was still here… Do you think she’d like Jasper? Tiger’s Eye?”

“I think she’d like how Jasper makes me feel.” Pearl smiled. “That Jasper makes me happy, makes me feel safe. I think she’d approve of Jasper. She embodies the change that Rose Quartz believed that every gem is capable of.”

Steven nodded, his eyes still closed, drifting off, as he held onto Pearl quietly. “I love Jasper. I’m glad that she loves you too.”

“She does.” Pearl smiled. “And I love you. No matter what.”

When Steven fell asleep, finally resting, Pearl slipped out of his grip, going down the stairs. Jasper was outside, leaning on the rail around the patio, and Pearl smiled, going out to stand beside her. 

“A good night?” Pearl asked softly. 

“Yeah,” Jasper draped her arm over Pearl’s shoulders, pulling her close, frowning quietly into the darkness. 

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“What?”

“What are you thinking?”

Jasper was quiet, staring out into space, her fingers brushing over Pearl’s delicate shoulder, back and forth. 

“If… Rose Quartz was here… Pink Diamond…” Jasper looked at Pearl. “You wouldn’t have given me a second thought… Would you?”

“That depends.” Pearl murmured, resting her head against Jasper’s arm. “Maybe. But it doesn’t do to dwell on things that won’t happen.”

“When Steven… When Steven gets old enough he will… No longer exist.”

Pearl froze, not looking at Jasper, refusing to look at her. 

“He’ll become Pink Diamond again, reform. Probably in a new form, a mix of Steven and Pink Diamond, but still Pink Diamond.”

“I know. I worry about that too.”

“When that happens… Will you still be mine? Or will you be hers again?”

Pearl leaned her head against Jasper’s arm quietly, thinking it over, stroking over Jasper’s waist and shoulder slowly. “No.” She said simply. “Because that won’t be the Pink Diamond I knew.” She tilted her head to look up at Jasper, and Jasper looked down at her. “But after Steven changes… You will still be _my_ Jasper.”

Jasper stroked her fingers over Pearl’s, nestled in the crook of her arm, leaning down to kiss Pearl gently. “I just want to do what is right for you… If Tiger’s Eye isn’t what is right… Then I can live without her.”

“I don’t want to live without you.” Pearl whispered, looking up at Jasper. “We’re a team. And I don’t want to go one day without _you_. We could never fuse again and I would still stay by you.”


	20. I Would Do About Anything (3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Topaz!” She called out, scrambling to look out of her cell, craning to get a glimpse of the larger gem. “Topaz, please, open the cell. Please, I need to check on Jasper!”
> 
> Topaz froze, but didn’t speak. 
> 
> “Topaz, _please_. Please, I need to see if she’s okay!”
> 
> The fusion didn’t move.

“I’m Rose Quartz!” Steven shouted to the Aquamarine and the Topaz fusion, and Pearl felt everything go quiet around her. She was in shock, she was terrified, she couldn’t lose Steven. She couldn’t. Jasper turned to her and there was something that just… Clicked. Within them. Something connected in them, something _real_ and vicious and protective all at once. 

Jasper swam up to the ship, grabbing and hauling herself up, grabbing at the ship, she slammed herself into Topaz, snarling and roaring in the fusion’s face with all the animal rage that Earth Quartzes had been known for. She was a terrifying sight, and Pearl stared as Jasper fought with the Topaz fusion, the two behemoths matching strength against strength, viciously snarling as they threw their weight around, the Aquamarine waving her wand to throw a stasis field around Jasper.

“Now, now!” Aquamarine shouted, stamping her foot. “There’s no need for that behaviour! Rose Quartz has surrendered herself and there’s nothing you can do about it!”

“You’ve got the wrong gem!” Jasper roared, struggling, fighting against the stasis field that had engulfed her whole body. “Rose Quartz didn’t shatter Pink Diamond!” Pearl’s breath caught in her throat as she stared at Jasper. 

“Garnet, Garnet, throw me.” She whispered, turning to the other gem. “Garnet!”

“I killed her!” Jasper roared. “I killed Pink Diamond!” 

Silence. A beat. “Ridiculous.” Aquamarine whispered. “Everyone knows Rose Quartz shattered Pink Diamond!”

“Ask him how he did it!” Jasper shouted. “Ask him how it happened! He can’t tell you because he doesn’t know!” Pearl grabbed Garnet’s hand, desperately trying to get the other gem to focus on her, to look away from the terrifying display. “I did it. It was me. Let him go.”

Aquamarine stared at the two before she huffed. “I’ll just take both of you.” She flicked her wand and Jasper was flung into the ship.

“Garnet, throw me!” Pearl shouted and Garnet snapped out of it, lifting Pearl onto her hand, using all of her strength to launch her at the ship, at the rapidly closing door. Pearl closed her eyes, reaching out, pulling herself through the door, prepared to feel Aquamarine’s stasis field on her body.

“Pearl!” Jasper’s rough voice called out and Pearl raced blindly towards her. She didn’t need to see in the dim light of the ship, she didn’t need anything but the knowledge that Jasper was _there_ and they could _protect_ everyone, as long as they were Tiger’s Eye.

And suddenly she was there, standing, looking at Aquamarine and Topaz and Steven, Tiger’s Eye’s entire body crouched, ready for a fight, tensing as Aquamarine sneered at them. 

“Fusion.” She waved her wand and the stasis field activated, Tiger’s Eye struggling against the cold grip of the field. “Topaz, separate them!” Aquamarine’s eyes narrowed. “Then lock them up.”

Tiger’s Eye planted her feet, glaring at Topaz as the other fusion turned to them, releasing Steven from her heavy grip and charging towards her opponent. Tiger’s Eye roared, grappling with Topaz as the thicker gem grabbed hold of a destabilizer baton, trying to slash it through her physical form. Tiger’s Eye snarled, thick, animalistic teeth sinking into Topaz’s arm, making her yelp and try to jerk back. Steven didn’t even move, frozen in place and Tiger’s Eye couldn’t help but be grateful for that. The last thing she needed was Steven doing something that placed himself in danger.

“Topaz, just finish it!”

Tiger’s Eye didn’t know what hit her, gasping as Topaz slammed her into a wall, a thick hand around her neck, lifting her easily, despite Tiger’s Eye’s legs kicking and kneeing at her bulk. The other hand was still gripped by Tiger’s Eye and she managed to keep the destabilizer from her body, panting and gritting her teeth. 

“Topaz!” Aquamarine snapped and abruptly Topaz turned, throwing the destabilizer away.

“I _can’t_.” She whispered and Steven raced forward, grabbing Tiger’s Eye. She clutched the boy to her chest, looking up at the two Homeworld gems. Topaz was sobbing now, tears running down her face. “I can’t split them apart. I-I couldn’t imagine living without Topaz. And I just… I can’t, Aquamarine.”

“ _Pathetic_.” Aquamarine sneered, drawing her wand and using it to retrieve the destabilizer. “That’s what’s wrong with you fusions. After a time you get _sentimental_.” She raised her arm, the destabilizer whirling, turning towards Tiger’s Eye, aimed directly at her face, right between her eyes, between the two gems set in her face.

Tiger’s Eye looked up, clinging to Steven, before she closed her eyes and whispered, “It’ll be okay, Steven. I promise.”

* * *

Pearl opened her eyes and felt her heart stop.

Jasper was still, laying on the ground unconscious. Her gem had reformed, she was alive, she was fine, but she wasn’t moving. 

“Jasper.” She whispered, scrambling across the floor of her cell. She couldn’t make it to Jasper, there was a thin, charged wall between the two of them, but Pearl couldn’t cross it even if she tried. She thought of all those months ago, when Jasper had first taken her and the others captive. Was this how Sapphire and Ruby had felt, looking at one another from such a small yet cavernous distance. “Jasper, please, please, wake up!” She called, pounding her fist on the ground, trying to make some sort of noise to get the Quartz to move.

Heavy footsteps approached and Pearl turned, staring at Topaz as the fusion walked past her cell. 

“Topaz!” She called out, scrambling to look out of her cell, craning to get a glimpse of the larger gem. “Topaz, please, open the cell. Please, I need to check on Jasper!”

Topaz froze, but didn’t speak. 

“Topaz, _please_. Please, I need to see if she’s okay!”

The fusion didn’t move. 

“Please, please, just… Let me into her cell. Please. I won’t fight, I won’t run, I’ll just stay in her cell. Please.” Pearl sobbed softly, bowing her head as she clawed at the ground right beside the destabilizer field. “Topaz, please. I need to see her.”

The enormous fusion didn’t say anything, simply walked away. Pearl couldn’t restrain the wail of frustration and pain that tore itself from her chest. She knelt beside the field, staring at Jasper, calling her name over and over until her throat felt raw. 

“Jasper, Jasper, please, please, Jasper!”

The energy field dissipated and Pearl froze for a split second before she raced into the cell. The field buzzed back to life the moment Pearl’s leg crossed over it and she threw herself at Jasper’s still bulk, scrambling away from the walls, curling against Jasper’s side. 

“Jasper,” She whispered, stroking her hand over Jasper’s jaw, through her hair, clutching at the soft white strands. “Jasper, please, wake up.” She pressed a kiss to Jasper’s cool, still lips, looking over her gem carefully. There was nothing cracked or damaged, at least not that she could tell, but she was sure that the destabilizer had struck at least part of Jasper’s gem. That had to be it, there had to be a reason she wasn’t awake yet. 

“Pathetic.” Aquamarine’s voice tore through the air and Pearl froze, clinging to Jasper’s torso, looking over at the smaller gem. She was standing beside the cell, scowling at the two of them. “A Pearl and a Jasper.” She scoffed. “What are you supposed to be? An Agate?”

“No.” Pearl whispered, scowling right back at Aquamarine, clinging to Jasper as if she could protect the larger Quartz with just her will alone. “We’re Tiger’s Eye.”

Aquamarine scoffed. “And you obviously fuse outside of missions and fights. A fatal flaw of any form of fusion.” She paced a few steps. “ _Affection_. It’s a defect found in the weak and feeble-minded.” She smirked, leaning forward. “I could hardly expect anything less from _Crystal Gems_ , now could I?”

“Steven, where’s Steven?”

“There is no _Steven_ on board, goodness does the stupidity of the Quartz rub off on you? Not like Pearls have much intelligence on their own anyway.” Aquamarine snickered. “Rose Quartz is in a private cell, away from you two, can’t have you conspiring against us, now can we?” Her little water wings spread and Aquamarine scoffed, fluttering up to hover over the cell. “We’ll be arriving soon. Make sure that the Quartz is awake, or I’ll wake her up myself.”

Pearl turned to look down at Jasper, not even paying Aquamarine another second of attention as she clung to Jasper, whispering to her quietly. “Jasper, Jasper, wake up, wake up, we can do this. We can do this together.” Pearl kissed Jasper’s lips softly, like waking a princess in a fairy tale. “Jasper, please… _Please_.”

Their gems began to glow and Pearl gasped, looking at Jasper’s face as yellow eyes flickered and opened, squinting into the air, breathing deeply. Her hand reached up to cup Pearl’s face and in a moment they had melded together, fusing at their very cores.

They were safe as Tiger’s Eye. They could do this. They could face the Diamonds like this. Without one another… Without that safety… They wouldn’t make it. They couldn’t protect Steven as individuals. They could protect him like this.

They had to.


	21. I Would Even Learn How To Love (3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No.” Jasper growled, and in a moment she and Pearl had fused, a desperate, last ditch attempt trying to protect Pearl from the Zircon and the approaching wand. 
> 
> “I’m sorry,” The Zircon whispered. “I just want to know the truth.” And she launched the destabilizer wand into their chest.

Tiger’s Eye stood, her hands cuffed with a stasis field, waiting for her trial. Steven was nearby, to be tried immediately after. That was the way of thing. The lower ranked defendant would be tried first. Their testimony used to condemn their superior. 

“Defending a _rebel_? Isn’t that _treason_?” The yellow Zircon asked, the blue Zircon bristling at that.

“I was _assigned_ to this.” The blue Zircon hissed.

“Focus.” Tiger’s Eye snapped, glaring at the blue Zircon. “Do your fucking job and this will all be over soon.”

Yellow and Blue Pearl arrived, heralding their Diamonds.

“All rise for the luminous Yellow Diamond!”

“And the lustrous Blue Diamond.”

A flurry of salutes from the Zircons, and Tiger’s Eye refused to move, refused to look at Steven. If she looked at him she would waver. The two Diamonds warped in, and they turned their piercing gazes to Tiger’s Eye, then frowned, looking around. 

“Where is Rose Quartz?” Blue Diamond asked, her fury rising. 

Steven raised his shirt, showing his gem to the two Diamonds. “ _That_ is Rose Quartz?” Yellow Diamond snapped, glaring at him. “Forget the trial, we should shatter her just for taking that hideous form!”

“No!” Blue Diamond said firmly, resting her hand upon her companion’s arm and Yellow Diamond hesitated. “I want to hear the case made. I want to know what she thinks we’re going to do to her, just so that I can do something _worse_.”

Tiger’s Eye tilted her chin, nothing but pride in her gaze as she stared at the Diamonds, leaders that her components had served so loyally before all of this.

“Well, yes, first we are here to place Tiger’s Eye on trial.” The blue Zircon muttered nervously, looking up at the Diamonds. 

“Fine.” Yellow Diamond gritted out, sitting in her throne while Blue Diamond sat in her own. “Continue.”

“My Diamond,” The yellow Zircon began. “My brilliant, radiant, glimmering, opulent-”

“My Diamond will do or we will never get through this,” Yellow Diamond snapped, glaring down at the Zircon in annoyance. 

“Yes, excellent, My Diamond,” The Zircon continued. “Before you stands an abomination that Rose Quartz not only encouraged, but was directly responsible for. Before you stands two traitors, fused together into what it calls itself, Tiger’s Eye. But this is not a Tiger’s Eye as you and I would believe, oh no,” The Zircon summoned a destabilizer baton, one of a different construct, and Tiger’s Eye froze, trembling and rearing back as the Zircon brandished it.

“What are you doing?” Steven shouted, trying to move forward, only for the stasis field to prevent him. “Stop! Leave them alone!”

“May I introduce My Diamonds,” The Zircon wedged the baton into the space between Tiger’s Eye’s gems.

Tiger’s Eye screamed, an ear-shattering sound as her form broke apart, forcibly ripped into two. 

Jasper and Pearl fell to the ground, gasping and panting, Jasper convulsing from the shocks of the destabilizer, her eyes rolled back and her mouth gaping silently, unable to breathe or scream from the pain.

“Jasper!” Steven’s voice called out and Pearl grabbed at the large Quartz as Steven shouted and tried to move, only to be held in place. 

“Jasper, Facet 9, Cut 2B9, and none other than Pink Diamond’s own Pearl.”

Yellow Diamond’s eyes flickered and Blue Diamond’s widened as they stared at the two gems, Pearl still clinging to Jasper as she stared up at the Diamonds, her attention split between them and the yellow Zircon, still idly twirling the separation tool. 

“As you can see, My Diamonds, what occurred here with Pink Diamond was not only an assassination by Rose Quartz, but involved two other co-conspirators, her Pearl, and her own guard, Jasper, who then proceeded to _continue_ to fight the war, to gain rank and prestige, and eventually return to Homeworld.”

Jasper rolled onto her knees, her palms planted flat on the ground as she panted and wheezed, Pearl gripping her arm firmly, trying to give her some sort of support. 

“And who better to ensure that her Diamond was alone and vulnerable than her Pearl? A conniving, wicked creature that has made herself a reputation on the battlefield as a renegade! Belonging to no one, is what she claimed, even before her Diamond’s death!”

“Shut up!” Jasper wheezed, struggling to her feet, protectively placing herself in front of Pearl. “She didn’t do it. It was me. I killed Pink Diamond.”

“Which brings us to the other conspirator of this entire murder.” The yellow Zircon smirked. “Or perhaps she was the true murder weapon. You, of course, were a highly decorated soldier in your time, weren’t you, Cut 2B9?”

Jasper gritted her teeth. “Yes.”

“You were even given the mission to Earth, a top secret mission that no one even knew existed, until you failed to return from it.”

“Yes.” 

“Do you deny that your first war was fought under the service of Pink Diamond?”

“No.”

“And you were her personal guard, her closest tactical confidant?”

“Yes.”

“So when Rose Quartz arrived, did you beg for the chance to shatter your Diamond?”

Jasper felt something in her heart clench as she shook her head. “No.”

“Jasper, don’t answer her,” Pearl whispered, clutching at Jasper’s arm.

“Did Rose Quartz raise her sword and fail to follow through?”

“No.” Jasper hung her head. 

“So how was she killed, Cut 2B9?”

“I shattered her with my bare hands.” Jasper bit out, staring at the Diamonds above her. “I shattered Pink Diamond with my bare hands.”

There was silence and the entire room was still. 

“ _Liar_.” Blue Diamond hissed, tears rolling down her face, causing the other gems to begin to cry as well. “She was shattered with a _sword_! With Rose Quartzes sword!”

“It… It can’t shatter.” Steven said, staring at the court, silent as he stared at Jasper and Pearl. “Rose Quartz’s sword can… Destroy a physical form, but it can’t shatter a gem. Bismuth, she made the sword, and she told me that. And she would know.”

Pearl stared at Steven, her eyes brimming with tears and she turned her face away.

“Well, why don’t we confirm this story with the Pearl?” The blue Zircon suggested, quiet and timid unlike her opponent. 

“What?” Blue Diamond asked, blinking down at the Zircon. 

“Pearls have a perfect memory, they can recall entire scenes in great detail and their memories are not subjected to tampering, corruption over time, or degrading.” 

“No,” Jasper whispered, standing in front of Pearl, struggling to remain between her and the other members of the trial. “No, don’t!”

“Do it.” Yellow Diamond ordered and the blue Zircon took the destabilizer wand from the yellow Zircon, she adjusted a few settings and then turned to Jasper and Pearl, the two stepping away from her.

“No.” Jasper growled, and in a moment she and Pearl had fused, a desperate, last ditch attempt trying to protect Pearl from the Zircon and the approaching wand. 

“I’m sorry,” The Zircon whispered. “I just want to know the truth.” And she launched the destabilizer wand into their chest.

Tiger’s Eye fell to her knees, her head thrown back and her eyes burning as they flew open. Pearl’s gem projected her memories and Tiger’s Eye was helpless to do anything but watch and listen to her own voice recount dialogue.

Memories of Pearl and Jasper kissing. Memories of Tiger’s Eye first forming. Memories of Steven. Memories of Rose Quartz talking to her, telling her she’s going to have a baby. Memories of telling Buddy Budwick all the places he should avoid. Memories of Rose Quartz taking Pink Diamond’s ship and abandoning it in a hidden location. Memories of Amethyst emerging, late and small and curious. Memories of the bright light, of everyone afterwards being corrupted or destroyed. Memories of Garnet forming and stumbling onto Pearl and Rose Quartz. 

And then there it was. 

Pearl standing before Pink Diamond, holding Rose Quartz’s sword in her thin arms. 

“And then we'll be done. It's going to be easy!” Pink Diamond said, though the words were spoken in Tiger’s Eye’s voice.

* * *

“There's got to be another way. I mean, maybe-” Pearl whispered, nervously.

“Blue and Yellow don't care; they never have. This is Pink Diamond's colony. We can end it all right here, right now.” Pink Diamond smiled at her Pearl.

“You know this is crazy, right?” Pink Diamond nodded, smiling at Pearl encouragingly. “ _Your_ status, _my_ purpose. None of it will matter anymore.” Pink Diamond pressed her hands to her flushed cheeks, smiling even more broadly. “This will change everything.”

“I know! Isn't it exciting?!” Pink Diamond knelt in front of Pearl, looking at her, smiling broadly.

“It is.” Pearl whispered, flushing and looking at her Diamond, clutching Rose Quartz’s sword.

“We can leave our old lives behind. If this is really my world, I want to give it to the Crystal Gems. I want to live here with human beings! I wanna live here with _you_! We'll both finally be free!” Pink Diamond rested her hands upon Pearl’s shoulders, cupping her face gently.

Pearl took a deep breath, her fingers clutching the handle of the sword tightly, “Okay. I'm ready.”

“Pearl!” Pink Diamond laughed, jumping up and down as she clapped her hands, excited glee.

“I can’t believe I’m going to do this,” Pearl whispered, shaking her head. 

“I can't exactly shatter myself.” Pink Diamond laughed, turning to crouch right at the edge of the palanquin. She returned with a fistful of dirt and one of the hibiscus flowers. She tucked the flower into Pearl’s hair, tracing her fingers gently over her face, her chin, smiling before she clenched her fist, forming diamond shards from the dirt. “Convincing?”

Pearl pulled back slightly, “Very much so, My Diamond.”

“Soon it will be just _Rose_.” Pink Diamond sighed happily, smiling down at Pearl. Pearl nodded, steeling herself as she began to pull the blade from it’s sheath. “Wait! There's one last thing I need to do.”

“Yes?” Pearl asked softly, returning the sword to its sheath. 

“No one can ever find out we did this. I never want to look back.” Pink Diamond’s fingers reached out, gentle and soft, the hands of a lover, and they folded Pearl’s hands over her mouth. “So, for my last order to you as a Diamond, please, let's never speak of this again. No one can know.”

Pearl nodded, steeled herself, shape shifting into Rose Quartz’s form, drawing her sword and following Pink Diamond outside her Palanquin, in full view of her court. 

She cut down Pink Diamond, clutching her gem in her hand as shards rained down onto the ground. Jasper’s voice screamed in the background, calling for her Diamond and Pearl turned, holding her disguise, making eye contact with Jasper before she ran.

* * *

The hologram ended, Tiger’s Eye stared into the air, panting and shaking, her form tense and heavy before she collapsed onto her side.

“Tiger’s Eye!” Steven called, scrambling over, racing to her side, the stasis field dropping around him.

“Oh, _Pink_ ,” Blue Diamond whispered, all but falling off of her throne, kneeling down and staring at Steven as Yellow Diamond followed, the two Zircons and Pearls stumbling away, staring at the sight before them. “Pink, why didn’t you tell us?”

Steven looked at her and Tiger’s Eye felt an ache in her heart at the look of utter betrayal. “I never even knew.”


	22. When I See The Way You Look

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Tiger’s Eye,” Steven called out and the fusion turned, smiling at him gently. 
> 
> “Yes?”
> 
> “I’m still upset.” He whispered, staring at her. “But thank you.”

“Steven… Please.” Tiger’s Eye whispered, resting her head on the door to Pink Diamond’s quarters. Not Steven’s quarters. She refused to believe that he’d be stuck here forever. He didn’t belong on Homeworld, he belonged on Earth. _They_ belonged on Earth. “Please, Steven, just let me explain.”

“I don’t want to talk to you!” Steven shouted through the door. “You lied to me! You lied to everyone! Both of you!”

“We didn’t want to tell you until you were older. We didn’t think it mattered whether you knew now or later!” Tiger’s Eye called, sighing as she rested her hand on the access panel of the door. 

“You let me believe that my mother was a hero! But she wasn’t! She left me behind to deal with her own mistakes, and you didn’t even have the decency to tell me the _truth_!”

Steven struck the door and Tiger’s Eye pulled back abruptly, sighing as she looked at the door. “I’m sorry, Steven. I… I just wanted to protect you.”

“Just leave me alone! I don’t want to talk to you!”

Tiger’s Eye sighed, closing her eyes against the hurt. “That’s okay.” She said softly. “I’ll come back in a bit, okay?” She reached up to Pearl’s gem and summoned a bag of Chaps, placing it next to the door. “Here’s some food for you. I’ll be back.”

She heard the door whoosh open, then closed, as she walked along the hallway, making her way through the halls quietly. There was an aching familiarity inside her, both from Pearl’s memories and Jasper’s. How long had it really been since she had been here? In Pink Diamond’s wing? Jasper had been on Homeworld, had been in Yellow Diamond’s wing, but she had avoided Pink Diamond’s empty, quiet quarters. But now… Now it was bustling. Servants cleaning, dusting, repairing the enormous rooms. 

It felt so empty, even now, and Tiger’s Eye sighed as she walked past skittering Rubies and Rose Quartzes and Tourmalines and Amethysts and Jaspers, all working to repair and clean up and freshen up the entire wing. A few of the gems stared and whispered at the sight of her, others would bow or curtsy or salute her as she passed. A few of them sneered, but none approached her or tried to stop her as she made her way to Pink Diamond’s private office. No one would dare stop her, not with the knowledge that she was Pink Diamond’s servant and body guard.

Tiger’s Eye came upon the office and entered in a code that she recalled from millennia ago, laughing slightly when the doors opened. Even the Diamonds, in all their sternness and scolding of “Pink” had given in to sentimentality, the same as any other gem. 

She sat down in Pink Diamond’s chair and stared at the screen, quietly closing her eyes, remembering the last time she had sat here, when Pink Diamond had laughed and delighted in the knowledge that she would soon have her own colony. 

She breathed deeply then reached out, using Pink Diamond’s access codes, and pulled up a communication. She could reach the wailing stone, and with Greg’s help the other gems would be able to access the message.

* * *

“Steven?” Tiger’s Eye called, smiling as she overrode the door, opening it. “Steven, I have someone here to see you.”

“Steven!” Connie called out, unable to contain her excitement as she raced into the room, Amethyst and Garnet following. They froze at the sight of Steven standing beside the window, dressed in Pink Diamond’s puffy clothing and bobbled shoes, he had even fluffed and styled his hair to resemble hers a bit more, even as the black colouring remained.

“Connie! Garnet! Amethyst!” Steven called, hugging his friend and then his other guardians, clinging to them tightly.

All the emotion of the last few days poured out at the sight of his friends. Tiger’s Eye held back, she was certain that Steven didn’t want to speak with her, but that was alright. She smiled as Connie hugged Steven tightly, her face tucked to his temple. 

“We were so _worried_ , Steven.” She sighed, clinging to him tightly and Steven hugged her back, the two of them sinking to the ground and crying quietly together. Garnet and Amethyst gently moved until Steven and Connie were nestled in their arms, the group of them letting their emotions out as they all breathed and enjoyed the warmth of comfort and contact. 

“Tiger’s Eye,” Steven called out and the fusion turned, smiling at him gently. 

“Yes?”

“I’m still upset.” He whispered, staring at her. “But thank you.”

Tiger’s Eye smiled, walking over to hug Steven briefly, firmly, before she released him. “I deserve it. I lied to you for a very long.” She smiled and gave his forehead a kiss. “When you want to talk about everything, I’m here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can tell that this was the hardest chapter to write.


	23. Shaken By How Long It Took

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What the hell?” She asked, grunting as she rubbed her head. She wasn’t in White Diamond’s head, she wasn’t even on Homeworld.
> 
> “We won?” She asked hoarsely, staring up into the blue of the Earth’s sky, past the statue of Rose Quartz that stood over her fountain.
> 
> “Even better,” Steven smiled. “We changed their minds.”

“Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” White Diamond forced Yellow Diamond and Blue Diamond to lift their hands, shushing Steven and the other gems as they stood before her. Jasper and Pearl flinched, turning to flank Steven and Connie, Jasper protectively standing between them and the Diamonds. White Diamond sighed, looking down at the gathered Crystal Gems before turning her attention to the two Diamonds, sucked of all their colour and life and _being_ beside White Diamond’s throne. “Poor Yellow. Her impurities absorb all the blue in her light. She's so strong... But so weak when it comes to Blue. Ah, and Blue, her impurities soak up all of the warmth in her spectrum. She thinks she needs you, Pink.” White Diamond’s eyes turned to Steven and they narrowed, her dark lashes framing the blinding white of her gaze. “As for me, I'm certain I don't need you. After all, I'm every color of the light.” She sighed and frowned. “But you're a part of me; the part I always have to repress.”

“Wh-what?” Steven asked, flinching back from White Diamond.

Amethyst brandished her whip, snarling at White Diamond’s sneering face. “Dude, what is she even talking about? This is nonsense!”

White Diamond laughed, grinning down at Amethyst and Jasper felt her heart stop at the sight, at the intention in White Diamond’s gaze. “Oh! Hello there! Your new friends are so funny. Is that what they're supposed to be? Funny?” She pointed her finger towards Amethyst and Jasper turned, shoving Connie and Amethyst out of the way.

The bolt meant for Amethyst struck her and Jasper roared in pain, her head thrown back, frozen in place as she stood, her legs spread, her back ramrod straight and her arms hanging limp at her sides. 

“Amethyst!” Pearl called out, turning, only to freeze when she saw Jasper. “Jasper…” She whispered, nearly dropping her trident.

“No!” Steven shouted and Jasper could feel her mind going blank, her eyes contracting as everything about her went cold, hard, and heavy. The weight of White Diamond’s consciousness pressing against hers, insistent and heavy, like the weight of a vast ocean centralized upon her own mind, erasing everything slowly.

“Leave her alone!” Another flash of light. Then another. And another. And Jasper couldn’t stop it. 

“Stop!” She couldn’t save Steven, or the others. She couldn’t even save herself. All of her prodigious strength and White Diamond still overpowered her so easily.

“It's a pity, the way you bring out the worst in others.” White Diamond sighed. “See how you've encouraged their deficiencies? It's written all over their gems: insecure, dependent, obsessed, delusional.” Jasper felt herself turning but she couldn’t see anything, couldn’t hear anything, not even her own steps, not even Steven’s voice. “Please stop helping them. You'll only make things worse; that's what you do. I make things better. Here!”

She could feel her mouth moving, but it wasn’t her voice that came out. “Oh, thank you, White Diamond, I feel excellent now! Oh, thank you. How generous of you. Thank you, White Diamond. We feel so much better now. I feel excellent!” Jasper felt like vomiting, felt burning bile fill her mouth, rising from her throat.

White Diamond laughed, a cruel, joyless noise. “There we are! I've removed their flaws! Now there is nothing to hinder my white light from sparking through them. I'd rather not spread my uninhibited self so thin, you know, but you've made it absolutely necessary. Now, the impurities you've encouraged in them are gone. Now, they are brilliant! Now, they are perfect! Now... they are me!”

And then there was nothing.

* * *

“Guys!”

Jasper blinked and looked over and Steven was racing towards her, Connie too, the two of them leaping into Jasper’s arms, Pearl and Amethyst and Garnet all hugging her as well, her arms easily engulfing the group as she looked around. 

“What the hell?” She asked, grunting as she rubbed her head. She wasn’t in White Diamond’s head, she wasn’t even on Homeworld.

“We won?” She asked hoarsely, staring up into the blue of the Earth’s sky, past the statue of Rose Quartz that stood over her fountain.

“Even better,” Steven smiled. “We changed their minds.”

Jasper sighed, laying in the fountain and smiled, clinging to her small family, feeling tears roll down her cheeks. “Of course you did. If anyone could, it was you, Steven.”

“Jasper,” Pearl whispered, tilting Jasper’s face, the two of them kissing deeply, slowly, and she smiled as Jasper returned the kiss, clinging to Pearl’s smaller frame. The other gems laughed and hollered, but when Pearl pulled back Jasper had eyes for no one but her. “Marry me?” She asked, smiling. “I want a silly human wedding and a ceremony and a reception and I want us to fuse, together, forever.”

Jasper felt tears roll down her cheeks all over again, smiling and kissing Pearl. “I thought that I’d be the one to ask you that.”

Pearl gave a watery laugh and kissed Jasper back, her arms wrapped around Jasper’s neck, holding her close. “You shouldn’t have been so slow, then!”


	24. I Could Do About Anything (4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Come on, Jasper, this is your song!” Sadie laughed, dragging the gem onto the stage. 
> 
> “I… I never wrote a song.” She grunts.
> 
> “Well no, you didn’t, but this was still your favourite! You request it every show!”

Jasper reformed and grunted as she landed heavily on her feet in the wooden construction.

She glanced around and then her eyes focused on Pink Diamond, wearing a strange new form, disguised as a human, but still _her_ Diamond. 

“My Diamond!” She saluted, awaiting her orders.

“J-Jasper?” Pink Diamond froze, staring at her. “Jasper, what’s going on, what’s wrong?”

Jasper frowned, looking around, protectively placing a hand in front of Pink Diamond when she heard the sound of a Pearl forming, the holographic shell appearing in the air around the gemstone.

“Please identify yourself.” The shell said, and Jasper grunted, straightening and looking at her Diamond, only for him to look helplessly up at her. 

“Can… Can you do it?” Steven asked softly and Jasper’s eyes widened. Her Diamond felt her worthy of having a _Pearl_? Her own Pearl?

“J-Jasper, Facet 9, Cut 2B9.” Jasper said quickly, looking at the shell. 

“Greetings, Jasper, please state preferred customization settings.”

“I - I… I don’t know.” Jasper stuttered, startled and taken aback.

“Default settings selected. Please wait.”

The Pearl that formed was a familiar silhouette and Jasper couldn’t help but stare, her eyes wide and shocked at the sight of the delicate silks of the Pearl’s clothing, her perfectly sculpted little features. She was _beautiful_. And she was _Jasper’s_.

“How do you do, My Jasper?” She sang sweetly, smiling up at Jasper. “Thank you for bringing me into the world! I am at your eternal service. Welcome to your new Pearl!”

* * *

Jasper sat with Pearl watching the human “rock show” being set up, Greg Universe working with a clumsy but helpful Garnet helping him unload equipment and set up wires, laughing and giggling as she stumbled about, getting used to being a fusion. 

“Disgusting.” Jasper growled, glaring at the fusion. “Just… _Flaunting_ that shameless display!”

Pearl flushed, sitting beside Jasper, her legs folded easily under her body. “Y-you know…” Pearl started, faltered, hesitated. “Oh, it’s a silly thought, My Jasper, but I… I keep… Imagining that perhaps…” Jasper looked down at her Pearl, blinking at her. “It’s nothing. Just a silly thought.”

“Tell me,” Jasper said firmly. “Your thoughts aren’t silly. You should tell me.”

Pearl flushed, the soft blue across her cheeks making Jasper want to lean in and brush her mouth against that flush to taste it. No. Not taste. That wasn’t the word. “I think… I imagine us… Doing that. Garnet looks very happy. And I wonder if… I wonder if perhaps you and I would feel that.”

They were secluded where they were, and no one would see if Jasper performed a small… Indiscretion… With her Pearl.

That was the only reason she leaned in and placed her mouth against Pearl’s own lips, cupping her face, drawing her close, and Pearl gasped, shivering at the touch. They pressed close, Jasper’s arms wrapping around Pearl and feeling thin arms clinging to Jasper’s neck. She was so small, so frail. Jasper could easily crush her like a cheap toy in her grip if she so wished. Instead she brushed her hands over Pearl’s delicate neck, her shoulders, her back, her broad palm cupping a narrow hip, holding Pearl close as if she might never let her go.

“M-my Jasper,” Pearl gasped, stuttering, tilting her head back. Jasper ducked her head, licking and sucking at Pearl’s neck, over her collarbones, over the fine edge of her outfit’s low neckline. “O-oh, my Jasper.” She moaned softly, melting into Jasper’s arms, stroking over her thick neck, strong jaw, into her wildly untamed hair, gripping at the strands tightly. 

Jasper shivered at the feeling, growling as something hungry and animalistic rose in her, an urge to kiss and bite and mark and claim and _own_ every inch of Pearl’s body, 

“Mine,” Jasper growled, biting at Pearl’s delicate neck. Hard enough that Pearl gasped and squirmed, but not enough to make her pull away, if anything, the way her body pressed against Jasper’s more firmly made Jasper growl and press even closer. “You’re mine.”

“Yes, yes, I’m yours.” Pearl echoed, whimpering and biting at her own lower lip, wrapping her legs around Jasper’s waist as much as she could, her heels not even touching across the large Quartz’s back. 

Jasper couldn’t tell why that sounded wrong, why it struck something inside her, but she was quick to push that thought away, consumed with only the feeling and sensation of Pearl beneath her. She was vulnerable and delicate and small and _perfect_ for Jasper’s broad hands to man-handle and draw close and possessively grip as her mouth explored every available inch of Pearl’s body. Her neck, shoulders, arms, even the bits of her legs not covered by clothing, Jasper nipped and licked and sucked at, making Pearl shiver and whimper at the sight.

Pearl shivered, staring at the large Quartz, biting her lower lip at the rush of _power_ she felt at the sight of Jasper kneeling before her, all wide, hungry eyes, starving for _her_ for something that Pearl could offer.

“Jasper? Pearl? Where are you?”

Greg Universe’s voice cuts through the two of them and Jasper pulls back, letting Pearl slide out of her grip, Pearl clearing her throat and straightening her skirt. They are presentable when Greg stumbles across them, but Pearl can’t help but feel like something she hadn’t known she was missing was sliding away from her, something quiet and deep that had been transferred into her body through Jasper’s kiss.

She ignored it. 

Pearls were made to obey and please their owners.

* * *

“Come on, Jasper, this is your song!” Sadie laughed, dragging the gem onto the stage. 

“I… I never wrote a song.” She grunts.

“Well no, you didn’t, but this was still your favourite! You request it every show!” Sadie shouted over the screaming crowd, the mic pulled away from her mouth. Jasper looks so confused, but Pearl smiled and claps, jumping up and down despite the confusion inside her. Pearls are meant to entertain and sing for their owners, not the other way around.

Sadie laughed, grinning up at Jasper as she began to sing. “Thank you thank you thank you!” Sadie’s simpering voice called out, turning harsh with each thanks. “Thank you for _gracing_ me with your presence!”

Pearl watched as Jasper blinked, staring at Sadie, listening to her sing as she stood stock still. “Good afternoon, sir. What can I do, sir? Just say the word, sir! Anything for you, sir!” Sadie turned to drag Jasper closer and Jasper began to nod alongside the girl, crouched down to her level, watching her face with an intensity that Pearl wonders what it might mean. “Your friends all say, sir, you don't deserve her. I disagree, sir! I live to serve, sir!” 

Something in Jasper snapped when Sadie leaned in, their foreheads pressed together, combative and aggressive, Jasper’s gem nearly pressed to Sadie’s. “I think about all the wasted time I spent!” Jasper sang and Pearl felt her heart leap. “I wanna be! Disobedient!” Jasper’s voice was husky and deep and rasping, a heavy scream in the microphone. “I shoot awake wondering where my summers went! I wanna be! Disobedient! Disobedient, disobedient!”

Sadie continued on with the song, but now Jasper was awakened by… Something Pearl was worried about, staring at her, wondering why her Jasper looked at her in shock and with a pain in her gaze. She stood on the stage her eyes fixed on Pearl despite the crowds of humans and gems mingled together on the milling, roiling dance floor. When Sadie turned to Jasper for the chorus of the song, Jasper becoming more energetic, more determined. When Sadie passed her the mic for the final verse of the song Jasper froze before she sang, closing her eyes.

“I want to be… Disobedient. I want to be Disobedient. Disobedient, disobedient. Disobedient!”

Pearl shivered, staring up at Jasper and clapping her hands politely as the room erupted into cheers. Jasper turned to Sadie and the other Suspects, pulling them close in a huddle before she turned back to the stage, stepping forward on her own.

“I… I wrote this song. And I’d like to dedicate it to Pearl.”

She shuffled, fumbled with the mic. Pearl watched curiously. She was more nervous about this song than the other song, despite very clearly enjoying the other song, if what Sadie said about it being her favourite was true.

Jasper fumbled with her fingers before she clenched her fist tightly. A soft, lilting song, very different than what the Sadie Killer and the Suspects had played the rest of the evening began to play. Jasper cleared her throat slightly, breathing deeply before she looked at Pearl directly. “If I could begin to be… Half of what you think of me… I would do about anything. I would even learn how to love…” 

Pearl felt something inside her heart crack at the mournful sound of her voice. It was still husky and low, but it was softer than before. Not the heavy scream of before, this was intimate. It was a soft, vulnerable part of Jasper that she was so very clearly scared of sharing here, in front of a crowd.

“When I see the way you act… Wondering when I’m coming back… I could do about anything, I could even learn how to love… Like you.” Jasper looked at Pearl and there was something that she needed to understand, to know, to hear about this gentle, vulnerable part of her.

The song picked up and Jasper’s voice cracked as she spoke. “I always thought I might be bad, now I’m sure that it’s true.” She trembled as she stared at Pearl. “’Cause I think you’re so good… And I’m nothing like you.”

There it was. Pearl froze, staring at Jasper, realization crawling across her mind as she listened to Jasper sing, memories flooding back like a meteor shower. 

“Look at you go, I just adore you.” Jasper smiled at Pearl, continuing the song while Pearl climbed onto the stage, grinning at her. “I wish that I knew…” Jasper looked nervous as she held out her hand to Pearl, drawing her close, turning her in a gentle spin. “What makes you think I’m so special?” Pearl turned in Jasper’s arms, endlessly, like a ballerina in a music box. “If I could… Begin to do… Something that does right by you. I would do about anything. I would even learn how to love… Like you.” 

Pearl turned and looked up at Jasper, her hands resting on the larger gem’s shoulders.

Jasper ducked her head, smiling as she held Pearl close. “When I see the way you look… Shaken by how long it took. I could do about anything… I could even learn how to love like you.”


	25. I Could Even Learn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you think I’m broken?” She asked softly, looking at Jasper, her eyes wide and concerned and scared despite the smile on her face. “That… I need to go there?”
> 
> “No,” Jasper said simply, shrugging. “I think you’re scared. I think that you don’t know what to do with _freedom_. Real freedom. Pearl, My Pearl, is used to it. I sometimes forget that not all Pearls are as confident in what they want, how they want to spend their lives, as she does.”
> 
> “She’s your Pearl?” Pink Pearl asked in surprise. 
> 
> Jasper laughed, knocking the ball back to Pink Pearl. “Not the way you think.” She watched the smaller Pearl fumble and catch the ball. “Do you want to belong to someone?”
> 
> “I… I don’t know.” The Pearl whispered. “I’m scared, like you said.”
> 
> “Pink Diamond isn’t here anymore. Not the way you remember.” Jasper hesitated before she held out her hands for the ball, Pink Pearl tossing the ball back to Jasper. 
> 
> “What should I do?” She asked, as if Jasper held all the answers. “If she’s not here anymore.”
> 
> “I can’t answer that.”

“You knew Pink Diamond.”

Jasper jumped, the Pink Pearl looking up at her curiously. Jasper didn’t… _dislike_ the Pearl. But she was unsettling. There was something quietly repressed inside her that Jasper worried about breaking free. 

“I did.” Jasper finished packing up some of the sports equipment from the latest round of Volleyball she had played with the other Quartzes. They were always pretty violent games, and Jasper wondered if this Pearl had watched her, trying to puzzle her out in the quiet, curiously observant way that Pearls would watch those that surround them. 

“What was she like with you?”

Jasper frowned, looking down. “How about this.” She held up the volleyball and gently tossed it to the small Pearl. “You knock this over to me and I answer your question. I knock this over to you and you answer mine, how’s that?”

The Pearl blinked at her but nodded, smiling. Jasper didn’t bother with the nets, those had been long taken down, so she just waited for the Pink Pearl to knock the ball. It took a bit, with her depth perception off with just one, but she managed it. 

“Pink Diamond was a careless child when we first met.” Jasper said simply, bluntly, holding the ball in her hand. “I was just so blinded by obedience, by my desire to be a good, loyal soldier, to prove myself to her, to realize it.” She knocked the ball over to the Pink Pearl. “Why did you go to Steven and not to the Reef?”

“Because I… I don’t want to go.” Pink Pearl said simply, knocking the ball back.

“That’s not an answer.” Jasper said, holding the ball.

“I know.” Pink Pearl whispered, wringing her fingers. “I’m scared to go to the Reef. What if it… What if it realizes I’m no good?”

“I can go with you.” Jasper said simply. “I get the feeling Pearl might not like going there, but I can take you.” She held the ball.

“Do you think I’m broken?” She asked softly, looking at Jasper, her eyes wide and concerned and scared despite the smile on her face. “That… I need to go there?”

“No,” Jasper said simply, shrugging. “I think you’re scared. I think that you don’t know what to do with _freedom_. Real freedom. Pearl, My Pearl, is used to it. I sometimes forget that not all Pearls are as confident in what they want, how they want to spend their lives, as she does.”

“She’s your Pearl?” Pink Pearl asked in surprise. 

Jasper laughed, knocking the ball back to Pink Pearl. “Not the way you think.” She watched the smaller Pearl fumble and catch the ball. “Do you want to belong to someone?”

“I… I don’t know.” The Pearl whispered. “I’m scared, like you said.”

“Pink Diamond isn’t here anymore. Not the way you remember.” Jasper hesitated before she held out her hands for the ball, Pink Pearl tossing the ball back to Jasper. 

“What should I do?” She asked, as if Jasper held all the answers. “If she’s not here anymore.”

“I can’t answer that.” Jasper said simply, knocking the ball back. “But if you want help, you just need to ask for it. I can get you a house in Little Homeworld. Help enroll you.”

“… Steven doesn’t want me here.” Pink Pearl whispered, looking down at the ball in her hands. “He… Doesn’t like me.”

Jasper sighed, walking over to the Pearl and taking the ball from her hands. Pink Pearl looked up at her, eyes wide and Jasper smiled. “You remind him of his mother, and all the ways she failed the people she was supposed to protect.” She sighed. “Just… Give him some time.”

Pink Pearl was quiet before she nodded and whispered. “I’d… I’d like to go to the reef. To see if it can fix my eye.”

“Okay.” Jasper smiled at the Pink Pearl, holding out her hand. “Come on, let’s go find Pearl.”

* * *

Pearl was not happy.

Jasper was doing her best to ignore it, to not let the tension between her and Pearl disturb the Pink Pearl or upset her, but Pearl was very clearly jealous and upset over her sister.

“Damnit, fuck this place.” Jasper growled to herself as she placed her hand on the pedestal, trying to activate the facility. It took a few overrides, but eventually the facility hummed to life and a shell began to float before her. 

“Welcome, Jasper.”

“Great, finally.” Jasper sighed, rubbing her eyes. “I have a Pearl here in need of repair.”

“Understood. Please follow the illuminated path to the Care Center.”

Pearl grabbed Jasper’s arm while Pink Pearl followed behind the two. 

“Why didn’t you just let me take her?”

“You’re too close to this.” Jasper whispered back. “Besides, I don’t trust Pearls alone at the Reef. This place has a mind of it’s own.”

Pearl scoffed. “I can handle it.” Her eyes flickered to the hallway boutique, little accessories and holograms of Pearls holding various items. “I’ve handled worse.”

“Oh!” Pink Pearl squeaked and Jasper turned sharply, her helm activating about her head. “Look at these darling fans!”

Jasper let out a sigh and laughed. “Very cute.” She nudged Pink Pearl towards the hallway. “Why don’t you walk in front, huh?”

“Want something nicer to look at?” Pearl grumbled to Jasper and Jasper sighed. 

“She really does bring out the worst in you. Without even trying.” Jasper murmured and Pearl scowled at her. 

“Right, nothing like looking at glitchy tchotchkes to get me nostalgic for a simpler time where there wasn’t supposed to be a thought in my pretty little head.”

“Don’t be snide, it doesn’t suit you.” Jasper gave Pearl’s waist a squeeze. “And we’re not here for you, remember, we’re here to help Pink Pearl.”

“Oh! What a sweet little ribbon wand! It’s just like mine!” Jasper watched the Pearl draw a pink ribbon wand from her gem, twirling it around elegantly. As unimpressed as she was, she still made an appropriate sound. “Pink Diamond got it for me.” Pink Pearl gave Pearl a glance. “What did she get _you_?”

Pearl’s face flushed blue and Jasper placed her hand on Pearl’s waist more firmly. “Well, it’s sweet that you have these little keepsakes. No need to be overly attached, however.” She reached out, causing Pink Pearl to flinch back, clutching her ribbon wand close, and Jasper growled, grasping Pearl’s wrist. 

“Pearl, be nice.” She whispered, leading the two Pearls through the hallway.

“ _Fine_.”

Jasper was relieved to hear the shell’s voice announcing, “Welcome to the Care Center.”

“Perfect, great, fine,” Jasper sighed, nudging Pink Pearl towards the diagnostic panel. “Please fix her so we can get out of this hell.” She muttered to the shell, hoping that Pink Pearl didn’t hear.

The scan brushed over Pink Pearl’s entire body, much too quick for Jasper’s liking, but nothing changed. “I am sorry, there is nothing to be done.” The shell said simply.

“What?” Jasper asked. “That’s it?”

“Her physical form shows no damage, but her Pearl is perfectly fine. This injury must have been so impactful it continues to manifest despite the fact that her pearl is flawless.”

Jasper froze, staring at Pink Pearl, then at her Pearl. “Fine… Okay… We’ll figure something else out.”

“How careless of White,” Pearl scoffed, glaring at nothing in particular. 

Pink Pearl laughed, “Oh, Pearl, no, you’ve got it all wrong. I Pink was the one who did this.”

Pearl froze and Jasper hesitated, waiting to see if there was going to be conflict. Pearl blinked, staring at Jasper, then at Pink Pearl. “What?”

“It’s a funny story, really!” Pink Pearl’s face began to crack as she smiled widely at Pearl, her fingers wringing and trembling gently. “Once Pink got so tired of asking Yellow and Blue for her own colony. So she went straight to White.” Jasper glanced at Pearl, who was shocked to silence, staring at her pink doppleganger. “White told her that she wasn’t fit to run one. That set her off, as usual.” Pink Pearl laughed slightly. “Oh, but you remember how she was!”

“Pearl…” Pearl whispered, walking over. “What?”

“She had a scream that could crack the walls! She didn’t _mean_ to hurt me, I was just… Standing too close.”

“No!” Pearl shouted, glaring at the other Pearl. “She didn’t have destructive powers! She was a healer! She didn’t throw tantrums, she kept her feelings secret!”

“The Pink I knew couldn’t keep a secret to save her gem!” Pink Pearl said, her voice still light, but her expression faltering.

“Are you _joking_?” Pearl snapped. “She was _too_ good at keeping secrets! Even from me!”

“And that’s the _point_ , isn’t it!?” Jasper roared, glaring at the two Pearls, causing Pink Pearl to flinch and hide behind Pearl, who looked at Jasper with a glare. “Stars, look at yourselves.” Jasper sighed, gesturing to the two. “You knew two different sides of Pink Diamond. Neither of you knew exactly who she was. No one could. But she’s _gone_ now.” Jasper sighed, glaring at the two. “I understand being upset. And jealous.” Jasper whispered, her shoulders slumping. “But Steven wants everyone to _move on_. And you’re going to have to figure out your petty dislikes on your own.”

Pearl’s expression faltered and her shoulders slumped as she looked at Pink Pearl, her eyes brimming with tears. “I’m…” Her shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry. For not believing you.” She rubbed at her eyes. “It looks like I’m still making excuses for her.”

“But she didn’t mean to!” Pink Pearl sniffled, tears pouring down her one remaining eye. “She didn’t!”

“That doesn’t _matter_.” Pearl snapped, grabbing Pink Pearl’s shoulders and forcing her to meet her gaze. “She still hurt you. _Badly_!” Her hand cupped Pink Pearl’s cheek. 

“I… I was hurt.” Pink Pearl looked down, tears streaming down her face. “How… How did you stop hurting?”

Pearl sighed, drawing her pink sister close, resting her cheek on the other Pearl’s head gently. “I didn’t.”

* * *

“You never had to be jealous.” Jasper broke the silence between them and Pearl jumped, looking away from where Pink Pearl was sleeping in her new apartment. They had spent the day helping her get it set up. It was… Way more pink and frilly than Jasper ever wanted to see again, and she was sure that Pearl also was grated by the sheer amount of lace and ruffles, but they had agreed to help and help they would. “Of Pink Pearl.”

“I know.” Pearl whispered. “I just… She knew so much about Pink and I… Part of me worried that she knew about you too, in a way I didn’t know.”

“When I knew her she was White’s Pearl.” Jasper shrugged. “But she’s… Pearl, this is so new to her. She’s been essentially asleep for 8,000 years while White Diamond controlled her.” She closed the door behind her as she and Pearl left the apartment, climbing down the steps to leave Little Homeworld. “This is all very new to her. Having to reconcile a part of Pink Diamond that she never knew.”

Pearl stared at Jasper quietly, observing her face before something in her gaze softened. “You wanted to make sure that she knew she had someone in her corner.”

“Sometimes that’s all someone needs.” Jasper smiled as she pulled Pearl close. “Besides. You should know that I only have eyes for one particular Pearl.”

“Oh really?” Pearl asked, thoughtfully tapping her lower lip. “Anyone I know?”


	26. How to Love Like You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, Greg.” She whispered, smiling. “Well… You and Andy always said that we should make things official. I’m just sorry you weren’t here to see it. Not like it’s anything special, you’ve seen Tiger’s Eye before. We did it on the beach. Private, none of the others were there. It felt right that way. I know we didn’t always get along. I know that… There were a lot of things we held onto for a long time. But I’m glad that we were friends, in the end.” She sighed and closed her eyes. “We’re going to be leaving soon. You always said you wanted to come with us to explore the stars. Maybe you can come along.”

“You ready?”

“Ready.”

Jasper smiled nervously as she held out her hand to Pearl. She knew that the nerves were silly. She knew that Pearl wouldn’t second guess this. But now… She couldn’t help but worry, wonder if Pearl would regret this. Pearl had spent so long trying to define herself outside of her relationships to others. How could she ask this of her now? After a mere half a century by human standards?

“Hey,” Pearl took Jasper’s hand, smiling as she stepped into her arms. “I’m here.” She stroked her fingers over Jasper’s neck, over her shoulders, kissing her softly. “I love you.” She guided Jasper into a slow dance, simple and soft to music that didn’t exist. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Jasper relaxed, wrapping her arms around Pearl, drawing her closer. She carefully leaned close, kissing Pearl softly and guiding her into a low dip. 

Their gems glowed and Jasper breathed deeply, closing her eyes.

She could feel herself melting away, vanishing into nothing between them. Changing. Altering.

She was no longer Jasper and Pearl.

She was Tiger’s Eye.

And she would stay that way.

A deep breath, a turn, and Tiger’s Eye smiled, feeling herself settle quietly.

A laugh broke through her chest and she took off running, racing down the beach through the sand, feeling her lungs burn with the feeling, leaping and stumbling as the waves lapped at her ankles. 

She breathed deeply, standing quietly on the beach before turning and racing up the boardwalk.

Mr. Smiley had sold Funland and the Arcade to Onion, who had taken it and revitalized the business. As strange as it was to see _Onion_ as a responsible business owner, he had really done the job well. Walking along the boardwalk she watched the machines being turned off, lights going off. Onion was nowhere to be seen, but that was alright, you could tell he was doing his job well.

Bixbite had taken over Fish Stew Pizza, she had become practically another child to Koffi, and she delighted in working with her grand nieces and nephews after Kiki and Jenny had retired. She was currently chattering away with one of her nephew’s, telling him some story from her glory days or other, the teenager smiling fondly at his gem Auntie.

Tiger’s Eye smiled as she walked through the town, peering at familiar buildings. Some had changed, been sold to new owners or donated to Little Homeworld. There were gem structures standing alongside human ones and Tiger’s Eye let her gaze linger on the town quietly as she wandered, enjoying herself and her new future that she could practically see for herself.

She paused as she came up to the Memorial. 

It was an enormous spherical building made from thick tempered glass. Jasper stepped inside, smiling at the various bubbles floating within, shattered gems that couldn’t be repairs, or who had wishes to not be revived. Human friends and family that had passed, their ashes contained within carefully formed glass bubbles. She sighed and sat down, eyes level with one particular bubble, lifting her hand to lightly coax the bubble closer, the blue and purple glass within swirling and turning gently in her grip.

“Hey, Greg.” She whispered, smiling. “Well… You and Andy always said that we should make things official. I’m just sorry you weren’t here to see it. Not like it’s anything special, you’ve seen Tiger’s Eye before. We did it on the beach. Private, none of the others were there. It felt right that way.” She released the bubble gently, letting it float a few inches away, hovering before her eyes. “I know we didn’t always get along. I know that… There were a lot of things we held onto for a long time. But I’m glad that we were friends, in the end.” She sighed and closed her eyes. “We’re going to be leaving soon. You always said you wanted to come with us to explore the stars. Maybe you can come along.”

Tiger’s Eye stood and looked around. “Bye, Andy… Vidalia… Babs… Priyanka.” She smiled and blew a kiss to the group. “I’ll see you around.”

Stepping out of the Memorial, she walked back along the boardwalk, making her way back to the Temple.

They were on the sandy beach, quietly, calmly making her way along, when she heard a loud squeal. Turning she laughed as Stevonnie slammed into her torso. Tiger’s Eye hugged Stevonnie, turning in circles for a few moments before she laughed and placed the smaller fusion down. 

“Look at you!” Stevonnie laughed, squealing as they circled around Tiger’s Eye. “That outfit is new! Oh my god, look at your _hair_!” They stopped in front of Jasper, all boundless energy of youth as they flapped their arms and jumped up and down. “You look so _good_!”

“I always look good,” Tiger’s Eye ruffled Stevonnie’s hair.

A fist punched against Tiger’s Eye’s broad shoulder and Stevonnie pouted, “But come on! You couldn’t have waited for me? I _missed_ it!”

“You’re here now, aren’t you?” The larger fusion asked, slinging her arm over Stevonnie’s shoulder, drawing them close in a tight hug.

“Yeah…” Stevonnie smiled as they leaned their cheek against Tiger’s Eye’s shoulder, letting her strong, caring arms hold her, just as Jasper and Pearl always had. “You ready?”

“The question is are _you_ ready?”

Stevonnie thought it over, looking down, before they smiled. “Yeah, I think I am.”

Tiger’s Eye smiled, taking Stevonnie’s hand in her own. “Don’t worry. You can do this. You have me.” She gave Stevonnie’s hand a squeeze. “You’ll always have me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter inspired by a comment made by [NeedForSUV](https://archiveofourown.org/users/needforsuv/pseuds/needforsuv)


	27. Love Like You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh! Tiger’s Eye!” The fusion turned, smiling as Pink Diamond’s Pearl approached her, giggling and smiling. Her eye was still scarred, but she had begun to cover it up with her silky pink hair the last couple of millennia. “We weren’t expecting you back so soon.”
> 
> “We managed to resolve a few conflicts faster than we had previously expected.” Tiger’s Eye said simply, offering her broad arm to the small pink Pearl. “How has it all been for you?”

“We’re landing soon, General.” The green gem bowed her head and Tiger’s Eye flicked her gaze over, sighing quietly in exhaustion. 

“Thank you, Emerald.” She said, her hands folded behind her back. Homeworld was quickly approaching and she couldn’t help but feel a small relief at being home after such a long mission. Three hundred years was, after all, a blink of an eye to her, but it was still a long time to be away from her place of origin. Earth was home, in a way, but Homeworld would _always_ be _her_ home. 

Moving to sit in her command chair, Tiger’s Eye watched the rapidly approaching planet. 

It had been one and a half millennia since she had formed Tiger’s Eye permanently. She could count on one hand the number of times she had separated, all of them involuntarily or in the heat of conflict, and she had… Never felt more at ease. Approaching Homeworld, serving her Diamond in a way that she was practically _made_ for. A Jasper who had climbed military rank to the highest she ever could. A Pearl that had taught herself how to be a warrior.

The last thousand colonists had been left on the latest planet to help install and teach the natives about various technological advancements and planets they could now explore. They were organics, but whether or not they would be amenable to the gem tech and influence had yet to be seen. Tiger’s Eye supposed she would return within a century, after spending some time back at Homeworld to relax, recuperate, and spend time with her friends. The Zoo would be coming around anytime now, and Amethyst would likely enjoy some time visiting… And perhaps a trip to Earth to visit Garnet was in order, to check in on Little Homeworld, the original Little Homeworld. She could visit her human friends at the Memorial, check up on how things had advanced with more humans aware of Gems.

Tiger’s Eye jolted at the feeling of the ship breaking through Homeworld’s atmosphere. Within a few moments they had arrived right outside of the Diamonds’ palace, the familiar red hull of Tiger’s Eye’s ship reflecting on the glass landing pad, various gems milling about to watch the ship’s arrival and landing. Even with all the changes, there was a sense of order, of familiarity that pleased Tiger’s Eye. She couldn’t help but smile as the ship was shut down and the gems began to disembark, racing to meet their friends and families who were waiting so patiently and eagerly for their return.

A few moments, waiting for the crowd to clear, before Tiger’s Eye approached Pink Diamond’s quarters. 

It was a long walk, but one that she enjoyed, watching gems working and milling around. They were a militaristic species, despite their newfound freedom. They appreciated structure and order. Colonizing came naturally to them, and Tiger’s Eye knew, deep down, that there would only be so long before the gems would chafe at the lack of order, the lack of purpose. 

“Oh! Tiger’s Eye!” The fusion turned, smiling as Pink Diamond’s Pearl approached her, giggling and smiling. Her eye was still scarred, but she had begun to cover it up with her silky pink hair the last couple of millennia. “We weren’t expecting you back so soon.”

“We managed to resolve a few conflicts faster than we had previously expected.” Tiger’s Eye said simply, offering her broad arm to the small pink Pearl. “How has it all been for you?”

“A _dream_.” Pearl sighed, smiling as she hugged Tiger’s Eye’s arm tightly, looking up at her. “Pink has been… Oh, better than I remembered. And she… Oh, she’s so _sweet_. She ordered a rose garden just for me!”

“Roses again, is it?” Tiger’s Eye smiled slightly. 

“Roses are good, and an important part of her history.”

“She hates her history,” Tiger’s Eye rolled her eyes. “Which… Is par for the course, really.” Arriving outside Pink Diamond’s private quarters, Tiger’s Eye opened the door for the small pink Pearl, who giggled and smiled, slipping through the door. Tiger’s Eye followed, watching as Pink Pearl approached the lounging form of Pink Diamond.

She had enjoyed being Stevonnie for all those years, that freedom she had felt in being Human, or as close as she could be to Human. But those memories hadn’t transferred when she had reformed. All she had was Tiger’s Eyes stories, seemingly endless, and her own feelings and dreams of what that had been like. She looked just like the picture of her old form, but instead of her puffed out harlequin’s clothing, or Rose Quartz’s flowing gown, or even Stevonnie’s Earth clothing, she wore a thin pair of leggings and a flouncing pale pink shirt, like some romantic hero from a cheesy novel, or a Shakespearean actor delivering a dramatic soliloquy. Pink Pearl scrambled up onto the lounge, eagerly clinging to Pink Diamond.

“Tiger’s Eye!” Pink Diamond giggled, turning to hold out her hand to her friend. Tiger’s Eye smiled and bowed her head, accepting the hand and giving a light kiss to the knuckles.

It was strange. For as brief of a time she had known Steven, and then later Stevonnie, this new Pink Diamond was still so strange to her, even after the last millennia. 

“How was it? Did everything go well?”

“We introduced trade to the indigenous species, gave them warp technology. Perhaps soon you’ll see new visitors coming from Nillopon.”

“That’s what they call their planet?” Pink Diamond squealed, clapping her hands even as the windows rattled slightly at her pitch of her voice. Pink Pearl flinched, but didn’t move from her spot resting her head against Pink Diamond’s thigh. “That is _adorable_.”

“It is, My Diamond.” Tiger’s Eye smiled slightly.

“Oh, tell me everything! I want to hear it all!” Pink Diamond patted the lounge beside her. “But first! Can you tell me another story about Steven? Stevonnie?”

Tiger’s Eye laughed, climbing onto the lounge and sitting beside her Diamond. “Well.. Did I tell you about the time Steven got a job playing a little fortune telling robot called Future-Boy-Zoltron?”

“Tell me!” Pink Diamond laughed, smiling as she pulled her Pearl into her lap and stroked her fingers over the small, delicate gem’s face.

Tiger’s Eye smiled fondly. “Well, you remember Mr. Smiley? He set up a very old animatronic robot in front of his arcade, and Steven asked to see how it worked…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this fic is finally finished! Thank you all for sticking with it and reading! Please let me know what you think!


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